


Reaching for the Moon

by Elivra



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anime-only people beware, Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Gen, Manga Spoilers, Missing Scene, No Romance, Slight world building and mostly OC's up to chapter 10, Then it's all familiar faces in familiar places
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-01-07 02:28:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 59,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12223884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elivra/pseuds/Elivra
Summary: "The world is a cruel, but beautiful place". Mikasa Ackerman struggles to survive through years of hardship, almost reaching for the very moon to get what she wants. Canon missing/extra scenes in Mikasa's POV, BEWARE MANGA SPOILERS!Rated for strong language, mature implications.NOW UPDATED TO CHAPTER 106!





	1. A Pale Distraction - Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have just published this on ff.net, which I'm admittedly more used to. But, I have decided to give the Ao3 SnK fanbase a try, hope you guys like it!
> 
> Basically, this story is a collection of missing scenes, most of them revolving around, you guessed it, the moon. Not an overt theme, though, as you'll see ahead. Each chapter comprises of chronological scenes that add up to "arcs" -I'll be labelling the chapters accordingly to make it easier. :) There will also be certain flashback chapters, also labelled, so hopefully this won't get too complicated to follow.
> 
> Hope you guys like it!

* * *

Back then, the days were so similar that one melted into another with absolutely no change in happenings or circumstances. Which was why she never could remember the exact day it happened.

They had just been moved to new farmland in the west. The climate there was colder, the soil more rocky. This only meant more rigorous work in the fast-approaching cold weather, since the larger rocks had to be removed before the digging, hoeing and planting.

It was the middle of the day, the warmest it could get, when they heard the cry. Armin, who was next to her, looked up with her at the noise.

Immediately, her thoughts went to Eren, who had been assigned to that field. But Eren was far away from the centre of the commotion, and had turned to look, too.

“What is it?” Armin asked anxiously.

Mikasa, who was the tallest of them now, stood on her tiptoes. “A woman, on the ground.” Mikasa and Armin glanced at each other, and nodded. They joined the crowd of people making their way to the noise.

Eren met up with them outside the circle of people. “What's happening?”

Mikasa told him what she had seen. Then, making good use of their sharp elbows and thin frames, the three of them pushed and nudged their way to the centre.

The woman lying on the ground could have been of any age -she could have been thirty, or fifty. Her left arm ended at her elbow in a crude lump of cloth. Her bare, muddy feet were stretched out behind her, and Mikasa shuddered. They were raw red and covered in blisters, several of which were oozing pus. She was moaning softly.

Before anyone could say anything, the overseer's shrill voice sounded outside the circle of onlookers. “What the hell do you slackers think you're doing?”

The people divided immediately to make a path for the man. He approached the woman and looked down at her with a disgusted expression.

“Get up.”

The woman began to cry again. “Please, sir. I can't anymore. My feet-”

“I said, get up! You've already been given a cushy task because you're missing an arm. You have both your legs, don't you?”

Mikasa understood. Normally, the three of them looked forward to the days they were assigned the task of kicking up and loosening the rocky soil. It was hell on the feet, which were enclosed in iron-tipped wooden clogs, but gave their backs and arms some respite from the regular farming jobs. They could also manage to work together and could have long conversations without it being considered 'slacking’.

However, this woman clearly had not been assigned a rotational schedule of tasks. Being crippled, she had been assigned endless kicking, stomping and digging in rough, splintered wooden clogs.

The woman began to wail.

“Get up, you lazy ass! Get up, unless you want to starve!”

Next to her, Mikasa saw Eren clench his fists. She turned to tell him to leave it be, when to both their surprise, Armin spoke up.

“But sir, she can't work anymore.”

The overseer whipped around. “Who was that?”

Armin, always the runt, stepped forward, his voice timid but his eyes blazing. “She can't work anymore, sir.”

The man loomed over them. “Do you dare question my authority?” Mikasa reached out and grasped Eren's hand tightly. She had been right -Eren was quivering with anger.

A bead of sweat appeared on Armin's forehead. “I only mean, sir, that even if you made her, her work would be sub par. Look at her feet, sir.”

The overseer, caught out in a logical argument, seemed surprised. Armin, sensing his hesitation, ploughed on, “If her work is shoddy, it would only mean more work for us to redo it. We'll be behind schedule if we'll need to redo tasks before the planting.”

“I know all that, boy,” the man said sullenly. As expected, the man's inferiority complex made him defensive against Armin's clear reasoning. Mikasa hoped Armin would shut up now, before the defensiveness would turn into violence.

“Well, looks like you've got the rest of the day off, slacker,” the overseer finally told the woman. “In punishment, you won't be getting your rations today. Take her to the infirmary!” The command was barked to no-one in particular, so Armin rushed forward and helped the woman sit up.

Meanwhile, the overseer looked around. “And what do you sloths think you're doing?!” Everyone winced and slipped back to their positions quickly. Mikasa turned to Eren. “Eren, stay. I'll help them.”

Before Eren could protest, she had slipped under the woman's shoulder, with Armin supporting the other one. Eren looked miffed at being left behind, but did not argue -three of them were not needed to help the woman.

“Slowly,” Armin muttered in a soothing voice. “I'm sorry, but you have to bear this a little longer.”

The woman seemed near fainting. “God bless you,” she murmured.

The infirmary was on the far end of the fertile land. Their progress was slow, and more often than not, the woman's legs gave way and the two of them had to drag her forward painfully.

“Miss is there anyone we should inform? About you? To come see you at the infirmary…”

The woman rasped one word. “Alone.”

Mikasa exchanged glances with Armin.

Soon, Armin, who seemed more worried with each passing step, spoke again. “Miss, I'm sorry, but… you're burning up. Are you sure your feet are the only problem?”

Mikasa had noticed, too, that a light sheen of sweat coated the woman's forehead. Her lips were chapped and she seemed only half-conscious at times. She had seen Eren's father work long enough to know that the woman had a high fever and was nearly delirious.

“You are kind, my child,” the woman whispered. “My poor child.” A sudden wail. “My poor, sweet child.” She stumbled and they were dragging her again. Then her feet took hold and she tottered along with them. “So young…”

Armin didn't say anything after that. His eyes were brimming with tears. Mikasa wrapped her scarf tighter around her neck.

When they finally reached the infirmary, they were told they had to wait since all the beds were occupied.

Armin sat on the benches outside to wait next to the woman, who sagged onto him. Mikasa hovered nearby, a vague sense of distress creeping up on her.

“We should go, Armin.”

“I'm not leaving her.”

“Armin. We have to work.”

“I'm not leaving her!”

“She could be contagious.”

Armin shot her a look that made her look away, ashamed.

They were saved by the physician, who came to tell them they could now take the woman inside.

Armin made to follow her, but the physician stopped him. “And what is she to you?”

Armin answered without hesitation, “She's our Aunt Maria.” The man squinted at them, both so different in looks, and to top it all, the woman had olive skin with chestnut hair. But Armin would not be deterred. He matched the physician's gaze with a confident one of his own.

As Mikasa had expected, Armin won.

They followed the woman in, fussing over their 'Aunt’ as they led her to a small cot in the end of the large hall.

Her examination did not take very long. “She is malnourished. How long has she had this fever?”

Armin hesitated, but Mikasa answered this time. She tried to remember Uncle Grisha's patients and said, “Five days, maybe more.”

The physician nodded as if that made sense and Armin flashed her a grateful look.

“Why didn't you come sooner, you silly woman?” The physician asked her gruffly.

To everyone's surprise, she answered him. “What was the point? Why would it matter, now that… they're _gone_!”

She burst into loud sobs and patients around her stirred and groaned at the sound. They tried to calm her in vain; her wails soon turned to despairing howls and finally, the physician had to administer her a sedative.

“She lost her family in the fall of Wall Maria,” Armin said slowly as the physician led them through the maze of cots and out of the infirmary. “Her children…”  Mikasa glanced back at the now sleeping woman. She knew Armin was not making this up.

“The usual story,” the physician sighed. “Off you go then, brats. You'll have to earn her food for her now.”

Armin nodded. “Yes. We'll be back in the evening.”

Mikasa glanced at Armin -this needed discussing -as they left the darkness of the infirmary into the bright sunlight. And so, without noticing it, she stepped on something small and soft that let out a hair-raising yowl. She gasped and leaped aside, even as the _thing_ ran in the opposite direction.

“Just a cat,” Armin gasped, as they watched the white blur disappear in a collection of buildings.

“Stupid animal,” she snapped viciously, surprising Armin.

“It didn't do anything to you,” he said mildly.

“No,” she conceded. But her heart was still racing at the yowl she had heard. It had sounded familiar, just like… like fake Aunt Maria's screaming. She did not like that thought.

“Armin,” she changed the subject. “You cannot give her your food.”

Armin frowned his stubborn frown, one that meant there was no arguing with him. “You can't stop me. I won't eat anyway.”

“Don't be ridiculous,” she said, and continued monotonously before Armin could argue, “we'll all put some food aside. Between the three of us, we should be able to feed her.”

His frown cleared and he looked pleased -actually _pleased_ -that he would have to share the little food they earned everyday. Mikasa could not understand it. “Thank you, Mikasa.”

She simply nodded.

* * *

 

After dinner, Eren came with them to the infirmary. They had a loaf of bread, a pack of crackers and half a mug of milk for fake Aunt Maria. A decent meal.

None of them were talking. Mikasa kept rearranging the scarf around her neck -she needed it to be tighter, warmer.

“Are you cold?” Eren asked her, noticing her nervous movements.

“A little.” She admitted.

Eren looked at the ground. “We'll be there soon. There's a fireplace at the infirmary.”

She simply nodded. Their fake Aunt was clearly bearing down on all of their thoughts. When they reached the long, low building, they were surprised to find a crowd gathered at the door.

“What's going on?” Eren frowned.

She felt a strange sense of foreboding. Before she could voice it, the crowd parted and the physician from the morning stepped out. “There you are!” He looked relieved. “Come on, children. Hurry along now.”

He did not seem to notice there were three children now, and pushed them through the people and into the infirmary. There was a second, smaller crowd of people blocking the view of a bed in the far end.

Mikasa suddenly wanted to run away. Eren had been right, there _was_ a fire, but she felt colder than she had all day. As if in a dream, she let herself be herded to the bed in the corner. The people stood aside for them, and the three of them looked down at the figure resting in it.

Fake Aunt Maria was dead. Her face was bloated, her lips were blue and her neck was badly bruised. On Eren's other side, Armin let out a low whimper.

The physician stood next to them. “I'm sorry I made you see her. I need to do my paperwork, see or I'll be in trouble.” His voice was matter of fact. “So you'll attest to it? This woman was one Maria… what was her name again?”

Even in the midst of this horror, Armin was ever the quick-witted one. “We don't know. We only know her -knew her as Aunt Maria.”

“And she was from Shiganshina like you?”

“Yes.”

“What a pity.” The physician scribbled something on his papers, then shook his head. “She could've at least stayed on for you kids…”

“She didn't have to.” Eren's voice was tight with emotion. “She's at peace now.”

The physician asked them a few more desultory questions for his paperwork before letting them go. They made their way to the living quarters without thinking about it, and before she knew it, Mikasa found herself standing outside the huge stone barn where they slept every night.

Armin was crying -he had started to cry at the infirmary and never stopped. Eren punched a tree. “Dammit!” His eyes were glistening with tears, too.

Mikasa wasn't crying. Instead, her eyes seemed to burn and her head was starting to ache again. She kept seeing fake Aunt Maria's bruised neck every time she blinked, and suddenly, the scarf seemed to be strangling her. She tugged at it feverishly until it wasn't wrapped around her neck anymore and just hung limply on her shoulders.

They stood in the dark and in silence for a long time. Then, wordlessly, Armin left them, trudging to the door of the barn like he was an old man.

Eren punched the tree again, half-heartedly this time. “Dammit.” He sniffed. “She needn't have died.”

“You said she's at peace now,” she mumbled tonelessly.

“I had to say something to get that man to shut up.” Mikasa didn't answer, but she agreed. The physician had been tactless and annoying.

“This is all _their_ fault,” Eren said in a low growl. “Those damned Titans.”

She saw his fists clench, and suddenly she felt drained, exhausted.

“Go to bed, Eren.”

He didn't respond immediately, but with a final sniff, he muttered, “Yeah.” He paused at the door. “Aren't you coming?”

“I'll be there in a few minutes.”

Eren hesitated, his eyes sweeping over her small form in the only lamp, and at the darkness that swelled around her.

“I'll be fine,” she insisted.

He looked at the ground. “Yeah.” Then he left her, gently sliding the heavy barn door shut behind him.

Mikasa let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She herself wasn't certain why she wanted to be left alone. It was just the thought of going back inside, to the innumerable worn faces, to the stuffiness and the quiet, helpless despair of the sleeping refugees -she felt her throat constrict as though fake Aunt Maria was tightening a noose around _her_ neck, too.

She was just a fake Aunt, she told herself. She had only seen her for the first time this morning. Why was she so affected?

It was like Aunt Carla dying again, she realised. The same, brutal, _pointless_ death. Just like her parents-

She stumbled over to the tree that Eren had been punching, and leaned against it. Her hand absently went to the scarf sitting loosely on her shoulders.

Why… why did the Titans attack? Why did it have to happen? This wasn't how it was supposed to be. People were supposed to be happy. The unlucky few would have some tragedy strike them, hit rock bottom, but somehow make it back up to the top to live happily ever after. She thought she had hit rock bottom two years ago. She _had_ , and she would've stayed there had it not been for Eren.

She grasped her scarf tightly. So why was she at rock bottom again? How was it fair that she had to experience tragedy _twice_? How many more times did she have to face it?

 _The world is a cruel place_ , she reminded herself. Cruel, but-

“Meow.”

She started violently. What in the world-?

“Mrow.” The sound was more insistent. Mikasa looked around, but saw nothing. Then, she realised the sound hadn't come from around her. It was from _above_ her.

She looked up into the tree's foliage, and sure enough, saw a gleaming white cat high up in the branches.

“Meow,” it said again, petulantly.

She squinted, but she was sure it was the same cat she had stepped on that afternoon.

She stared at the cat and the cat stared back at her, its eyes wide and black. Then the cat let out a long, drawn-out sound. “Miaaa-aaaou.”

Almost as if it were chiding her.

“I -I didn't do it on purpose!” Mikasa burst out. “You shouldn't have been skulking about near my feet anyway!” Then she felt the idiocy of her act -as if the cat could understand what she was saying!

The cat certainly behaved like it understood. With a small squeak that could have meant 'Don't do it again!’ the cat skipped down from branch to branch until it landed nimbly on its feet right in front of her.

“Meow,” it said loudly, eyeing her hands. She looked down, and saw that she was still holding her pack of crackers. She felt a sudden pull in her gut, and she remembered the number of times she and Eren and Armin had had to battle hunger, now that they were refugees.

Before she knew it, she tore open the pack, crumbled a thin cracker and put the pile on the ground between her and the cat. The cat stepped forward, sniffed at the powdered pile, then began to lick it, slowly at first, and then with more gusto.

The first cracker was done before long, and the second followed unthinkingly. Mikasa simply watched the cat eat, some strong emotion welling up inside her.

A quick glance told her that Eren had left the milk next to the barn door. She retrieved the jar and placed it in front of the cat. The mouth was wide enough to fit the cat's face. As the cat thrust its face inside energetically, she realised it wasn't a cat. It was still just a kitten.

Tears finally welled up in her eyes. Slowly one, then two, then several slipped down her cheeks. She reached out to scratch the kitten behind the ears. It began to purr under her touch, vibrating softly.

The kitten had its fill, stopped, then without warning, jumped up to balance itself between Mikasa's chest and shoulder.

“Mrow.” It purred softly, its fur and whiskers tickling her skin.

Her tears stopped abruptly. Slowly, trying not to upset its position on her, she unraveled, then wrapped her scarf again around her neck, tucking the kitten in. The kitten budged a little to make itself comfortable, then purred even more. The scarf no longer felt restricting. It was warm again.

The world was a cruel place.

But beautiful.

She stood up, sniffed and wiped the tears away. She placed the remaining crackers and put it carefully in her pocket, replaced the empty milk jar next to the barn door, and went to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hokay, so first of all, just as an FYI, the entire story will be from Mikasa's POV. And since the story is canon compliant, I really, REALLY hope she doesn't come out OOC. So please, comment and let me know how this came across to you.
> 
> I've posted several more chapters on ff.net; I'll try and upload them here ASAP.
> 
> Hope you guys liked it!


	2. A Pale Distraction - Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for Chapter 2! I've gone up to 6 chapters on ff.net, so yes, I'm gonna bring it up to speed here as well! 
> 
> Thanks mystifi_ed for the appreciation, I'm glad you liked my little story!
> 
> Well, here goes. Hope you guys like it!

* * *

Eren, surprisingly, was the one to voice an argument when he found out that she kept the kitten. "But Mikasa," he said, frowning, as they prepared for another day of toiling in the fields, "you'll have to take care of it. I mean, feed it and stuff."

"Yes," she said simply.

"We don't have a lot of food. And we won't be staying here for long."

"I'll take care of it for as long as I can."

Armin was on her side. "We'll all put some food aside. Between the three of us, we should be able to feed it." He smiled at Mikasa, who realised that it was the same thing she had told him the day before.

Eren sighed, then shrugged. "Fine. What are you going to call it?"

Mikasa turned pink. "When I was little, we had a baby goat at home… I called it Moon-moon."

Eren frowned, while Armin giggled. She glared down at them until they were straight-faced. "I like Moon-moon," she said in a tone that brokered no argument, and walked outside the barn, the kitten curled up in her arms.

Moon-moon became a quick staple of their daily schedule. She (Mikasa didn't know for sure but she was sure it was a she) gambolled about while they worked in the fields, scavenging for food in the surrounding woods. Come evening, she would rush to the barn and wait patiently until one of them came with a cracker or two and some milk.

Eren quickly took to the cat. He would pull its tail (gently, of course) and then scrap with it, rolling unabashedly in the mud. Armin was mostly showering it with tummy rubs and scratches. All three of them particularly delighted in finding little bits and ends of stuff - _anything_  could be a toy for the kitten. It was wildly entertaining.

As the weeks passed, other people began noticing Moon-moon. They referred to Mikasa as 'Catgirl' when she passed by, and she found to her surprise that she didn't mind. In the dull and dreary days of field-work, it was a heartening sight to see the fluffy little creature frisking about.

Soon, more people would sneak the odd cracker or the last few dregs milk from their dinner, so they could feed the little munchkin. Moon-moon got along with all of them as easily as she had with Mikasa and her friends. At the end of two months they only saw Moon-moon for an hour or two everyday.

Mikasa interacted with it far less now, but the cat would invariably curl up near her neck every night and pass out.

* * *

It was just before dawn, the sky was a deep, dark blue. The carts packed with people were ready and waiting. Armin stood near the last cart, carrying two cloth bundles that carried all their worldly possessions, and watched his two friends anxiously.

"I can't find her!" Mikasa voiced panic for the first time in years. "I don't see her anywhere!"

"Did you check the barn properly? Are you sure?" Eren asked her for what seemed like the millionth time.

" _Yes!_ " Tears were pooling in Mikasa's eyes now.

There was a loud yell from the carts behind them; Armin said, worried, "They're leaving, guys."

Mikasa whipped around. Sure enough, the blobs of light that were the lamps in the first few carts, had begun to move.

"No!" She breathed, her voice dripping with anguish.

"Mikasa, we have to go." This time it was Eren, who looked upset himself, who spoke to her.

"No, I'm not leaving her!"

"Mikasa, we can't stay!" Armin cried. "She's probably hunting in the woods, there's no time to look for her. Come on!"

"You -you go on ahead. I'll catch up-"

"Oi, Mikasa!" Eren snapped at her. "We're on the last cart. Are you crazy? You can't catch up to us!"

"I  _have_  to find her!"

Eren and Armin moved in sync, like they'd rehearsed this before; together, they managed to drag the freakishly strong girl onto their cart. Mikasa, who struggled at first, gave up as they hoisted her up. "I didn't even say goodbye."

Eren was crying, too. "I'm sorry."

Their cart began to move. The other people in it were too sleepy or didn't care enough to talk to them.

 _Again_ , Mikasa thought to herself.  _It's happening again. Another life mine will never cross. Another bit of family to lose forever._

This,  _this_  is why, she told herself fiercely, her vision blurry. This is why you cannot, you must not let anyone in. Let anyone get close to you. She turned to look at Eren, whose morose face she could see even through her tears.  _That's_ your family, she reminded herself. Keep him close. Keep him safe.

The three of them sniffled in silence, then slowly fell asleep, tired from having to wake up so early to prepare to leave. Mikasa fell asleep last, just as the sky was beginning to turn a dull grey. Her last thought was that Eren was drooling on her shoulder. Then she fell into her dreams.

It was a familiar nightmare, one she hadn't had in months. But she hadn't forgotten it.

It began, as always, in the woods outside her old home. She was walking with a basket, picking something or the other, it didn't matter what. Sometimes it was pinecones. Sometimes it was berries. This time it was flowers that were a soft, glowing white, with a heady aroma to them. Mikasa had always wanted to know what these flowers were called. She had always meant to ask her Mother, but she never got round to it. The finality of that thought gave her pause.  _Never_ …? Well, she could ask her now, she shrugged and made her way home.

The path to her house was very familiar. She had walked down it so many times, she could do it in her sleep. She frowned. Why was that thought  _funny_?

A sudden  _crack_ got her attention. It came from her right, in a particularly dark patch of woods. She hesitated. Should she investigate? Every time, she asked herself this question. Every time, she didn't think to say no.

She left the path and wandered into the trees. She wasn't scared, not exactly, these were  _her_  woods, after all. But she couldn't shake a growing, unsettling feeling in her spine. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

Without warning, she stumbled into a little clearing, rain pattering down on her head. She felt herself turn cold.

There were three men lying in pools of blood. Two of them had limbs missing. One man's head was a pulp. And one of the men who was missing both his arms… was staring at her. His dead eyes bore down on her, accusing her. The worst part was his chest -it was empty, carved out. He had no heart.

She let out a strangled cry and stumbled backwards. A low growl echoed in the woods around her. She turned around, and inexplicably found herself at her doorstep.

 _Home_ , she thought with mad relief.

She smashed open the door and rushed inside, tripping immediately on something that sent her crashing into the wooden floor. Her feet were slipping in something and her hands were sticky.

She turned around and froze. She was looking at a motionless body that was prone on the floor. And that motionless body had her face.

She was looking at her own dead face. Older, thinner. But it was her… wasn't it?

_Mother-_

"Mikasa!"

She woke up so abruptly she cricked her neck. Armin's face was inches away from hers. Eren, ever the heavy sleeper, continued to snore gently on her shoulder.

Her heart was pounding as she struggled to calibrate herself to reality. "What-?"

" _Look!_ " Armin's face gleamed, his blue eyes sparkled.

Mikasa didn't understand. "What…?" Her voice petered out. Bunched up in Armin's arms was a bundle of soft, gleaming fur.

"Moon-moon!"

Her ecstatic cry woke Eren. He rubbed his eyes groggily and blinked, to be greeted by the sight of Mikasa hugging the kitten fiercely. The cat, for her part, did not seem to like this sudden outpouring of love. It let out a small, petulant mewl, then jumped from Mikasa's trembling arms straight into Eren's lap.

"Where was she?" Mikasa couldn't believe it. How… how had she managed to find them?

"She was in another cart," Armin grinned. "The Krueger* family brought her over." Mikasa looked ahead and saw two teenage boys walking along one of the slow-moving carts further ahead. They glanced back and waved at her and she waved back shyly, her face in her scarf.

"You little punk!" Eren giggled and instantly began to play with her, making her chase a bit of string all across their feet.

She's back, Mikasa told herself, trying to steady her racing heartbeat. She's fine. She's back.

When she went back to sleep hours later, she didn't dream at all.

* * *

They were encamped in a makeshift settlement outside Calanes district, which needed more manual labour for its burgeoning habitation zones for the refugees. Mikasa discovered, to her intense shock and anger, that all the women were to continue working in the fields, while the men were to help in the construction of more permanent habitats for the refugees.

She vehemently refused to accept this rule. That she would be separated from Eren and Armin for the whole day, and would only get to see them at dinnertime, was a rule impossible to follow. To make things worse, the sleeping quarters were divided by gender, and so she had to share her cardboard cottage with four women and three other girls, all older than her, none of them familiar.

"We're only two huts away, Mikasa," Armin said apologetically.

"I'll be  _alone_ , Armin!"

"You'll have Moon-moon," Eren told her, scratching the little cat, who was curled up on Mikasa's lap.

"Yes, but-"

The bell, already familiar, rang outside the dining hall, which again was an old granary.

"Time for bed," Armin sighed. Mikasa had more to say, but couldn't make her thoughts coherent enough to voice. It was annoying, and she often wished she was like Armin, who had a way with words.

So, without any further argument, they left for their sleeping quarters, Eren managing to snatch a quick, playful tussle with the kitten before separating.

Mikasa's uneasiness did not abate when she entered her cottage. Two of the women were dressing up as though they were heading outside. One of the girls was pleading to be taken with them. The others were already settling in their lumpy sleeping bags.

As she unravelled and folded up her scarf to use as a pillow for Moon-moon, snatches of conversation drifted past her ears like bits of fluff.

"You can't go, you don't know what you're asking for-"

"I'm not stupid! I'm already bleeding and there was that cobbler in Utopia-"

"-had this beautiful pearl-pink skirt, you know? I got it dirt cheap-"

"-always with those boys, what a creep. What's with the scarf-"

She felt her cheeks redden. Ever since she had moved to Shiganshina to live with the Jaegers, she had been inflicted upon by whispers. That they should continue, even after their shared tragedy, made her inexplicably sad.

She tried to tune out the whispers but they continued to slip into her consciousness as she drifted to sleep.

" _Creep…"_

" _Scarf…"_

" _I'm already bleeding…"_

There was blood everywhere. Blood on her hands, blood in the grass outside from the dismembered men. Blood on the floor, blood pooling around an overturned basket of sweet-smelling white flowers.

Blood dripping down the woman's forehead, the woman who was her, but not her.

" _It's probably best you look like your mother," her father had once said as they were bundling up kindling._

" _Why?" She had asked, her tiny fingers barely struggling with the knots._

" _With your name," he'd said gently. "I wonder," and he was gazing at the woman, who was smiling at them from the kitchen window. "I wonder if I am too proud. For your sake..."_

" _Papa?" She had not liked the look on his face._

_The look was gone in a blink. "I'm being silly, Mikasa," he'd laughed. "Nothing is going to happen."_

Her father's hunched-up corpse lurked in the darkness behind the dead woman. Her father was dead, Papa was dead, and her hands were covered in blood, and this woman, this woman whom she knew, whom she refused to acknowledge, was dead, too.

Why were  _her_  hands bloody? Because… because it was her fault?

It was as though lightning had struck her. Understanding rushed through her at the speed of light -the heartless, accusing dead man, her father, her  _mother_ , and the blood on her hands, and the knowledge was pressing down on her, on her shoulders and her chest and the smell of the blood was overpowering everything else…

She woke up with a silent gasp, her heart thudding, suddenly disoriented with no smell of blood, at all.

Then the cold hit her and she began to shiver so uncontrollably her teeth were chattering, she was bone-cold and it had settled so permanently she felt fear spike in her. She cast her hand about and found no comforting warm fluff. Moon-moon was not there, and the scarf was cold.

She bit her fist to hide the whimper. She was cold, she was scared, and she  _had_  to get out.

Snatching up her cold scarf, she slipped on her shoes and slipped out of the cottage, knowing the door would be unlocked for the two women who had gone out. The darkness outside took only a moment to get used to, and she quickly made her way to the cottage she had made certain to remember for just such an eventuality.

This cottage door was bolted from the inside, and she nearly screamed with frustration. She was shivering so much she was wobbling now, and tears were pricking her eyes.  _Alone, alone, alone_ , a cruel voice drummed in her head.

She scrambled over to the window, and being taller now, she peeked in. Her luck was with her: Eren and Armin had adjoining sleeping bags next to the window. She nearly cried then and there from the cold and the relief and the annoyance that there was only a wall that stood between her and solace. She wondered if she should break the window and how much it would cost her.

When she looked inside again, she gasped; one of the sleeping bags was empty. She heard the low creak of the cottage door, and someone had come to stand next to her.

"Hey," Eren muttered and slipped his warm hand into hers. "What's wrong?"

She gripped his hand tightly, willing the warmth to spread through her. "I couldn't sleep."

Eren let out a deep breath. "Me neither. It's weird having a wall next to me again, you know?"

She knew he didn't mean the cardboard wall and nodded. They both looked up at Wall Rose towering above them, casting the refugees' quarters into semi-permanent darkness.

"This one's taller," he said. It almost sounded like an accusation.

"Not by a lot," she said gently. She knew Eren took her word for it because she was usually good with distances and measurements and stuff like that.

"So if the Colossal turns up here-"

"We're still doomed, Eren."

She could sense his anger, his frustration at being so helpless in the face of danger. She squeezed his hand again, and that seemed to calm him.

"I thought you didn't get nightmares anymore," he said after a moment.

"I didn't for a while," Mikasa mumbled. She looked at the ground. "I don't know why now…"

"Is it Moon-moon?" Eren asked shrewdly. "Where is she anyway?"

"I don't know." The answer served for both his questions.

Eren, for all his brash and stubborn nature, was unexpectedly empathetic. "She'll be back," he said nonchalantly, "she's probably hunting for food now."

The thought  _had_  occurred to her, but she could only believe it now, after someone else had voiced it. Somehow, Eren saying it made it real, made it alright.

"I guess," she mumbled, and a sudden shiver passed through her.

"You're supposed to  _wear_  the scarf, Mikasa," Eren scowled. She looked down and realised the scarf was still folded up in her hand. Then, just like he had three years ago, Eren shook open the scarf and twirled it around her neck. Warmth began to settle in and she clutched onto the scarf as if it was her lifeline.

"Better?"

She nodded.

Eren looked away, satisfied. "Come on. I've been meaning to see the lake everyone keeps talking about." Then he hesitated. "Should we-?"

"What're you guys doing?"

Armin had emerged from the cottage, his eyes still murky with sleep, a haphazard bundle of blanket and shawl enveloping him.

"Armin! I didn't want to wake you, you looked so tired…"

He rubbed his eyes and shook his head. "I'm up now."

Mikasa held out her hand. "We want to see the lake."

Armin looked as though he wanted to argue. Then he looked between Eren and Mikasa and smiled. "It sounds interesting. I might fall asleep on you guys."

"We'll carry you back," Eren shrugged. Armin's smile widened and he took Mikasa's hand. "Let's go."

They trudged through the sleeping quarters hand-in-hand. Just like they had since forever, it seemed, in a walled city they had all called home.

The lake was within the refugee zone so they didn't have to go far. When they finally found it, none of them spoke until Mikasa voiced their disappointment.

"It's… filthy."

Armin sighed. "It's man-made, remember? They redirected the river to get this, so it would be easier for the farming and the construction."

Eren was scowling. "Doesn't make it any less gross. So this is the view refugees are entitled to, huh." He snorted. "Lucky I'm leaving soon, then."

"Lucky  _we're_  leaving," Armin corrected him gently.

Mikasa shot a glance at Armin, who looked as serene as ever. Then she looked at Eren and saw her worry reflected in his eyes.

Eren went first. "Armin-"

"Guys," Armin cut in softly. "Give it a rest, will you? I decided months ago."

Mikasa frowned. "But-"

"We'll be together. The three of us. Isn't that what we wanted? To be together, always?"

She sighed internally. He loved pulling this card. Eren, true to his nature, still persevered. "But it's dangerous…"

"Won't you tell Mikasa to not enlist, then?"

She scowled at Armin. Curse his quick thinking, his ability to turn conversations. Armin knew just how much she hated him doing this. She also knew Eren would be distracted by his argument -and Armin was perfectly aware of this as well.

But Eren continued to glare at Armin, green eyes locked onto blue. "Mikasa has made her choice." He said firmly.

She glanced at him, shocked.  _Eren has grown_ , she realised, suddenly. He was taller than Armin and getting close to her height. The thought made her unexpectedly sad.

Armin's surprise only lasted a moment.

"So have I, Eren!"

"Mikasa can handle herself."

"And I can't?" Armin snapped. Eren looked guilty, she was sure he hadn't meant to put it like that. "That's not what I meant-"

"That's exactly what you meant!" Then, surprisingly, Armin smirked. "You realise your own argument is working against you, right? If I'm so hopeless, you wouldn't want to leave me to fend for myself." He looked at the ground. "Wouldn't it be easier to take care of me if I was with you both?"

He was doing it again. He was twisting words to his own benefit, weaving and knitting them into statements of logic so unassailable it left her and Eren floundering.

An unbidden chuckle escaped her lips. Both the boys -her boys, her  _family_  -stared at her.

"You're wrong, Eren." She said, smiling at them. How long had it been since she had even smiled? "Armin can take care of himself. We all can. But together," she held their hands in each of hers. "Together we can take care of each other."

Eren sighed. "I guess."

Armin, for once the determined one, squeezed her hand. "We'll survive this."

"Together."

It was a vow, she realised as she and Eren carried a sleeping Armin back a couple hours later. A vow written in the stars that shone down on them, in the shadow of that ubiquitous wall that had caged them all their lives.

Eren walked her to her cottage. "You alright now?"

She nodded.

They stopped outside her cottage door, which was still unlocked. "Mikasa," he mumbled. "They're just nightmares."

She looked at him. "I know."

"You're never alone, you hear me."

She nodded again, wondering where this was going.

"If not me-"

"Eren!"

"Let me finish," he snapped. "If not me, then Armin. You have Armin, too. Don't forget that."

"I've never forgotten that!"

He shrugged. He seemed to have said his piece, but he still lingered. She started to ask him what was wrong, when he spoke.

"I had a nightmare, too."

For a long time after the fall of Shiganshina, Eren had had screaming nightmares of his mother, of the titans. Every now and then, he'd have one of his father, bad dreams he never remembered but always woke up from cold and clammy and shaking. But he hadn't had either for a while… Mikasa stared at him, at a loss for words.

He ran his rough hands through his hair. "Sometimes, I feel Armin is the one who'll survive us all."

"Eren."

He went on as though she hadn't interrupted him. "But that's fine. It's fine, isn't it, Mikasa, if Armin manages to survive?" His eyes seemed to bore into hers. "Armin  _must_  survive."

She knew Eren was voicing something unspoken, unacknowledged between them. She understood. She was hell-bent on ensuring Eren's survival, that was an undeniable fact. But  _Armin_. Armin, that beautiful little boy, with eyes as blue, perhaps, as the ocean he talked about… Armin's survival was essential. Armin had to be protected, at all costs.

She felt like her heart was being rent in two.

"Knowing him, he's smart. He'll manage to survive on his own. He doesn't need us." Eren was toying with the strings on his shirt. "But we take care of him as much as we can. Do you agree?"

She nodded, unthinkingly . This had always been taken for granted between them, without them having to discuss it.

But then she realised this was another vow, and it terrified her. Too, too many vows, too many. She'd probably end up breaking one of them. Or  _all_  of them. The horror.

"As much as we can," she mumbled, fighting to keep her voice even.

Eren nodded too, seemingly satisfied. Then his look softened. "You'll survive, too, Mikasa. Don't worry."

She looked at the ground. "That's not what I'm worried about."

"You should be," he muttered gruffly.

She had nothing to say to that.

Eren scratched his head. "You should get some sleep. So should I, I guess."

She nodded, and as he turned away to leave, she said suddenly, "Eren."

"Mm?"

"Remember what you told me. They're just nightmares."

Eren blinked, and a small smile curved his lips. This had become so rare lately that Mikasa felt warmth rush through her.  _She had made him smile_."Yeah. Good night, Mikasa."

"Good night, Eren."

When she went inside, she found Moon-moon sitting on her pillow, looking as though she was saying, 'Where have you  _been_?'

A giggle threatened to burst through her lips. Feeling warmer than she had all day, she crept back into bed and snuggled up to the kitten.

"Goodnight, Moon-moon," she whispered.

The cat purred. She closed her eyes.

This time, she dreamt of Armin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * "The Krueger family" - For Manga readers, I didn't particularly want to insinuate anything with the name. It's a common enough Germanic surname, and families that are split apart in exoduses often retain their old names. That's all I have to say.
> 
> Also, did I just insert an infamous meme into my story? You bet your SnK-obsessed ass I did. I love the Moon-moon meme, and also, Moon-moon the cat is based on a real cat I once met!
> 
> I always imagined Mikasa's father struggling to keep his Ackerman name, since they were being hunted down and all. I imagine her mother convinced him to keep it. In the end, it wasn't the Ackerman heritage that destroyed Mikasa's life, so I guess her dad was right? *laughs hysterically*
> 
> The nightmare, btw, is a recurring theme. You'll see.
> 
> I hope everything makes sense and is not too difficult to believe! Onward to the next one!


	3. Before the Fall - Armin Arlert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for the first flashback chapter! Have fun!

* * *

When she had reached the Jaeger home that fateful night, Mikasa had felt nervous and exhausted in equal measures. She still couldn't believe that less than twelve hours ago, she had been a perfectly happy, oblivious little farm girl. Now she was a block of ice of an orphan. A murderer.

Her accomplice held onto her hand as they approached the log house on the side of the hill in Shiganshina. Too much had happened for her to register her new surroundings. For now, she focused on the fact of her new home and new family and how she could deal with them.

"Mother is awake," Eren mumbled, glancing at the lit windows.

"She must be worried," Dr. Jaeger rumbled, and Mikasa heard a hint of concern in his voice that reminded her strongly of her parents. Her father used to get worried, too, when her mother was worried. Her knees began trembling again, threatening to bring her to the ground.

Eren seemed to have guessed her state. He dragged her up the steps forcibly, and they were inside the house before she could think about it any further.

" _Eren!_ " A blur of long dark hair and a cosy apron were all Mikasa could observe before the woman swept her son into her arms.

"Ma, come on,  _ma_ , I'm fine!"

Mrs. Jaeger finally turned to Mikasa. "And you must be Mikasa," she said, her voice softer. "Nice to meet you." She looked so much like Eren it was disconcerting. Mikasa could see the question in her eyes at her appearance, at her son's coat and scarf that Mikasa was currently wearing, her gaze lingering on her mouth that made Mikasa certain there was still dried blood there. Surprisingly, Mrs. Jaeger didn't ask her anything. She turned to her husband instead and kissed him on his cheek, clearly directing her curiosity at him.

"You both need a wash," Dr. Jaeger said, seemingly unconcerned about the odd time of the day. "Eren, why don't you and Mikasa go fill up the tub?"

She glanced back as Eren led her to the back of the house. She saw Dr. Jaeger sitting his wife down at the table, saw him begin to tell her the story.

After that, everything passed in a blur. She barely registered Eren's instructions on stoking the water boiler and drawing a bath. Mrs. Jaeger arrived sooner than she expected and she gave them both a quick, thorough scrubbing-down. Mikasa was grateful; she had spent the longest time feeling icky and unclean. She refused to think about the scents of her old home being washed away.

Then a quick meal of bread and cheese and milk and they were off to bed. They had given her Eren's clothes for the time being, and Mrs. Jaeger told her she'd take her out to buy some new clothes the next day. They were to sleep in the adults' room with Mrs. Jaeger, and Dr. Jaeger would sleep in Eren's room, the only other bedroom in the house.

"We live rather modestly," Mrs. Jaeger had smiled. "We'll get a new cot for you tomorrow."

She had mumbled something about not going to any trouble, and Mrs. Jaeger just hushed her with a "Nonsense, Mikasa." Mrs. Jaeger had been kind that way. She hadn't asked her too many questions, just ones she could nod or shake her head to. Most of the time she just talked at her, like this was perfectly normal for her. Mikasa was intensely grateful for this, as there was no awkwardness nor painful questions she had to deal with.

That night, Mrs. Jaeger curled protectively around her but didn't touch her, which, in her overwhelmed state of mind, she was glad for, because she thought she'd suffocate if a strange person held her now. Eren slept on Mikasa's other side, his hand still in hers. And later, when the tears came to the sound of Eren's snores, Mrs. Jaeger gently wiped them from her cheeks and stroked her head until her exhaustion caught up to her, and she fell into dreamless sleep.

She almost slept through the entire day. When she woke up, the large bed was empty, and the rays of the sun slanted in a way that told her that it was already evening. Feeling foolish and hating herself for her tardiness, she had stumbled out of bed and into the living room to find only Mrs. Jaeger, sipping tea and darning socks.

A bowl of cold porridge later, Mikasa ventured out into Shiganshina for the first time, her hand firmly ensconced within Mrs. Jaeger's. She had hoped Eren would be with her, but he was already playing outside with his friend, Armin.

"You can meet them tomorrow," Mrs. Jaeger told her as they walked through the bustling streets to the milliner's. "They're very flighty young boys, keeping them inside is an impossible task!" And though Mrs. Jaeger laughed, Mikasa felt trepidation that Eren already had a close friend whom he had more in common with than her. She wondered what the other boy was like, and if she could ever keep up with them.

Mrs. Jaeger noticed. "Oh, don't worry, dear. Eren would never leave you behind, and you'll like Armin. He's a sweet boy. You'll be one of them before you know it."

"I'm not… flighty." This was the first time Mikasa had spoken that wasn't a response to a question. If Mrs. Jaeger noticed, she didn't comment on it.

"Well,  _I_ would see them that way, as a mother, who spends most of the day in the house. Maybe they aren't really flighty." She looked at her, and squeezed her hand gently. "You mustn't worry, Mikasa. They'll take you in, and I'm sure you'll have no problem keeping up with them."

"But Eren left today."

Mrs. Jaeger, to her surprise, laughed again. "That boy is out of the house even before Dr. Jaeger starts his rounds! That's just the way Eren is. You were resting today, and he didn't want to wake you. If you feel up to it, he said he'd take you with him tomorrow to the river."

"He said that?"

"Cross my heart." Then, because she looked confused, Mrs. Jaeger explained exactly what that phrase meant. Once again, Mikasa was struck with how kind Mrs. Jaeger was. She had let Mikasa take her own time to adjust, not pestered her or pushed her to do or say anything, and explained things to her without making her seem like an idiot for not knowing those things in the first place.

She felt tears pricking her eyes again, but she suppressed them. It would not do to give way to her feelings in the middle of street and cause an embarrassment to such a kind woman.

This kindness was demonstrated multiple times through the rest of the day. At the milliner's, Mrs. Jaeger insisted on buying her a pretty pink cardigan that was slightly more expensive than the rest of the clothes they had bought. Although Mikasa was too young to properly understand accounts, her mother had taught her enough for her to know that a certain amount of money had to come into the household for the family to be able to spend in a certain manner. And though they lived in a bustling town as opposed to her parents' mountain farm, the Jaegers also appeared to live within modest means, and she knew the cardigan was a special expense for the family, just as it would have been for hers.

Mrs. Jaeger merely said it went well with her red scarf (it was hers now, and no longer Eren's) and refused to discuss it any further.

Then at the vegetable market, Mrs. Jaeger had insisted on buying Mikasa's favourites. When she said they could buy Eren's favourites instead, Mrs. Jaeger had laughed that Eren hated all vegetables and it would be good for him if Mikasa led by example. Again, no argument was possible and they bought a delicious squash and several juicy peaches.

That night, Eren chattered to her about his day over dinner. She recognised the same kindness in him as his mother, where they refused to acknowledge Mikasa as a newcomer, an interloper. They simply included her in their daily life like it was nothing. She felt overwhelmed with gratitude, even if she barely understood Eren's narrative because she knew none of those places or people.

The kindest thing though, happened just before they went to bed. When Eren was discovered to be hiding a bruise on his elbow, he was soundly reprimanded and dragged off to the tiny consulting room that Dr. Jaeger maintained at home for emergencies. Mrs. Jaeger, who was bristling with an anger that her son had clearly inherited from her, was brushing Mikasa's hair with surprising gentleness.

At the end, Mikasa mumbled "Thank you, Mrs. Jaeger."

And for the first time since Mikasa had first spoken to her, Mrs. Jaeger frowned. "Now Mikasa," she said, her eyes glimmering, "I know you're a sweet girl and that you've been taught to be polite all the time. But, really, you're going to be living with us now. I wish you wouldn't be so formal."

Mikasa blushed pink. She knew the Jaegers would now be her adoptive parents. But trying to call them that, her 'mother and father' felt like a horrible betrayal. Must she turn her back on her family so quickly, when two nights ago, it had been her own mother brushing her hair? The worst part was, with the Jaegers being so nice to her, she felt just as guilty for not showing them even the little bit of affection that this entailed. How could she insist on treating them like strangers, when they already seemed to think of her as family?

Mrs. Jaeger stroked her hair with a fondness that made her feel worse. "I'm not saying you should call me 'Mother'," she said gently, surprising her. "I'm not a replacement, Mikasa. I'm not asking you to forget them. Perhaps an in-between… You could call me 'Aunt Carla' and Dr. Jaeger can be 'Uncle Grisha'. Does that suit you?"

It suited her so well she began to cry again. With a gentle kiss on her forehead, Mrs. Jae- no,  _Aunt Carla_  tucked her into her new bed, placed right next to Eren's. And when Eren finally came to bed with bandaged elbows, she cried some more into his shoulder. He held her hand all night and she woke up in the morning with her hand still in his.

* * *

She insisted on accompanying Eren the next day, even though Dr. Jaeg-  _Uncle Grisha_ said she could take it slow at home. Slipping on her new cardigan and the scarf that had become her outfit staple, she followed Eren into the busy, narrow streets, clutching onto his sleeve so she wouldn't lose him.

Eren was clearly excited. He couldn't wait to introduce her to Armin, he told her, and Mikasa felt her nervousness and expectations rise higher and higher. Eren clearly thought highly of Armin and she was anxious to make sure Armin liked her.

They wandered down the streets randomly, with Eren checking their usual haunting spots, passing through each one too quickly for her to take note of them. A question was forming in her mind, and she had just begun to voice it when Eren let out a vicious yell and stopped abruptly.

Three large boys were picking on a small blonde child. They were cackling and pinching him, pulling his hair, his clothes, and just before Eren's outraged scream, they snatched a large book from the boy's arms.

The boy screamed too; while he had been passively bearing with the bullying, he began to fight back when they took the book; not that he made a difference. His efforts were pitiful, and Mikasa just wanted to leave, wanting nothing to do with these horrible bullies and the weak child.

But Eren had a very different idea. He ripped his sleeve away from Mikasa's grasp and launched himself at the bullies before she could so much as utter a sound.

"Give it back, you bastards!"

By the time she had managed to shout "Eren!" he was in the thick of the fight, knocking over a tall boy while a white-haired boy punched him.

"Come and get it, little brat!" One of the bullies jeered and ran away, brandishing the book. The blond boy let out another scream of anguish, making her wince.

The other two bullies laughed at this, and knocked Eren and the small boy down. "You sound more and more like a girl everyday, you little heretic!"

One of the boys straddled Eren and sat on top of him, which must have been painful, as he was easily twice Eren's size.

"Ride him around like a donkey!"

Eren twisted and snarled but could barely move his arms and feet. Meanwhile, the blond boy struggled to get to his feet, but barely succeeded before the other bully knocked him down again.

Mikasa, who had felt everything from fear to worry, now felt a spark of anger. She saw Eren's scrunched up face, heard his voice that sounded just like it did that day when he had murdered those men.

_Fight!_

Power surged through her again, a feeling she hadn't felt since she had gripped the knife so hard she broke the hilt. Nostrils flaring and eyes narrowing, she joined the fight.

They never saw what hit them. The boy sitting on Eren  _felt_ the fist at his jaw, but never saw it coming. He flew off Eren and crumpled in a heap at the opposite wall. The other boy's jaw dropped, which was in the next moment jammed back shut with the flying kick she gave him. He collapsed, too, and the blond boy nearly went down with him.

She turned around to ask Eren if he was alright, but he was already running. "Give Armin his book back, you animal!" He screamed and ran down the alley the last bully had gone down.

Mikasa turned to the blond boy.  _Armin_?

"Eren!" The boy cried, and then he turned to Mikasa.

"Quick, I know where they're heading -we can cut them off!" No introductions, no explanations. She took only a moment to agree; Eren needed help, after all.

Armin wasn't very fast, but he led her through some sharp turns and curves of the road, sometimes even passing through someone's backyard, dodging the clothes they had hung out to dry.

Mikasa, while mostly worried about Eren, couldn't help but feel a twinge of disappointment when she thought of Armin. She had pictured him as a second Eren, but perhaps taller and stronger and smarter, as Eren always spoke so well of him. She realised that Eren had mostly told her of Armin's intelligence , which she supposed she very well couldn't judge from his appearance. Still, the doubt remained. What  _did_ Eren see in this boy?

They stumbled into a small square with a dingy fountain. Armin came to a stop, and Mikasa turned to ask him where they were, when a large gate creaked open and the third bully sauntered into the square. He stopped abruptly when he saw Mikasa and Armin, and smirked. There was no sign of Eren.

"Come back for more, Arlert?" His gaze fell on Mikasa. "And who's this little doll you've brought with you?"

"Leave her alone!" Armin said so harshly, she could hear Eren's edge in his voice.

"Gladly," the bully said, still smirking. "Run along, Missy. I've got business with the other little girl now."

Mikasa didn't budge. Her voice remained even. "Give him his book back."

" _Him_ , you say? See, I thought this little wimp was a tiny girl. And if he's brought you along, well then, it just proves my point, you see."

Armin flushed, but Mikasa didn't bother to understand, because she didn't see what was so wrong with being a little girl anyway.

"Give him his book back," she repeated.

"Now, now, I don't like hitting pretty little girls, but the  _ugly_  ones I don't-"

He never finished whatever he had to say on the topic of ugly little girls. She jammed her palm into his abdomen, then, tripping up one of his feet, she easily used the momentum to flip him over, making him land hard on his back, knocking his breath from him.

"Wha -what…"

She leaned down, picked up the thick leather-bound book, dusted it and handed it to Armin. He took it from her wordlessly.

"What…" The bully got to his feet painfully. "What the hell  _are_  you?"

Mikasa flushed, flustered for the first time by something the bullies had said. Surprisingly, Armin spoke up from behind her. "I said, leave her alone. Get lost, Fuller!"

The bully named Fuller glared at them, and for a moment it looked like he would attack, and Mikasa unconsciously curled her palms into fists. Then Fuller sneered, "You'd better watch your back when little girls aren't there to watch it for you. Bloody heretic." He slouched away, a distinct limp in his gait.

Armin let out an audible sigh, slumped over to the empty fountain, and sank onto the fountain ledge. Mikasa followed him hesitantly. "Where's Eren?"

"He'll be here," Armin said, still a little breathless from the exertion. "We took a really short route." He took another deep breath and opened the book and flipped through the pages rapidly. He sighed with relief when it appeared undamaged.

She shifted her weight from one foot to another. This boy was strange, and she knew  _she_ was strange, and she had no idea what to say. Where  _was_  Eren?

Armin finally closed the book and looked up at her. "Thank you," he muttered quietly. "This book is very precious to me." The gratitude was clearly heartfelt, and Mikasa didn't know how to respond to that, so she simply nodded.

Then the boy smiled, and his face brightened up like the sun coming out of the clouds. He looked positively radiant. "I'm sorry, we haven't formally met before. You're Mikasa, right? I'm Armin."

Her eyes widened. So he already knew about her.

"Eren told me about you," he said in explanation. "He said you'll be staying with him from now on?" The blue gaze of his eyes were suddenly critical and clever. She started to feel a sneaking suspicion in the back of her mind, as to exactly why murderous, angry, active Eren would be friends with this boy. He didn't seem to be aware of it himself, but she could tell those eyes, and the intellect behind them, would be a force to reckon with.

"Yes."

He didn't ask her why. Eren had probably told him the whole sordid story, but he didn't ask her any questions. This made her feel grateful again, which brought her to another realisation. While he might be dangerous like Eren, he was also kind like Eren. He was still smiling that radiant smile at her, and his blue eyes, when you got past the scrutinizing quality, were also warm.

"Nice to meet you," he said politely. She remembered Eren had said he lived with his grandfather. She wondered what his grandfather was like.

They shook hands, but Armin winced violently, causing her to drop his hand in alarm.

"I -I'm sorry! Did I press too hard?" She gasped, feeling horrible. She was acutely aware of her own strength, and was now also aware of this boy's weakness.

"No, I think I hurt my wrist when I punched them," he mumbled. Mikasa remembered the pitiful blows he had been raining on the bullies, and wondered how he had managed to hurt  _himself_  from that effort.

"Oh. I'm sorry."

Armin shook his head. "It's nothing new. They keep picking on me."

Eren had never mentioned this. "Why?"

"Because whatever they don't understand, they fear. And they lash out because of that fear, hurting and destroying what they can't comprehend."

Mikasa blinked. "I'm scared of things I don't know," she admitted in a small voice.

Armin looked at her. "But you're not like them!"  _How?_  The question must have been plain on her face because he explained, "Because you're like Eren, aren't you? You won't hurt someone or destroy something just because it's beyond your understanding, right?"

"I guess." She sounded unconvinced, even to herself.

"Alright. Let me tell you something. Did you know most of our world is covered in water? That this water is salty, and it's called the ocean?"

Her surprise must also have been evident.

"Exactly. You didn't know this, right?"

"No."

"So it's new. It's something you've never heard of, never had to think about. Are you scared?"

"...No."

"Does it make you angry that I know this and you don't?"

"No."

He shrugged, then winced in pain. "Then you're not like them."

She frowned, struggling to grasp all this information. "But I still don't understand. Why do they pick on  _you_?"

"Because I'm smaller, because I'm weak. Because it makes them feel worse when someone as weak is me is smarter than them." He said the last statement matter-of-factly, with no pride. Pride, Mikasa guessed, was one of the last things Armin had.

"The strong prey on the weak," she murmured.

"Yeah." Armin looked at the cobblestones. "I wish it wasn't like that."

He suddenly looked so morose that Mikasa felt a faint twist in her chest. The strong prey on the weak. Didn't she know this better than anyone else?

"It's a cruel world," she sighed, sitting down carefully next to him. She had to clench her fists and her jaw to keep the memory of her parents' corpses away. A cruel, cruel world.

There was a long moment of silence. Then, Armin said softly, "But it's a beautiful world, too." She looked at him. He smiled at her expression, opened the book again and moved it closer to her so she could see. "Look."

In it, there was a picture. A lovely coloured picture of a large, large lake, the largest lake she had ever seen, deep blue and with white-crested waves. A full moon shone in the starry black sky above it.

"Is this the ocean?" She whispered.

"Yes. Beautiful, isn't it?"

She nodded slowly. "And it's real?"

"Definitely."

He beamed at her, his entire visage suddenly brighter than it had been so far. Unbidden, she felt the corner of her lips twitch. She hadn't smiled in nearly three days.

"Hey guys!"

Eren came tumbling into the square, face flushed with exertion. He stopped when he saw them sitting down, and frowned. "Where'd that ass go?"

"Mikasa beat him up," Armin said gleefully, and again, Mikasa felt a smile coming on.

"Really?" Eren seemed thrilled, and Mikasa felt a certain amount of joy as well, now that she knew she could hold her own and protect Eren in his numerous fights. And Armin, too. He needed protection, too, she knew now, more than Eren needed it.

"Oh yeah, Mikasa, where did you learn to fight like that?" Eren asked her, his eyes shining. "Can you teach me?"

Mikasa blinked, even Armin looked curious. "I… I don't know how I know. No one taught me. My… my mother didn't like violence."

In her head she could see her mother screaming, jabbing at a man with her sharp sewing scissors.

"Are you telling me you've never fought before?" Eren, who by now she knew had an affinity for violence, looked shocked. Even Armin was staring at her, wide-eyed.

She shook her head. She never had had to fight. What was ever there to fight about? With whom?

"That's… amazing," Armin breathed.

For a moment, she thought she saw something dark flicker in Eren's eyes. Something like anger. But then he grinned. "You'll fit right in, Mikasa."

Armin was smiling again. "He's right." She must have looked a little concerned, so Armin nudged her with his elbow. "Hey.  _I'm_  here, aren't I? And I'm a lousy fighter."

Eren nodded vigorously. "He is."

Mikasa nodded, too. "You are."

Armin looked stunned for a moment, and Mikasa went red again, realising how rude she had just sounded. But then Armin just laughed. "Come on, Eren. Let's show her the river."

"Yeah! You'll like it, Mikasa, there are all these boats…"

Without second thought the two boys flanked both her sides. Eren held her hand and talked enthusiastically about the river, the boats, the one time he had fallen in and how he'd learnt to swim. Armin didn't touch her, but his shoulder grazed hers every now and then. He hugged his book to his chest and added his thoughts to the conversation whenever Eren paused for breath.

Mikasa looked between the two of them, at their bright, smiling faces and their sparkling, excited eyes -one pair green, the other blue, both just as brilliant and kind.

The world is a cruel place, she told herself.

_But beautiful._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I've been trying to imagine Mikasa's first meeting with Armin for the longest time, and I've always assumed they first met when Mikasa beat up his bullies for him. I also like to think that Armin introduced the concept of 'the world is beautiful', whereas when her parents died, Mikasa was only convinced that 'the world is cruel'. A beautiful world, with many wonders to see, sounds like a very Armin thing. :)
> 
> I loved writing Mikasa/Carla interactions because clearly they both care about each other deeply. Mikasa's "No!" when Carla asks her to run in episode 1 is heartbreaking.
> 
> Again, hope no one was OOC. Let me know what you think!


	4. The Refugee Reallocation Project - Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New story arc time! I am shit at worldbuilding, which is why I am so comfortable writing canon fanfiction. Hopefully, though the scenes below don't seem too pathetic.
> 
> Warning: Strong language up ahead. Like, really. F-bombs galore. Apologies in advance.

 

* * *

"Hey," Eren's voice was low, tight.

"What happened?" She took one look at his expression and could not hide her concern.

"Nothing happened," Eren snapped irritably, sitting down opposite her with his tray. "Relax, already."

Armin sat down next to her, his plate nearly empty. Mikasa glanced at the plate, then at him. Armin stared back resolutely. "I'm not hungry."

She continued to stare at him, but while this tactic still worked on Eren, Armin had now learnt to match her stare with an even gaze of his own. Armin is growing up, too, she realised, with another pang of hurt.

She saw a pink bruise under Armin's eye, so light it could be missed. But she didn't miss it, and brushed her finger on his cheek. He flinched hard.

"This is new," she murmured.

Armin exchanged a glance with Eren. "I walked into a pole," he said.

"A pole," she repeated flatly.

"Yes."

"It was an ugly pole," Eren supplied. Both the boys smirked.

"You're hopeless," she sighed. "I'm asking for a transfer tomorrow."

"Stop mothering us, Mikasa!" Eren snarled. "We can take care of ourselves!"

"Remember what we discussed last night, Eren?" She looked at him, and was satisfied to see his scowl slip off his face.

Armin looked between the two of them, blue eyes flickering rapidly. "What did you discuss?" When neither of them answered, he frowned. "Don't tell me you made some sort of agreement with respect to  _my_  safety." Mikasa kept her deadpan expression but was internally marvelling at how quickly Armin had guessed the truth. Eren's expression was more easy to read.

Armin shot up and banged his plate on the table. "How many times have I told the two of you? I will  _not_  be a burden. Stop trying to make me yours!"

A few people nearby looked up from their dinner. Eren and Mikasa, both stunned by this outburst, started to speak, but Armin stormed off before a single sentence was uttered, casting away his untouched food at the disposal counter.

Mikasa looked at Eren, worried. "He needs to eat."

"I'll sneak something over for him," he assured her.

She sighed. "Will you please tell me what happened?"

"Just drop it, Mikasa," Eren snapped, his expression darkening again. "I wanted to ask you something anyway."

"What is it?"

"I want to start sparring again. With you."

Mikasa looked up at him, alarmed. Very soon after the fall of Shiganshina, Eren had insisted on bettering his physical skills as much as he could. That included having Mikasa spar with him for an hour everyday. Needless to say, it went badly. For days Mikasa clearly held herself back, until Eren had yelled at her and goaded her into using her full force. Eren had been out of commission for two days, whereas Mikasa, Armin, and his grandfather had to work extra to earn enough rations. They never got back to sparring again.

Until now. "What? You can't be serious!"

"Why not?" Eren muttered testily. "I want to practice. And Armin wants to join us, too."

Mikasa dropped her spoon. "No. I won't do it."

"We're joining the Training Corps in less than six months! We need to train before we get there."

"We can start training there. It's called the  _Training_  Corps."

"Don't get smart with me," Eren scowled, but she was glad to see a twinkle in his eye at that terrible joke. "Anyway, Armin's joining us this time. He's actually drawn up a training plan for us and everything. Please, Mikasa," all his rage slipped out of his visage, leaving behind only the desperation. "We need to do this."

Mikasa wavered. "I… I'll have a look at Armin's plan first."

"Yeah, of course! I mean, you can change it and stuff, depending on how you want it to go." Eren looked so eager, she felt slightly mollified, enough to ignore her misgivings.

"Alright, then. Are you done?"

Eren scarfed the rest of his meal down, barring some rice dumplings, which he carefully wrapped in an empty cracker wrapper. Mikasa saved some stew, and they somehow managed to sneak the food out, and made their way to the boys' cottage.

* * *

Mikasa set about to work the following day with a vengeance. She blazed through the sowing she had been assigned, and managed to spare herself a half hour before lunch. She made her way to the Overseer's office, which was a wall-less hut with a crude wooden desk and chairs.

The Overseer was a short man, shorter than even her, and she was still growing. He sat behind the desk glaring at some papers, his balding forehead in his hands.

He didn't sense her approach, so she tapped on a wooden beam sharply. His head shot up.

"What is it? Why aren't you working?"

"I'm done."

"Done, is it? What were you assigned today?"

She told him. The Overseer raised one bushy eyebrow. "That's the area on the side of the hills, yes?"

She simply nodded.

"Well, what do you want? More work, eh? There's plenty to go around."

"I want to be reassigned."

"Oh? Where to?"

"Construction."

To her surprise, he burst out laughing. "Now, now, young lady," he said, in a manner so condescending she wanted to slam his head into his dingy desk, "you may be good at the farming, but that doesn't mean you're fit for construction. That's hard work, you know. A man's job."

Mikasa fought to keep her voice level. "I think you'll find I am capable enough."

"I'm sure  _you_  think you are.  _I,_  however, have neither the time nor the patience to test that fact." His face slackened and he looked bad-tempered again. "Now, get going."

"But-"

"I said, get going, brat." He flashed her one last dark-eyed look of venom, and turned to another man who had stepped into the hut.

Stiff with anger, she strode over to the desk and slammed her palms on it, making the desk wobble and both men jump. "I  _want_  to be reassigned."

"Holy Sina," the Overseer swore. "Alright, I'll think about it! Now, get the fuck out."

Mikasa gave him a long, murderous glare for good measure, then turned away. She knew it was the most she could hope for at this point.

Later that evening after work, Mikasa hurried over to the boys' cottage, where they were already waiting for her.

"There you are!" Eren exclaimed. "We only have a half hour before dinner, come on!"

Under Armin's supervision, Mikasa and Eren began to spar.

"Remember," Armin said, tapping the paper where he'd drawn up the training plan. "Only grappling for now. We'll practise stances and postures, and move on to offensive moves when we've mastered these."

Eren grunted to show he understood. He was so easy to read by now; he clearly did not like this part, which involved no blows nor fisticuffs. He was itching to move on to offensive moves and it showed.

"Eren, stop." She told him. He kept pushing at her, his nails cutting into her wrists. "Eren."

"Just fight, Mikasa!"

"No." She locked her elbows, did a quick, easy sidestep that sent Eren tumbling past her and he fell hard, face-first.

He sat up, his face all dirty and scrunched up in pain. "What the hell, Mikasa!"

She crossed her arms. "I told you to stop. That's not the way to do it."

He scowled and scrambled to his feet. "Why the hell not? I'm not punching the shit out of you, am I?"

Mikasa sighed. "Armin?" She would rather he explained it.

Armin scratched his head nervously. "Erm, you're still on the offensive, Eren. You're pushing too hard. Your focus should be making sure  _she_  doesn't push you."

"But she isn't pushing!" Eren spat. "She's holding herself back again."

"You said you wanted to learn." She deadpanned.

Eren's eyes darkened with anger. "Don't get too full of yourself. Fucking fight me, already."

Mikasa sighed softly. She had long since given up on getting Eren to stop swearing. And she knew the look on his face very well.

She reverted to her starting pose, legs apart, arms let loose, but hands in fists. "Fine. Let's start over."

Eren glared at her as if to say,  _you'd better do it right, this time._

_I know, Eren._

She waited, and, sure enough, he charged. Immediately, she brought up her arms, crossed at the wrists. The force of his charge made her budge backwards an inch.

Eren noticed. "No holding back, remember?" he growled. She huffed and closed her eyes, trying to pretend that someone unimportant, some violent stranger was attacking her.

It worked. She dipped into the power within her, so familiar now, and locking her muscles in place, she turned to stone.

Eren pushed for five whole seconds and let out a frustrated growl when she didn't budge.

"Stop," she said, and this time Eren listened and let go of her arms sulkily. "Did you see my stance? My position?"

"Uh, yeah." She glanced at Armin again, and again, Armin explained for her, elaborating how she had placed her feet, how she had set her shoulders to offset the force of Eren's push. Mikasa added her bit at the end, explaining to him how exactly she distributed her weight across her stance so that his push would not knock her off-balance.

Eren, though he still looked sullen, nodded to everything they told him.

"Again," he muttered and raised his fists. But here they were interrupted by a loud clanging. The dinner bell.

Eren let his arms drop with a snarl of frustration. "We'll start earlier tomorrow," Armin said in his calming tone.

Mikasa nodded. "I'll try finishing work sooner."

Eren simply huffed and stalked away. Mikasa exchanged glances with Armin, and then, with matching sighs, they both followed him to the dining hall.

* * *

The next afternoon she finished her work early again, and, once more, made her way to the Overseer's office. The hut now had walls under construction on three sides. The Overseer looked just as he had the previous day. He was even wearing the same clothes.

When Mikasa walked in, he was in an animated discussion with a soldier from the Military Police.

"How long does it take to allocate a fucking  _table_?"

The soldier seemed unfazed by his language.

"Calm down, Jacob."

"No, I will  _not_ calm the fuck down!" The Overseer yelled, a vein throbbing on his forehead. He was standing and Mikasa realised just how short the man was. "I won't calm down until you take me seriously!"

The soldier rolled his eyes, and at that moment, spotted Mikasa. "Wall's sake, look, man, you have a visitor."

The Overseer glanced at her. "For fuck's sake," he muttered irritably. "What do you want?"

"I want to be reassigned to construction."

"Reassigned - _reassigned_ … what did I tell you yesterday, brat?"

Mikasa, stoic as ever, said, "You said you'd think about it."

"Well, then, you have your answer. Now, get out."

Mikasa didn't budge. "I want to be reassigned."

The Overseer ran a hand over his face. "What're you, a fucking parrot? I  _told_  you, I'm thinking about it. Want me to crack open my skull and show you?"

He was being nasty on purpose. The MP soldier hissed, "Jacob!" But Mikasa simply said, her voice as polite as ever, "I could crack it open for you, if you like."

A moment of silence where both men stared at her. Then the Overseer let out a cackle. "You see, Phillip? Now this girl has  _balls_. When are you going to grow a pair and give me what I want?"

" _Fine_. I'll see to it, uh, tomorrow, I guess." The soldier, Phillip, scowled. Mikasa, who had felt some hope at the Overseer's reaction, felt her hopes crash when he turned to her and said, "I thought I told you to leave?"

"But you said-"

"That you have balls?" The man looked bored. "Congrats. Now get out."

Mikasa curled her hands into fists.  _Calm down,_ she told herself.  _You need something from this man_.

She turned around without speaking another word and walked out.

* * *

They didn't get to spar much that evening again, because neither of the boys could finish their work early. Armin ended up staying later than Eren, in fact, and only returned just in time to diffuse another burgeoning fight between her and Eren.

Not that Mikasa ever  _fought_ with him in the usual sense of the word. Eren was just about ready to hurl himself at her, fists ablaze and Mikasa was ready to beat patience into him again, when Armin arrived and insisted on sparring with Eren himself.

It was a clever move, Mikasa reflected, as they walked to dinner, because Eren would get to be the stronger one and feel better about himself. Armin, however, ended up with a limp.

"You went too hard on him," Mikasa chastised Eren as they picked up their trays.

"I'm fine," Armin said forcefully. "Eren didn't do that to me, anyway."

"Who did?"

She remembered observing blood on Eren's knuckles. Both he and Armin were trying very hard not to look at each other and focused on their plates. Neither of them answered her.

Mikasa narrowed her eyes. "Let me guess. It was another pole?"

"No, a brick this time," Armin said, directing a defiant look at her.

"An ugly brick," Eren muttered.

She stared at them. The boys snickered.

She let her spoon drop. "Why won't you tell me?" She asked them plaintively.

"What difference does it make?"

To that, she had no answer, and they spoke no more of it.

But later that evening, Mikasa walked over to the boys' cottage and handed Armin a white bundle wordlessly. Armin gasped and struggled to hold on to the squirming cat.

"Mikasa? What-"

"I don't want her next to me. You keep Moon-moon from now on." She said, successfully keeping her voice smooth. Without any further explanation, she went back to her cottage, ignoring the pain throbbing in her heart.

* * *

When she went back to the Overseer's office the next day, it had three complete walls. The desk inside, however, was still the same, and so was the man's mood.

This time he was yelling at a man who seemed to be his subordinate.

"Those fuckers in the Reallocation Office… What the hell do they think they're doing?"

He was pacing in his office and stopped abruptly when Mikasa entered.

"Oh god," he sighed before she could utter a word, running a hand over his face. "I'm not done thinking yet. Leave."

Mikasa raised an eyebrow. "Does it always take you this long to think about things?" The subordinate gasped loudly.

"You better watch your fucking mouth or I'll have you reassigned to garbage collection -in the fucking Underground." But Mikasa was well aware this man only had bluster, no substance. She crossed her arms and waited.

"I'm  _busy_ ," he snarled, gesturing at his ramshackle desk. "Try again later."

"When?" She asked him.

"I said later, kid. Go away."

She forced herself to calm down once more. It was unfortunate she kept catching this man in such a mood. There was no other time of the day she could approach him either, especially with sparring practice in the evening.

She gave him one final glare for good measure, and left.

* * *

"You haven't come to see Moon-moon, Mikasa," Armin told her that evening at dinner.

She avoided looking at him. "I've been busy."

"Of course. But I guess you see her here and there right?" He chuckled. "I barely get to see her myself."

"I haven't seen her in days." She admitted.

Armin looked surprised. "That doesn't bother you?"

She bit her lip to hide the lie. "No."

Armin looked unconvinced, but thankfully didn't press the subject.

After having to revisit old nightmares several nights in a row, nightmares she thought she had moved past, Mikasa understood how deeply ingrained the cat's presence had become in her life. She felt secretly ashamed, and vulnerable. That a speechless,  _unimportant_  little creature had such a strong hold on her emotions was laughable. Shameful, even.

So she had actively tried to avoid the cat whenever she did spot a gleam of white in the fields or near the ramshackle cottages. She would not let herself be so weak.

She would not.

* * *

Two days later, Armin turned up at dinner (he completely missed sparring) with a nasty bruise on his chin. As he sat down, he just said, "Don't."

Even Eren looked furious. "What the hell, Armin?"

"Eren, let it go."

"No." He shot up. "I'm going to teach those dimwits a lesson."

"Eren," Mikasa said wearily.

"What? I thought you wanted to know who did this?"

She did, she badly wanted to know who those sons of bitches were and  _make them pay_. But Armin sat silently next to her, trembling with anger and shame. Armin was in pain.

"I thought it was a pole and some bricks?" She raised her eyebrow.

She had said the right thing; Eren looked at Armin, properly  _looked_  at him, and saw the request in his pleading blue eyes. He huffed and sat down.

"I'll be ready for them tomorrow," he vowed.

Neither Armin nor Mikasa had anything to say to that either.

* * *

She went to the Overseer's office with newfound determination the next day. She kept remembering Armin's bruise and Eren's bloody knuckles.

When she walked into the office, the short man, as usual, was in the middle of yelling.  _Again._ The MP soldier, Philip, was back.

"You have  _got_ to be kidding me," the Overseer snarled. " _That's_ your excuse? Really? You see this ancient fucking ruin of a desk? Do you?"

Philip the MP soldier looked bored. "It doesn't look too bad to me."

The Overseer noticed her at that moment. "Look, kid. You see anything on that lump of wood there?"

She glanced at the table, which was bare. All the papers, ledgers and other odds and ends were piled haphazardly on the floor.

She shook her head, once.

"There, see? The brat sees it too. I'm incapable of working. Get rid of the bloody thing and then I can work on this poor, persistent girl's request."

"Don't be ridiculous, Jacob," the soldier sighed. "This desk is perfectly fine. And the new desk has to be brought out from storage and there isn't enough labour to do that anytime soon."

"I ain't doing  _jack_  until I get my new fucking table."

Mikasa huffed. Honestly, these men were grown adults!

Both men noticed her exasperation. "Yeah, come back tomorrow," the Overseer shrugged. "As you can see, my problem is still unresolved."

It was the nonchalant shrug that did it. She had been going to him for nearly a week, pushing herself to work extra hard every single day so she could spare the time. Meanwhile, Armin and Eren were getting hurt.

"So you won't do anything about my problem until yours is gone?" She asked him, her voice deceptively calm.

"Bingo," the Overseer drawled. "See, I knew you were a bright kid."

"Fine."

She strode forward, scrutinized the desk for a split second, and decided on her move. Before either of the men could question her, she hefted the desk with one arm. It was heavy, but she could deal with it.

Without a sound, she yanked up the table, and, swinging around with sudden force, hurled it out of the office. The table flew several metres away and collapsed into kindling-worthy pieces.

Both men's jaws dropped.

"He needs a new table," she told the MP serenely.

Philip the soldier managed to stammer, "We n-need men to transport it…"

"I'll do it," she said flatly, and turned to the Overseer. "After that, will you reassign me?"

The man only nodded.

She looked at Philip. "Lead the way."

She skipped lunch to help deliver the table. She loaded it onto a cart near the warehouse, and unloaded it at the office. No one offered to help her, but she didn't care. She could do fine on her own.

The Overseer still didn't speak as she half-dragged, half-lifted the new table into his office. She let it drop with a bang that made him flinch.

"Reassign me," she told the Overseer.

He stared at her. "How old are you, kid?"

The question surprised her, but she answered him. "Twelve."

"Old enough to enlist."

She didn't reply.

He deliberated for a moment, then seemed to come to a decision. "Fine. I'm reassigning you." He gathered up a ledger. "You're to be my new assistant."

Mikasa was stunned.

"What."

The man was suddenly voluble again. "You're a fucking godsend. I can get things done with you around."

"But I want construction!"

He looked at her. "Why?"

She blinked. "My family works there."

"Then it works out," he said, rubbing his hands together gleefully. "Most of my errands will be at the construction site. You'll have more free hours to go to them." He narrowed his eyes at her. "What more do you want?"

Mikasa searched for a better deal but came up with nothing. What more could she ask for, after all?

Resigned, she muttered, "Fine."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There are some interesting character traits I've been meaning to introduce for a while, which may seem a little OOC, but I think it goes with their character anyway. So, we have here a stubborn, angry Armin who hates being a burden, enough to create a scene in front of other people. We have Eren being a jealous nut who swears like a sailor (you'll see more of that). As for Mikasa, her personality traits are mostly serious, so I gave her one that made her more endearing to me - she makes shitty jokes and puns. Poor antisocial kid doesn't really understand jokes, you know? :)
> 
> I'm actually pretty pleased with how my OC Jacob turned out. I have a headcanon for his background, but doesn't necessarily do much for the story, so I haven't included it. You'll see more of him soon, so I hope you like him!
> 
> Again, thanks for the appreciation, and hope you guys like the way the story's going!


	5. The Refugee Reallocation Project - Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo, so this chapter's much smaller than the others, sorry about that. It's a bit of a 'filler chapter' in my head tbh. You'll see what I mean.
> 
> Hope you like this one!

 

* * *

The Overseer (he insisted on being called Jacob) made her go pick up a late lunch from the kitchens. Then, as if to remind her that he still had the upper hand, he sent her to one of the farthest fields from the construction site, to pick up reports from his juniors.

At any rate, he did let her go earlier than usual, giving her one final task -delivering more paperwork at the foreman's office at the construction site.

Mikasa couldn't believe her situation. He was ferrying her around for  _paperwork_? Well, she was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, so she did as she was told.

At the construction site, the foreman reminded her of a friendly blacksmith in Shiganshina. His name was Johann and he was  _loud_. His own assistant, though, was a different matter altogether.

He was a tall, skinny kid of maybe fifteen, with fair, almost white hair. His name was Maxwell and Mikasa did not like the way he looked at her when she delivered the papers. She managed to fend off questions, find out where Eren and Armin were assigned for the day, and hurried away, uncomfortably aware of Maxwell's stare fixed on her back.

Eren and Armin, when they saw her, looked more stunned than delighted.

"You managed to get reassigned?" Armin asked, wide-eyed.

She told them the story. Eren did not seem impressed.

"That was reckless, Mikasa. You risked a lot by doing that. You could've been thrown out of the Refugee Project and then where would you be?"

Mikasa rolled her eyes. "There was no fear of that. I know the Overseer well enough now."

Eren didn't answer and lugged a heavy bag of cement away instead.

"Don't worry about him," Armin told her, struggling to pick up his own sack. "He's just…"

Mikasa nodded sadly. "I know."

"Pride is a tricky thing."

And when Armin refused her help when she offered, she was forced to agree.

* * *

Jacob's temperamental fits were well-known across the Refugee Zone. Mikasa found out soon enough that this only made him more of a joke in the Project's management.

"How'd a pretty little thing like you end up working for him, eh?" One of the warehouse Supervisors asked her. As always, Mikasa didn't answer, at the most shrugging when the questions got too persistent.

She already knew the answer to that question, though. Because Jacob's temper rarely got anything done for him, it was Mikasa's persistence and strength that got him what he wanted. She could be bull-headed occasionally and she found out soon enough that that was what Jacob wanted her to be  _all_  the time.

She didn't like it. She didn't like to be ordered to be menacing, but at the end of the day, it got her close to Eren and Armin. And just as importantly, it got her money.

Refugees mostly earned only their keep -food and lodging. Medicines were treated as debts and had to be paid off afterwards. They did get a monthly stipend, but this was meager and pitiful in amount. Adult refugees were paid more, but even that was barely enough to save.

For the three of them, the fact that they had a place to stay and food to eat was more than enough. So they had been pooling their monthly earnings until a small amount had been set aside for extra expenses -usually sweets or special clothing. But all of them were perfectly aware how important it was to save money for a rainy day, so they rarely dipped into their pool.

Now that Mikasa was technically working for management, her pay nearly quadrupled in amount: this giving her her biggest incentive to keep working where she was. Jacob explained that the amount was still small by adult standards, but was incentive enough for more children to aim to contribute more to the Project.

She was surprised when Jacob told her that it was quite common for supervisors to hire children as assistants or apprentices. That way, the child would be practically groomed for certain roles they could obtain in the Project when they were old enough.

"See, not too many people want to work in the shitty Project," Jacob had barked at her through a cloud of cigarette smoke. "It's decent pay but not a very decent job."

"Helping refugees isn't decent?" She'd asked him.

"More like  _herding_  refugees," Jacob had chortled. "People feel all this effort and funds could be wasted elsewhere."

Mikasa knew, from the very day since they had been rendered homeless, that refugees were treated as unnecessary, unimportant. Lesser than regular citizens. The Reclamation Expedition was proof enough of the fact.

"Elsewhere?" She'd repeated. "Where?"

"Fuck knows." Jacob had shrugged. "You people are hated more than the Survey Corps, and that's saying something."

She remembered the whispers and the jeers that had pervaded the streets of Shiganshina every time the Survey Corps had marched through, and couldn't help agreeing.

He'd seen her look and scowled. "It's a shit world."

It most certainly was.

* * *

Eren and Armin had a plan. It was meticulous and efficient and Mikasa wished sometimes that Armin was not so gifted in brainwork.

Between the two of them, they managed to keep Mikasa away from their tormentors. She knew the bullying and the fighting kept on, from the fresh bruises each of them sported every now and then. But they were adamant that she never actually caught them in the midst of a brawl or came to their assistance. She still had no idea who was doing this to them.

"Why, Armin?" She asked him one evening, fighting to keep the tears away. Eren had limped off to change out of his bloodied shirt and she and Armin were waiting for him to spar.

Armin's stony look softened at the pain in her voice. "Why what, Mikasa?"

She was sure he had understood her question but explained anyway. "Why won't you tell me? Why won't you let me help?"

Armin took a deep breath. "We don't want your help."

The tears had threatened to spill at that point but she managed to restrain them. "Why not?"

"Because we're enlisting soon," he muttered rubbing an old, fading bruise on his arm. "Because you won't always be around to help us then. Because we  _have_  to be strong or risk being thrown out of the Training Corps."

"You'll be fine," she muttered, but without conviction.

"You don't know that."

She sighed and shook her head.

"So you see why we're keeping you away."

She didn't know what to say, and burst out instead, "But must you get hurt?"

Armin shrugged. "Pain is unavoidable, sometimes."

She wanted to argue that it wasn't, but how could she, when she knew it was true? At any rate, Eren returned at this point, and they began to spar.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yeah, like I said, short chapter. Also like I said, I suck at world building but I gave it a shot anyway, hopefully my little explanation about the Project makes sense. 
> 
> For the longest time I kept trying to imagine the hows and whys of that world's education system and if it was really believable that these twelve year olds were working in construction. I made myself quite the headcanon and then I remembered, oh wait. These are refugees. Who would care about their education when feeding them is in itself a big deal?
> 
> You don't even have to BE in this universe to know that. *sighs*
> 
> On that note, hope this chapter didn't disappoint too much by its length! Please comment and let me know what you think! :)


	6. Of Monsters and Men - Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo, shit's really gonna start going down in this chapter.
> 
> Warning: More swearing, and we really get into the mature themes that I mentioned in the summary.

 

* * *

Before she knew it, more than a month passed in Jacob's employ. She was a staple almost everyday at the construction site and got along extremely well with the foreman, Johann. Her only problem was the foreman's assistant, Maxwell.

His indecent leer had already made her wary of him the first day she saw him. Besides that, Maxwell had this annoying habit of standing too close to her when talking to her. If she moved away, he'd casually find a way to get close to her again. The worst part was that for some reason, Mikasa couldn't say anything about it. He never made it too obvious, and always spoke politely. Often, she wondered if she was being paranoid, and that she was just imagining things.

She eventually came to the realisation that it was  _not_ all in her head, and that Maxwell was quite detrimental to her happiness in the Project. This realisation was first forced on her due to an incident at the lake. Some cottages, including Mikasa's, had established a rotational system for each member of the cottage to do the laundry. On that particular day, incidentally, it was also Armin's turn to do the laundry for his cottage, so they went to the lake together.

It was a warm summer afternoon. Eren had left to work at the construction site in a rare good mood, which in turn had left Mikasa in good spirits.

Armin was chattering to her on how rain worked, his low childish voice a pleasant drone behind the sounds of water splashing. About a dozen people were at the lake that day, and Mikasa had taken a break after scrubbing clean a muddied apron, watching that week's kitchen staff do the dishes.

Then, a shadow fell across her and a painfully familiar voice went, "Why, hello there, Mikasa."

She didn't have to turn around to know who it was. Armin's rambling stopped next to her, and it suddenly seemed too quiet.

"Maxwell," she muttered and turned around. He stood with his back to the sun so his face was in the shadow, but she knew he had his usual unpleasant smirk on.

"I told you, call me Max."

When she didn't respond to that, he continued, "Laundry duty?"

She simply nodded.

"Well, don't you ladies work too hard! There's always someone else to do it tomorrow!"

She felt Armin stiffen next to her. Anger sparked through her -though she still thought it stupid that 'being a Girl' was supposed to be an insult, she knew Armin cared enough about those comments to be deeply hurt by them.

"I'm almost done with my load," Mikasa said quietly, "though I don't know about the  _other_  ladies." She made a point to gesture at a group of three chattering women not far from them.

Maxwell caught her drift. "Ah," he chuckled awkwardly, "my mistake."

Again, she didn't respond.

"Well. I guess I'll leave you to it, then."

"Yes."

"See you around!"

"Goodbye."

Armin waited until Maxwell had disappeared into one of the buildings of the settlement. Then, he said slowly, "Is that the foreman's assistant?"

Mikasa nodded, her mood ruined. She started on her scarf, which had been due for a wash for some time.

"He…" Armin was still staring at the building, a strange expression on his face. "He seems to like you."

Mikasa shrugged and slapped her scarf hard against the washing stone. " _I_  don't like him."

"Oh, good."

She stopped then, and turned to Armin. "  _Good_? Why 'good', Armin?"

Armin reddened and muttered, "No reason."

She placed a wet hand on her hip. "Armin. What aren't you telling me?"

"It's nothing, Mikasa."

He wouldn't say any more and Mikasa eventually stopped asking him.

* * *

"Ugh. This bread is stale," Eren complained and flung his loaf aside. It landed on his metal tray with a disconcerting clang.

Mikasa sighed as she tore her own hard loaf into pieces. "Just eat it, Eren."

"I don't want to lose my teeth over this."

"It's not that bad."

Eren snatched up his loaf, his beautiful green eyes flaring with anger. "Do you see this?" He rapped the table with his loaf and it made a loud knocking sound. "You seriously think this is edible?"

"Where is Armin?" She tried to deflect him.

"Work."

"Why does he work late so often?"

Eren didn't answer immediately. He was tapping his finger on the bread. "He-" He stopped, as if unsure he could proceed. "He needs time to finish his tasks," Eren admitted finally.

"You mean he's taking longer than the others," Mikasa said, her voice deadpan.

Eren simply nodded. "He doesn't let me help him. I'm not supposed to, and he won't let me get caught."

Anger prickled within her. "Why can't you help him?" She demanded, grabbing Eren's loaf from his hand. "What do they care as long as their job gets done?"

"That's exactly what I said," Eren said darkly. "But Armin won't listen."

"You should talk to the foreman," she said anxiously. "He seems a fair man."

"I would if I could manage to get to him."

Mikasa, who was in the act of tearing Eren's bread into small, bite-sized pieces, paused. "What do you mean?"

"We don't get to see him, Mikasa." He made air-quotes with his fingers. "He's a 'busy man'.He's almost never in his office."

That, Mikasa had to agree, was true. Her errands at the construction site always took longer than necessary because she always had to find Johann in the first place. More often than not, she had had to deal with Maxwell in his place, something she hated doing from the core of her being.

"I could talk to him if you like," she said quietly.

Eren opened his mouth as if to argue, then paused. She knew he hated having to depend on her, and the fact that she had better contacts than him surely rankled within him. However, Armin's happiness was at stake. For Armin's sake, it had to be done.

She could clearly see these thoughts pass through his mind as though they were written on his face.

Eren sighed and scratched his head. "I guess-"

"Hey, Mikasa!"

Bile rose in her throat at the sound of his voice.  _Not here. Not now._

She saw Eren stiffen up opposite her. Without looking at him, she said, "Maxwell."

"Why are you sitting here? Come join us at the Table." All of a sudden, she felt Maxwell's hand on her shoulder. She jerked away from it immediately and opposite her, Eren's eyes darkened dangerously.

Maxwell seemed to not have heeded her defensive reaction. "Come on. We have better food there." He gestured with his head at a table up in the front of the hall. Mikasa could see several overseers and their assistants seated at it. To her surprise, she saw both Jacob and Johann at the table. They almost never ate at the dining hall.

"No, thanks," she said as politely as she could. "I'd rather stay here."

Maxwell seemed to notice Eren only at that moment. Eren, for his part, was turning red with irritation, his arms crossed defensively over his chest.

"And this is…?"

Before Mikasa could answer, Eren barked, "What's it to you?"

Maxwell raised an eyebrow. "Just trying to be polite, kid."

Eren stood up. He had grown much over the past few months and stood almost as tall as Maxwell. "Try somewhere else."

"Eren," she said warningly. Maxwell's lip curled into a sneer. "You should teach your dog some manners, Mikasa."

Eren's face grimaced with rage. "You  _fucker_ -"

"Oi! What the fuck is going on there?" Jacob's voice, always loud, now echoed in the hall, silencing several conversations. Mikasa clenched her fists.

Maxwell turned around. "Just inviting Mikasa over to our table, sir."

"Well, what is she waiting for?" Jacob's cold glare was clear across the room. Maxwell shot her a triumphant look.

With a deep breath, she stood up. "Maxwell, back off." He hesitated, but saw the look in her eyes and turned and walked away with a huff. Mikasa crossed over to Eren's side and gently held his wrist. "Eren, I'm sorry, I have to-"

"Whatever," he snarled, yanking his arm from her grasp. He sat down with a huff and snatched his loaf back from Mikasa's plate.

"I'll try and talk to Johann about Armin," she said anxiously.

"Fine."

"And I'll try and sneak some food from the table-"

"I don't need your fucking charity." Eren snapped harshly.

She stared at him, not quite successful in hiding her hurt expression.

He looked away. "Whatever. Just go already."

"I'll see you after dinner."

He just grunted in response.

With a soft sigh, she made her way reluctantly to the head table. She managed to get a seat that gave her a good view of Eren, and almost every time she directed an anxious glance at him, she would catch him glaring back furiously. She made up her mind to talk to Jacob separately about sitting where she wanted for dinner.

Nearly twenty minutes after she had moved, she saw Armin stumble into the dining room and collapse onto the bench next to Eren. Her anxiety increased sharply - his cheek was swollen and his clothes looked dirty. It did not seem possible, but Eren looked even more furious than before. To her increasing distress, Eren abandoned his tough bread, shot up and stormed away, ignoring Armin's unintelligible cry.

"The fuck is that Jaeger kid's problem?" She heard Maxwell say loudly. Her attention came crashing back to the table. Maxwell wasn't looking at her; he was talking to Johann.

"Who?"

Maxwell shrugged. "One of the troublemakers. Always getting into fights."

To her horror, Johann began to frown. "Who is this again?"

"Mikasa knows him," Maxwell shrugged. "Don't you, Mikasa?"

She froze. From her peripheral vision she could see Armin rush outside as well. She perched on the edge of her seat, torn between running after Eren and staying at the table, between protecting him or protecting his reputation. She did not think she had ever hated Maxwell as much as she did in that moment.

Almost unwillingly, she forced herself to turn to Johann. "I know him to be a hard worker," she said quietly.

"That's debatable," Maxwell said smoothly. "Of course, Mikasa wouldn't know any better, but I do, since I've been seen him work, after all. Sorry to ruin your good impression of him, Mikasa, but I've seen him hang about with slackers and other riff-raff. I've long thought he needs to be dealt with appropriately."

A lot of things fell into place in her mind. She remembered Maxwell treating both Eren and Armin like they were strangers. She remembered Armin's forced silence and fearful eyes as Maxwell walked away from the lake the other day. She remembered Eren's fury and antagonism when she joined Maxwell at the head table.

Cold anger burned within her as she looked at Maxwell's amused dark eyes.

"You must be talking of someone else." She said, her voice tight.

Johann raised an eyebrow. "You know him well, Mikasa?"

"He's family," she said simply .

Johann seemed embarrassed. "Ah. We always think the best of those closest to us, after all."

"You think I'm lying?" She asked him point-blank.

"No, no, of course not!"

"You think I'm deluded, then."

"No!"

Johann looked so uncomfortable even Jacob noticed. "What's going on?" He turned to Mikasa. "The fuck did you say to him?"

She ignored Jacob. "It's my word against Maxwell's," she told Johann. "You choose."

Maxwell's smug look faltered a little. Johann had previously made no secret of the fact that he respected Mikasa's opinion.

"Now, now, we're not doing anything," Johann said hurriedly. "This is just talk over the table. It means nothing."

She wished she could speak as convincingly as Armin. But she could say no more, now that Johann had dismissed the matter. She glanced at Maxwell and could almost see him planning his next discussion with Johann.

She wished, at the very least, that she could beat Maxwell to a pulp.

She forced herself to belt down the rest of the food in her plate, trying hard to ignore Maxwell's tasteless jokes about the disabled refugees. Soon she hurried outside, making sure to wish both Johann and Jacob a very good evening before leaving.

 _Ugh_. She hated polite niceties.

She made an immediate beeline to the boys' cottage, and luckily found both Eren and Armin just outside, arguing loudly.

"Eren, they'll kick you out!  _Please_!"

"What's wrong?"

Eren turned his furious green eyes on her. "Finally decided to join us, did you?"

"I managed to sneak some food."

"Like I said before, I don't want your fucking food."

"Eren!" Armin gasped.

"The bread is fresh," she said, almost pleadingly, offering a loaf to him.

He slapped her hand away, nearly making her drop the loaf. "Why don't you go share it with your new best friend!"

"What?" Armin frowned.

Eren laughed without humour. "Oh didn't you know? Mikasa and Maxwell are thick as thieves now. They  _work_  together."

 _Bam_. Mikasa landed a punch on Eren's jaw, which made him stagger a step back. Armin gasped loudly, even as she and Eren exchanged identical glares.

"You're going soft," Eren whispered, rubbing his jaw. "Did  _Max_  teach you that?"

"I can't help it if my work forces me to interact with him." Mikasa mumbled, struggling to speak calmly.

"Yes, poor you," Eren said sarcastically. "With your high-paying job and your powerful, grown-up friends. What a trial it must be to play messenger day in and day out." He turned to Armin. "Makes what we do seem like child's play, doesn't it, Armin?"

"I'm doing it  _for_ the money."

"Yes, don't sell yourself short, Mikasa. The whores make the best money here after all."

The silence that followed was deafening. Armin had turned pale with shock and his jaw dropped.

Mikasa wanted to scream, to cry, to hurl curses and punches at Eren. She wanted to beat him, she wanted to pummel him, to make him take back those horrible,  _nasty_  words-

"Here." She slammed her bag of pilfered food into Armin's arms with enough force to make him stumble backwards. Without another word, she whipped around and went back to her cottage.

* * *

"Hey. Hey, girl. Mikasa, right?"

She was in the process of making her bed for the night and paused irritably. She was in no mood to talk to anyone.

She looked up and saw that it was one of the women who went out at night every now and then. She vaguely remembered someone addressing her as Phyllis. She raised an eyebrow at Phyllis, who was brushing her hair. It was apparently one of her nights out.

Phyllis smirked as she flipped her long, dirty blonde hair over her shoulder. "I couldn't help but overhear your little conversation with your friends." Mikasa stiffened and grasped her scarf tightly. "Just wanted to say, don't listen to your boyfriend. It's not so bad as he puts it."

"He's not my-" Mikasa began coldly, and stopped. "What?"

Phyllis' smirk widened. "He's not wrong, you know. We do make good money." She jiggled her purse which produced a surprisingly loud chinking sound. "You're quite a stunner, you are, with your hair and your skin. You could make some  _really_  good money. I know someone who can help you with that, if you like."

Mikasa found herself floundering for words. What -what was wrong with all these people? Why did everyone assume -why were her  _looks_  her most important asset? Why -how  _dare_  did people assume that that was the only way she could manage to earn something in this messed-up world?

She blinked, took a deep breath.

"No." She said, and went to bed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I always wondered if Eren and Mikasa ever fought. I mean, properly fought. We know they disagreed and bickered a lot, but like actual, hurtful, mean fighting? I decided I wanted to see that happen and hence the above chapter. Hopefully, they aren't OOC though.
> 
> I hope Maxwell appears as creepy as he's supposed to be. Women everywhere will have recognised the signs when Maxwell invades Mikasa's personal space multiple times, despite her clear discomfort. You'll obviously see more of him too, so buckle your seats!
> 
> Let me know how you like the chapter! I've reached the point where I've stopped on ff.net. Going forward, I'll update on both sites simultaneously. Don't worry, regular updates WILL happen, fo' shizzle!


	7. Of Monsters and Men - Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ho-kay, heeere's the next chapter! Yes, I do think Eren went a bit too far in the previous chapter... Well, do they make up in this chapter? Let's find out!
> 
> Thanks for the comments mystifi_ed! Really made my day!
> 
> Hope you guys like the update!

 

* * *

"Is there a lot of prostitution in the Project?" She asked Jacob the next day. Jacob, who had been about to sip his tea, paused. "What?"

"You heard me."

Jacob stared at her, as though measuring her up. "No more than there is outside the Project," he said finally, and sipped his tea. "Why? Want an alternate source of income? You'd make a hefty sum, without doubt."

"No," she said irritably. "Just something I heard."

"Well, you know what they say about it. That it's the oldest profession around," he explained, when she looked blank. "You'd be hard-pressed to _not_ find whores anywhere in the walls." When Mikasa frowned, he snorted. "Don't see why you're surprised about it. I heard some of the best ones were in Shiganshina, of all places."

"I didn't know," she said slowly, trying to suppress the sick feeling in her stomach. In her mind, she could see two men towering above her on a rainy day and arguing about killing her mother.

"No, I suppose not," Jacob said, sipping more tea. "You were a kid before the fall, after all. It'd be fucked up if you knew."

"The kids here know," she said.

"True enough. In places like these, whores and thieves reign supreme. Much like the Underground."

"You've been there?" She couldn't help asking.

Jacob nodded. "Now, _that_ is fucked up. You don't know how good you've got it here, kid. At least you've got sunlight and fresh air. Down there, getting a clean, decent-looking whore is a fucking _miracle_." He spoke as if from experience. Bile rose in Mikasa's throat.

"Why the sudden interest anyway?" Jacob asked, swigging the last of his tea. "Did someone make an offer?"

When she remained silent, he cackled. "Oh, they _did_! I have to say, I'm not surprised. Like I said, kid, you look pretty damn-"

"Enough." She stood up abruptly. "I'd like to go now."

"You'll leave when I tell you to," he said petulantly. "I need you help Johann sort through some employee registers and bring them over for me."

"Right." She started to leave, when Jacob snapped, "Did I say you could go?"

She huffed and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Johann won't be in until twenty minutes from now."

She shrugged. "I'll wait in his office." She walked away.

"Come back here, you ungrateful-!"

Mikasa ignored him, as usual, and continued on her way.

* * *

She was alone for a few minutes as she waited for Johann to return. When she heard footsteps outside Johann's office, her gut twisted for a moment, and she hoped it wasn't Maxwell. She couldn't bear to look at his face, she just couldn't-

"Mikasa?"

It wasn't Maxwell. She stood up and turned around, and saw Armin in the doorstep. His face looked worse in the light of day; a large, bluish-purple bruise bloomed across his left cheek.

"Armin." She stepped forward and took his hand in hers. "How are you?"

Armin squeezed her hands and withdrew his. "I've been better," he said, with a half-smile. She frowned and shook her head. How Armin was so complacent about his injury was beyond her understanding.

"Are you here to meet Johann?"

She nodded. Armin took a deep breath. "Me too."

"He'll take a while. Come, sit with me," she gestured at the bench next to Johann's table. Hesitantly, Armin let her lead him in.

When they sat down, they were quiet for sometime. Mikasa didn't mind; silence with Armin was always companionable. However, Armin quickly broke it by saying, "Mikasa, about last night-"

"Don't."

"Eren didn't-"

"I know."

Armin stared at her. "You do?"

Mikasa didn't answer him. She was silent as she thought of the right thing to say. "Tell me, Armin," she said finally, "is Maxwell the one hurting you?"

To her surprise, Armin snorted. "Not he. He won't get his hands dirty. Eren thinks he can't lift a brick to save his life and I'm inclined to agree."

Mikasa frowned again. "Then…"

Armin seemed to hesitate, then he spoke. "He lets it happen."

"What?"

"Maxwell. He takes bribes. Our… bullies pay him. Eren and I refused. We get 'taught a lesson' every now and then."

Mikasa stared at him, appalled. "You should report him!"

"With what proof, Mikasa?" Armin said tiredly.

"Have you seen him take the bribes?"

"Yes."

"Then you're a witness!"

"It's my word against him," Armin said so reasonably she felt annoyed. "Why should they believe me?"

"Why shouldn't they?"

Armin sighed and twiddled his thumbs. "Even if they do, do you think it'll make a difference?"

Mikasa stared at him. Armin shrugged. "It's not unheard of, you know. Everyone takes bribes."

She remembered the number of times Jacob had shared smuggled cigars with Philip the MP. She remembered Johann telling her that he loved getting a good bit of beef every now and then, by any means necessary. She thought of the great difference in the food served at the overseers' table and theirs.

She curled her fists. "This isn't right."

"It's a cruel world, remember?"

She opened her mouth, but had no idea what to say. At that moment, a distraction arrived in the form of the foreman, Johann.

"Well, hello, kids!" He beamed at them, good-natured, as always. Armin greeted him shyly while Mikasa simply nodded, thinking furiously.

"I assume Jacob sent you?" Johann asked her and she nodded again. He turned to Armin. "That'll take time, so you go first, my boy. What can I do for you?"

Armin faltered. "Uh -I, um, wanted to make a request. Sir," he added hurriedly, clearly nervous.

Mikasa wondered if Eren had forced Armin into coming here. She was sure she knew what Armin was going to ask. It hurt her a little that Eren had refused to consider her offer to speak to Johann herself. Why was Eren so stubborn? Why couldn't he see that she _wanted_ to help, that her unique position amongst the three of them was actually a blessing? Everything was going sour, all because of that stupid, stuck-up, little-

"Maxwell," she said out loud, surprising both Armin and Johann.

"I'm sorry?" Johann said. Armin's eyes had widened.

Her heart was thudding, her brain a-whizz with a sudden idea. A _brilliant_ idea.

"I just wanted to know how Maxwell was recruited?" She asked politely.

Johann frowned. "Maybe I should deal with this young man here first…"

"It's to do with his request," she said smoothly. Armin's eyebrows were now going up. She was sure he could see what she had in mind.

"Oh?"

Mikasa took a deep breath. "I think he should replace Maxwell."

Armin's jaw dropped. So he _hadn't_ seen it coming. She felt inordinately pleased.

"What?"

She placed her hand on Armin's shoulder. "This is Armin Arlert. He's a very capable, very organised person. He took the Academic Exam when we were near Krolva District. Unfortunately, we were relocated here before the results could be announced. We did hear of them, though." She paused, and let herself smile a small smile. "He scored 98%."

Johann's eyebrows rose. "That's impressive." Mikasa decided that she was right in keeping Armin's real reason for turning away from a pursuit of academics -he had decided on enlisting in the military.

Armin himself still seemed incapable of speech, so Mikasa continued, "I remember you mentioning that you needed an Assistant for accounts more than anything else. Armin can help you there. Working at the site is a waste of his potential."

Johann stroked his chin. "What do you say, boy? Arlert, your name is, hmm?"

Armin unfroze. "Y-yes sir. I -I would be honoured to work for you, sir."

"You already do, m'boy," Johann smirked. "And lose the 'sir'." He leaned forward. "Tell me, what was your original request?"

Mikasa looked at Armin pleadingly. _Don't let go of this chance_ , she thought, hoping he understood.

She needn't have worried. Armin took a deep breath, and admitted, "Honestly, sir, I was hoping for a reduction in my daily duties. I -I'm finding it difficult to finish my tasks everyday." He glanced at her. "Mikasa suggested I ask you for an assistantship, but I didn't dare presume I'd get it."

"And if I did give you the job, would you be able to do it?"

"From what Mikasa has told me of the role, sir, I'm certain I can." He managed a shaky, polite smile. "I can't lift a lot, sir, but I can manage paperwork with ease."

"I can vouch for him, Johann," she added.

"And that is high praise, indeed." Johann leaned back with a twinkle in his eye. "I don't believe I've ever seen you smile before, Mikasa."

She looked away, embarrassed.

"Well, it certainly is food for thought. But see, there is a bit of an issue. I cannot go replacing people simply because a better person arrives. I need a reason to dismiss Maxwell in the first place." He looked at them apologetically.

Mikasa and Armin exchanged glances. Finally, Armin took the leap. "I believe I can help you there, sir." He touched the bruise on his cheek, and Johann's eyes narrowed. "Sit down, Arlert."

"Armin, sir."

"That's Johann to you, Armin."

* * *

"Come on, Mikasa!" Armin giggled, excitedly. "This way!"

Mikasa hid her smile in her scarf. She hadn't seen Armin this excited for a long time. She was glad.

The sun was already setting, the end of the workday approaching. Johann had sat Armin down and heard the whole story from him. Then, without another word, he had made Armin stay while Mikasa performed her errand for Jacob, so that he could familiarize himself with the foreman's paperwork. Armin's quick responses and practical ideas had delighted Johann to no end. He sent them away only when the work was done, insisting that he deal with Maxwell alone.

Mikasa and Armin could ask for no more and Armin dragged her to the site where Eren was working, hoping to share the good news with him. They ran through several timber skeletons of the buildings in construction. Finally, Armin paused outside a half-constructed frame, frowning at the empty site. "He was supposed to be here," he said softly.

She glanced at him. Both of them had the same thought at the same time.

"This way," Armin muttered, his expression starkly different from before. Mikasa's heart was thudding. If they hurt Eren, if they even _touched_ him now-

Down a slope, with a view of the lake, were several buildings that were fully built. Despite being new, they looked gloomy and squalid. This was the most the refugees could hope for.

Mikasa's eyes, however, were fixed on a group of people next to the lake. Three men surrounded a boy - _Eren_ \- and they were laughing as Eren screamed something unintelligible at them. All three of them, despite being different sizes, wore the same jacket -short and tan, with an emblem of crossed swords on their back.

"Shit," Armin muttered.

That was when Mikasa knew how serious the issue was. Armin _never_ swore.

Armin began to run first. "Stop!" He screamed.

All four of them turned around; Eren's eyes widened when he saw her. The men laughed. "Well, look who's here! Back for more, are you _girlie_?"

With surprising force, Armin yelled, "Leave him alone!"

"Or what, bitch?"

Armin skid to a stop. A dangerous smirk twisted his face. "Or I'll get you thrown out of the Project."

One of the men, a tall, brown-haired man with a paunch stepped forward. "How the fuck are you going to do that then?"

"I'm the Foreman's new Assistant," he said sweetly. "I can do anything I want."

They stared at him. A blond, beefy man said, "You lying little shit."

"Don't believe me, ask your friend _Maxie_." Armin shrugged. "Why do you think I wasn't at the site today, you oafs?"

They stepped forward, but looked hesitant. Mikasa stood in high alert behind Armin, ready to fly to his assistance at the smallest hint of trouble. The third guy, a sandy-haired man with a weak stubble, noticed her. "Who's the chick?"

"None of your business," Armin said smoothly. "Leave."

None of them moved a muscle. Mikasa felt more and more tense with each passing moment, until a figure turned up around the bend near the completed houses.

It was Maxwell.

"Oi, Max!" The brown-haired man called out. "This little shit's been spouting crap that he's workin' for Johann-"

Maxwell ignored him. He stalked over straight to Armin, but before he could reach him, Mikasa stepped in his way. "Need something?"

Maxwell glared at her. "Get out of my way."

She simply crossed her arms. Maxwell gave way to a snarl of frustration.

"You sneaky little asshole. You'd better watch your back." Maxwell spat at Armin and turned away. "Come on, boys."

"The fuck, Max?"

"I _said_ , come on!" Maxwell roared.

One by one, the men followed Max sulkily. The stubbled-man gave Armin one last glare, and they were soon gone. None of them moved until the bullies disappeared amidst the buildings.

"Is it true?" Eren finally spoke, his voice hoarse.

Armin sighed loudly, then turned to Eren with a smile. "Yes."

Eren blinked, then looked away. "Congrats."

Armin looked surprised. "Eren?"

Eren ignored him and walked to the edge of the lake where he retrieved his coat and his tools. "Come on. Let's spar." He straightened up, and caught Mikasa's gaze. There was a question in his sullen green eyes, and suddenly, Mikasa wanted to be alone.

"I'll see you at dinner," she said shortly and walked away.

* * *

Dinner that night was a trial. Both she and Armin were invited to the head table, and since neither of them could decline, they had to leave Eren alone at his table. To make matters worse, Maxwell and the three bullies sat not far from him, and resorted to taunting and threatening him between servings. She watched sadly as Eren finally snapped, and left the dining hall, his food almost untouched.

"What do their jackets mean?" She whispered to Armin. "They look like military jackets but what branch?"

"Training Corps," Armin said quietly. "They're drop-outs."

Mikasa frowned at them. She imagined the sigil only made things worse for Eren, who dreamed of wearing the jacket proudly. "Why pick on him, though?" Mikasa sighed, slipping an apple unobtrusively in her bag.

Armin sighed, too. "My fault." He looked at his plate. "They started by picking on me."

"That doesn't make it your fault," she pointed out.

"I know. Not directly."

"Directly or indirectly, it doesn't matter. It's not your fault, Armin."

He sighed again, and shook his head. "Eren says the same thing."

"He's right."

Armin shook his head again. "Are you going to talk to him?"

She looked up and glanced at his empty table. She had gone almost a whole day without speaking to him. She had never done that before, and she could see why: there was a hollowness in the very core of her being that refused to go away.

"Tomorrow," she promised.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: No, they do not make up in this chapter, sorry about that! But I loved writing Armin's promotion, the boy deserves something to be happy about.
> 
> Since they're my OC's anyway, I have this headcanon that Maxwell was adequate at his job, just good enough that Johann couldn't fire him. But I have a feeling Johann was aware of Maxwell's shady dealings and was waiting for a chance to get rid of him.
> 
> Jacob's little convo shows us just how problematic he can be - he doesn't seem to mind at all that a 12 year old was propositioned for prostitution. This was done on purpose; as much as I love writing his dialogues (basically using all the f-bombs I otherwise have to hold back), Jacob can be funny, but... he is not a nice man. Not a lot of people are in this universe, IMO. But hey, that was just a little thought I had to throw out, doesn't particularly count for the plot, so yeah.
> 
> Thanks again for the support and the comments! Hope you guys liked this chapter too!


	8. Of Monsters and Men - Part III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright-y, this chapter's a bit short, but it was one of my most favourite ones to write! Hope you guys will enjoy reading it just as much...
> 
> Thanks a lot to mystifi_ed for the comment! It really made my day!
> 
> Warning: Strong language, violence, abuse ahead.

* * *

The next day, Jacob kept her so busy all morning that she could only get some time for herself at lunchtime. Hoping that she'd have enough time to talk to Eren, she hurried to the construction site.

But fate had other things in store for her.

"Mikasa!" She recognised Armin's voice and felt panic jolt through her. He sounded distressed.

She whipped around, scanning the area around until she saw Armin running toward her, holding something small and white in his arms. As he came closer, she suddenly went cold -the white was mixed with a deep red.

"What-"

"It's Moon-moon!" He cried tearfully. "She -she's…"

He didn't have to explain. Moon-moon lay motionless in his arms, a gaping wound in her abdomen.

It was like the world around her had frozen. Denial screamed in her head and her heart throbbed loudly in her ears. No. It can't be. No, no, _no_ …

"I think -a dog," Armin wheezed, tears pouring down his bruised face.

"No," she whispered, reaching out.

Armin took a deep, shuddering breath. "Mikasa, she's alive!"

_What?_

"She's badly hurt, we need to get help…" Quickly, but tenderly, Mikasa picked up the little cat from Armin's outstretched arms. "I -Could you… take her, I need to -Johann…"

Mikasa nodded urgently. "Where?"

"There's… the horse vet. Past the lake." He took a deep breath. "I'm -I'm sorry. I'd take her myself, but-"

"It's your first day," Mikasa nodded again, understanding. "Go to work, Armin. I've got this."

With a grateful squeeze of her shoulder, Armin turned around and ran back the way he came. Mikasa set off toward the stables immediately. On her way, she thought she could see Eren's silhouette on one of the far-away timber skeletons. No, Eren could wait. Moon-moon was important. Moon-moon needed help. She took in several deep breaths to calm herself, but the tears continued to prick at her eyes.

She arrived at the vet's in a flurry of incoherent rambling. The woman made her slow down, and Mikasa explained herself again.

"You're not supposed to have pets," the vet said quietly.

"Please!" Mikasa cried. "She isn't a pet, we just know her - _please_!"

The vet sighed and took Moon-moon from her grasp gently. "Don't worry. I won't turn away a creature in pain." She made her way to another inner room, but stopped when Mikasa tried to follow her. "You wait here." She frowned. "Shouldn't you be working?"

"I don't have work today," Mikasa said quickly. She'd deal with Jacob when the time came.

The vet gave her one last appraising look, then shrugged. "Wait here," she said again, and disappeared into the inner room.

* * *

Mikasa waited for hours. She watched the sun move across the sky, a lone tear or two slipping down her cheeks once in a while. She thought of the number of times she had snubbed the little cat, purposefully avoiding it, pushing it off her bed at night. She remembered how easily she had passed the cat off to Armin, refusing to even play with it the few times Armin asked her. She had thought she had moved past her attachment to the cat, but clearly, she was wrong. Moon-moon, whether she liked it or not, had become family to her.

The sun was beginning to set when the vet emerged from the room. "She's fine," the vet said simply. "I had to stitch her up quite a bit, though. You can't take her back just yet."

Mikasa felt like she could cry with relief. "That's -that's alright."

"Come back tomorrow, and we'll see if you can take her."

Mikasa stood up. "Thank you," she said fervently. The vet's sharp look softened and she simply nodded.

Mikasa left the stables feeling rather drained. Even now, she found it hard to believe how emotionally attached she was to the cat. A strong sense of foreboding echoed in her head. They would be leaving in a few months. She couldn't take Moon-moon with her. What was she going to do?

She remembered Eren when she was once again surrounded by the timber frames. She felt a pang of guilt -she still needed to patch things up with Eren, and she'd already forgotten. She slowed down for a moment, wondering if she'd find him around. Then, deciding that Armin would be her best bet to find him, she hurried over to the front of the site, where the foreman's office stood.

"Ah, Mikasa," Johann said cheerfully. "I believe Jacob was looking for you."

"I'll go to him," she waved it aside. "But I need to talk to Armin first. Is he here?"

"He left for the day about… oh, twenty minutes ago." He grinned at her. "I have to say, Mikasa, that's a very talented boy. Thank you for your recommendation."

She nodded, distracted. "I was sure he'd help."

"He's already indispensable!"

"Good." Taking leave of Johann, she walked out of the office and thought about her next move. Eren and Armin were probably sparring now. With a sigh, she made her way to the other end of the Refugee Zone, past the sleeping quarters and the dining hall, onward to an empty patch of land surrounded by trees that marked the border to the fields.

There was a bit of a slope past the dining hall, and Mikasa hurried up, suddenly anxious. It was getting darker, and if Eren and Armin weren't at the grounds, it'd be harder for her to find them before dinner.

She reached the pinnacle of the slope and looked down, peering through the growing darkness.

A scream echoed from below her. Her heart skipped a beat.

There was yet enough light to see Armin, curled up on the ground, motionless, and Eren, being held by two men and beaten up by two more.

"Go on, scream again, you little punk," one of the men's voices carried over to her in the breeze. Anger flared within her and her muscles tightened with cold fury.

It was Maxwell's voice.

Without waiting a moment, she burst down the slope, running straight for Maxwell, and ran into his side with such force that he was thrown off his feet.

"Mikasa!" Eren gasped.

"Ere-!" _Pow._ Something heavy and blunt slammed into her abdomen and she collapsed in a mass of pain. The other man, wearing a familiar tan jacket, was brandishing a thick wooden cane.

She recovered quickly, but not quickly enough. Strong arms wrapped themselves around her torso. With a rough grunt she shot back her leg and tripped the man holding her. Half-kneeling on the ground, she tore herself from the man's grasp and headed for Eren.

"Holy shit-"

The man swung his cane again, but this time she was prepared for it. She caught it mid-swing, twisted it violently and pivoted under it, causing the man's arm to twist as well in the process. He let go of the cane with a yelp and Mikasa swung it toward his head instinctively.

To her surprise and horror, he ducked.

"Get her!" Maxwell yelled from somewhere behind her. One of the men holding Eren, the burly blond one, let go of him and barrelled toward her. She brandished the cane, but he bent low, and without slowing, slammed into her already painful abdomen.

She let out a whimper of pain, even as she rolled away from the still running blond man -but the man whose cane she had stolen grabbed her by the hair.

"Let her go!" Eren screamed. She heard a punch landing, and felt another burst of furious energy. Reaching up, she grasped the arm that held her hair. In a split second, she pulled forcefully as she started to run, the momentum of her movement pulling her assailant down to his knees.

"Max, fuck!" Another man screamed. She increased her hold on the man's arm, and ignoring the pain in her scalp, she rolled over, causing the man to roll too and lose his grip on her hair.

She recovered faster than him and leaped into a crouch. But before she could land a well-aimed kick in his gut, something slammed on her head forcefully, making her collapse again as stars shone in her vision and the skin on both her knees was scraped off.

Hands grabbed at her before she could orient herself and when her vision and balance was restored, she found that she was being held by all three Training Corps rejects. They held her tightly at each shoulder and a beefy arm wrapped around her neck as well as her stomach.

Maxwell stood before her, shouldering a crowbar, a leery grin on his face.

"Feisty, aren't you? Tantalising little bitch." He said fondly and held her chin. She tried to bite his hand, but he was too quick.

"Ooh," he giggled. "I'm going to have so much fun with you."

_Look at her face._

_She's still a kid, doesn't strike my fancy._

Mikasa supposed she would've struck the man's fancy now.

"Don't you fucking _touch_ her!" Eren yelled behind Maxwell. She saw him struggle to get to his feet; what had they done to him?

Maxwell ignored Eren. He stepped even closer to her. "Look at her, boys," he said lightly. "It's not fair, is it, that only Jaeger gets to play with her?" His grin widened, and before she could see it coming, he reached out and grabbed her chest.

" _You fucking asshole!_ " Eren let out a feral scream and launched himself at Maxwell.

"No!" Mikasa cried, but it was too late. Maxwell gripped his crowbar with both hands and swirled around, slamming it into Eren's gut and causing him to fall to his knees. Before Mikasa could even articulate the scream building in her throat, Maxwell swung again and brought the crowbar straight down on Eren's head.

Eren collapsed, motionless, blood pooling around his head.

Mikasa froze. No. _No_. How dare they. How _fucking dare_ _-_

Power sparked through her mind, charging her muscles, silencing her scream, numbing her pain.

These monsters were going _down_.

Without warning, she snapped her head back with enough force to knock the man behind her to the ground. Without even a wheeze of exertion, she next yanked her right arm so hard she sent the man clutching her shoulder sprawling to the ground in front of her.

The remaining man had one arm on her shoulder and one around her stomach. She spinned toward him, kneed him in his crotch, and when he doubled over in pain, kneed him in his face. Hefting his now loose arm on her shoulder, she lifted him effortlessly and spun around, throwing him into the man she had yanked to the ground.

Maxwell barrelled at her and she almost laughed at how slow he was: she caught his crowbar as he aimed at her, yanked it out of his hand, and before he could see it coming, hit him squarely in the back, causing him to go down screaming.

The man she had hit in the head now charged at her. She almost felt exhilaration: the idiots were slow, the idiots were inept, and best of all, _the idiots had given her a weapon_.

She simply stepped aside as the man charged, but even as he went past her, she hit him once, twice, thrice on his gut and on his legs, making him scream louder than Eren had as he fell down, too. The two remaining men untangled themselves and approached her menacingly; both were taller and larger than her. Unconcerned, she kicked the man at her feet in the face, cutting off his groans abruptly.

She didn't wait for the other two men to reach her. Suddenly running, she turned at the last minute and sank the sharp edge of the crowbar into one man's spine and left it there. Before the other man could even react to his comrade's garbled shrieks, she was behind him. Grabbing his arm, she pulled backwards and twirled on the spot, twisting it hard enough to hear the man's bones break. When he fell to his knees with a pained shriek, she reached across, pulled out the crowbar still sticking out of the first man's back, and jabbed it into the third man's side.

Dust cleared as she stood before the four groaning men, holding the crowbar casually in one hand.

"What," Maxwell wheezed, struggling to stand. "What the fuck _are_ you?"

She calmly strode over to him as he shakily got to his feet. "Maxwell," she said, her voice as soft as always. "Suffer and die."

Without warning, she swung the crowbar straight at Maxwell's kneecaps.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh my gods, I've been itching to write Mikasa in action since forever. And let me tell you, it is not easy to write at all. Three whole paragraphs can be less than 10 seconds of action. Hopefully, my attempt isn't too bad, and you can see Mikasa actually fighting the way I've written it.
> 
> On a similar note, I went through endless videos of MMA and self-defence moves to use in this chapter. Hopefully nothing there makes you go like, "But physics!"
> 
> Final note: I ended the chapter there because the last line had a nice ring to it. What happened next is up to you to imagine, whether Mikasa kept fighting or stopped where I ended the chapter. Personally, though, I feel like Maxwell's kneecaps were only the beginning. This is Mikasa frickin Ackerman that we're talking about, after all.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think of this chapter, and thanks for all the support so far!


	9. Reprieve - Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, thanks so much for the appreciation! I'm really glad you liked Mikasa's badass fighting scenes, looks like my efforts paid off! :)
> 
> A quieter chapter now, after all the violence from the previous one.
> 
> Hope you guys like this one too!

 

* * *

"What the fuck."

Silence.

"What the _fuck_."

More silence.

"Say something, dammit!" Jacob barked.

"They attacked us."

"Damn right they did. What the fuck happened to _them_?"

Mikasa shrugged.

"Don't move, please," the physician said testily, wrapping bandages around her bruised stomach.

"They're fucking crippled! For _life_!"

"They had it coming."

Jacob stared at her. She stared right back.

"It was all you, wasn't it."

It wasn't a question, so she shrugged again.

"Can you please stop moving," the physician said, exasperated. Mikasa froze her aching muscles.

Jacob remained silent while the rest of Mikasa's bruises were tended to. He only spoke when the physician left and Mikasa tried to get out of her bed.

"What are you doing?" He cried.

Mikasa grit her teeth and didn't answer. The pain wasn't unmanageable at any rate. She got to her feet slowly and Jacob grabbed her wrist.

"Sit the fuck down-"

"Don't _touch_ me," she growled, yanking her hand from him.

Jacob stared at her. "What did they do to you, Mikasa?"

Again, she didn't answer him. Instead, she hobbled slowly over to the two beds opposite her. A chair was conveniently placed between them, and Mikasa sank onto it.

Both Eren and Armin had concussions: Armin from having had his ears boxed too hard, and Eren from that terrible blow from the crowbar. The physician had frankly told Mikasa that it was a wonder the blow hadn't killed Eren. They'd know better what the damage was when they woke up, but for now, the boys were stable.

Alive.

Jacob dragged his own chair across to sit near her. She ignored him.

"Look, I know you don't want to talk right now. Fuck knows how you're still up after that ordeal." Jacob scratched his balding head, his dark eyes anxious. "But the MPs will want to know what happened."

"I'll talk to them."

Jacob frowned.

"What?" She snapped.

"This'll go on your record," Jacob explained slowly. "It'll affect your employment in the future."

"I didn't start the fight." Her voice was dull but neither of them were fooled by it.

Jacob shrugged. "You took part in it. That's all that matters."

Mikasa glanced at Eren, who looked like he was simply sleeping, except for the bloodied bandages that were wrapped around his head. "Will you have to fire me?" She asked Jacob point-blank.

"Yes," Jacob said just as directly.

"And Armin…"

"Maybe."

Her hands curled into fists again. It wasn't _fair_. It wasn't their fault. She hadn't even killed those monsters, on purpose, because she knew it was bad enough she already had murder on her record.

But her job with Jacob wasn't exactly important. They'd be leaving in a few months, after all.

She looked at Jacob. "When you say future employment," she said slowly, "is that restricted to the Refugee Project?"

Jacob raised an eyebrow. "You think you'll find better prospects outside the Project?"

Mikasa had never told him of their intention to enlist in the army. She had shrewdly guessed that they would not have hired her or Armin if they'd known they were going to leave in just a few months.

Now, however, she felt she had nothing to lose.

"We're going to enlist in the army," she admitted.

To her surprise, he snorted. "You think I didn't know that? Your little training sessions weren't exactly secret, you know."

She reddened slightly. Jacob's smirk widened. "Besides, your skills are wasted here." She looked at him, startled. Jacob shrugged. "I know a fighter when I see one. And all three of you are fighters, in your own fucking way." He sighed. "Yes, the MP's records will make it difficult for you to enlist. They don't want troublemakers in the army after all."

"We're not-"

"I'm talking about how it'll look on your record, brat."

Mikasa frowned again, glancing at both Eren and Armin. "What should I do?" She asked him finally.

Jacob grinned. " _Now_ you need my help, huh?"

She continued to look at him stonily.

He cackled, slapping his thigh. "Well, I didn't think this day would come!" He stood up and his voice turned gruff once more. "You leave it to me."

Mikasa almost breathed a sigh of relief. He nodded and walked away, but before he could leave the infirmary, she asked him, "Why are you helping me?"

Jacob stopped, turned around, and smirked his annoying smirk again. "You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Try and get some fucking rest."

* * *

Mikasa ended up falling asleep in her chair. When she woke up, disoriented, it was dark and quiet. She straightened up so quickly her bruise twinged with pain.

"Hey, Mikasa." Armin's voice sounded to her right.

"Armin!" She leaned forward and clasped his unbandaged hand. Relief bloomed like a warm flower in her chest. "How do you feel?"

"Like a pile of rocks," Armin groaned. "Better than Eren I guess."

She nodded sadly.

There was silence for a long moment. Then Armin said, "I saw him hit Eren on the head."

"You weren't-"

"I was half-conscious."

"Oh."

Silence again, then Armin asked quietly, "What did you do to them, Mikasa?"

"I didn't kill them," she said shortly.

"They -they told me those guys are… crippled?"

Mikasa didn't answer him. She felt his hand tremble. "Good." He declared.

She squeezed his hand and he stopped shaking. "I was afraid," Armin confessed slowly, "I was afraid you couldn't take them. They were pretty skilled."

"Because of their time in the Training Corps, I suppose," she said dryly.

"Mm." Armin coughed. "It makes me feel stupid. That whole training plan I made up was _stupid_. We were _nothing_ compared to their abilities."

"We'll get better when we enlist."

"You and Eren, maybe."

She peered at him in the darkness. She could just about make out his wide blue eyes. "So will you."

Armin slowly shook his head, his blond hair glinting in the light from a far away window. "I'm not so sure."

"Are you reconsidering your decision to enlist?" She asked him anxiously. _How odd_. Now that Armin didn't want to join the army, she suddenly wanted him there, right next to her and Eren.

He took a deep breath. "I… don't know." A pause. "What if they don't even _let_ us enlist after this?"

Mikasa squeezed his hand again. "You don't worry about that. I've got it covered."

Armin turned to her. "Mikasa?"

She shook her head. "I said, don't worry. We'll make it, Armin. Together."

He didn't answer immediately. Finally, he sighed, and she could hear the smile in his voice. "Together."

* * *

It was dawn when Eren finally stirred. Mikasa had been falling in and out of sleep in her chair the whole night, refusing to go back to her bed. When she heard Eren groan, her eyes popped open and she dragged her chair towards him with unnecessary force.

"Eren!"

He opened his eyes slowly when she clasped his hand with both of hers. He blinked, as if to orient himself. "Mi… Mikasa?"

"I'm here," she whispered.

"What -where…?"

"You're in the infirmary."

He frowned as he struggled to remember.

"How do you feel?" She asked anxiously.

"My head feels like it's been packed with sawdust," he groaned, clutching his bandages. "I don't -I don't remember…"

"It's alright, it'll come to you," she said softly. With her usual gentleness she detached his hand from his head. "Take it slow."

"Mm."

They were both quiet, caught in internal struggles. Eren was still clearly making an effort to remember, but for Mikasa it was getting more and more difficult to not cry.

He was fine. _He was fine._

"What…" She looked at him, and saw that his eyes were focused on the patch on her head, on the bandage peeking out of her shirt. "What happened to _you_?"

She shook her head. "I'm fine."

"That's not what I asked."

She shook her head again, unwilling to answer. Eren sighed, turned away, and coughed softly. "I feel like there was something I had to tell you…"

His hand stiffened within hers.

"Eren?"

When he looked at her again, his green eyes were glimmering with rage. "Maxwell," he breathed. She almost gasped. _He remembered_.

"What the hell _-Armin_!" He nearly sat up, if it weren't for his wounds. She knew he could see Armin's mop of blond hair on the bed behind her.

"Eren!" She placed gentle hands on each of his shoulders. "He's fine."

"They -they hurt him-"

"He's _fine_ ," she said more forcefully. "Trust me."

He looked at her, almost as if trying to see if she was lying. "Trust me," she repeated.

Finally, with a heavy sigh, he leaned back into his meagre pillow. Mikasa relaxed and placed her hands on his again.

When he seemed to have successfully calmed himself, he asked her, "What happened?"

"How much do you remember?"

He gripped her hands tightly. "I saw him - _touch_ you."

She took a deep breath. "I didn't let him touch me again."

"Did you kill him?" His eyes were on hers again. She knew he was thinking of the same thing as her -the men in the woods on that rainy day three years ago.

"No. I almost did." She admitted.

His grip was still painfully tight. "Good."

She nodded.

"And the others?"

"Same as him."

"Good," he rasped again.

They were silent again. Mikasa finally felt her tiredness catch up to her. Her eyes were burning with lack of sleep, the wounds on her knees were burning irritably, and her back was finally protesting at having spent all night in an uncomfortable wooden chair.

Slowly, Eren's grip slackened until his hand just lay within hers. When he spoke again, his voice was soft. "I do trust you, you know."

Her head shot up. "What?"

He refused to look at her. "I -I shouldn't have said those things."

"It doesn't matter."

"It does, though." He squirmed. "You know that's not what I think of you, right?"

"Of course, Eren."

"Don't just agree with me for the heck of it-"

"I'm not. Eren, look at me." He turned to her almost unwillingly. "We're family," she said.

"That doesn't make it-"

"I forgive you. Okay?"

He took a deep breath and nodded. For the first time in a long time, she saw his lips curve in a small smile. "Okay."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Like I said, Mikasa would've hardly let those thugs go without any serious consequences, not after what they did to Eren. With medical treatment they way it is in that universe, I doubt much could be done about Maxwell's kneecaps. Ha.
> 
> Armin addresses a point I wanted to make in the previous chapter - Mikasa nearly lost the fight to begin with because she is untrained. Her Ackerskills gave her an edge over the bullies, but Mikasa becomes a formidable killing machine later on because of the Training Corps. Of course, by nearly killing Eren, the thugs unleashed the Ackerbeast that only awakens in moments of great peril. So those assholes were pretty much doomed, anyway.
> 
> Quiet Eremika moments are so rare I had a big smile when I wrote the last scene in this chapter. This doesn't necessarily have to be romantic Eremika, like I've mentioned before. Romantic or platonic or familial or whatever the bond is, Eren and Mikasa are close, and that is what I want more of, more than anything else!
> 
> Wow, big notes this time round. Lemme know what you guys think!


	10. Reprieve - Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thanks for the appreciation guys!
> 
> This chapter wraps up this whole story arc. Hopefully it doesn't leave you with too many open questions.
> 
> Hope you guys like it!

 

* * *

"The fourth plot is doing well."

"What've we got there?"

Mikasa looked at her notes. "Corn."

Jacob huffed. "Fucking corn again. Still, it's better than bloody wheat."

"Potatoes are doing really well with the new fertilizer."

Jacob grunted as he jotted it down. "The farmers weren't joking. I'll apply for a bigger shipment." He finished scrawling his notes, then flung his pen away. "Anything else?"

Mikasa shook her head.

"So I guess this is it, huh?"

Mikasa let her arms drop limply to her side. "Yes." She placed her meticulous notes on his table.

"Hmph." Jacob crossed his arms and scrutinised her. "Not one for lengthy farewells, are you?"

She wasn't and so remained silent.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "So what's the plan?"

"The MPs have set up their recruitment desk near the dining hall. We sign up, pack, and leave this evening."

"No dinner."

"No."

"Pity." He glared at her for a moment, then tore a scrap of paper from one of his registers and scrawled on it. "Get this to the kitchens. They'll pack a meal for the three of you."

Mikasa forced herself to keep her monotone. She would not give him the advantage of seeing her emotional. "Thank you."

"You don't _sound_ very thankful, brat," he mumbled.

She didn't say anything to that either.

Jacob huffed again. "Walls know why I'll even miss you when you're this fucking quiet."

"You're going to miss me?" Mikasa blurted, surprised. _Him_ miss _her_?

"Yeah, probably not. I've got a ton of other needy kids to pick from."

"I'm sure," she said dryly.

Awkward silence descended on them again. Then Jacob stood up, leaning on the table she had obtained for him, and stretched out his hand toward her. "Well. Good luck, I guess."

She shook the proffered hand. "Thank you. You too."

"Thanks. I'd tell you to look me up in the future," he continued in his sulky drawl, "but I doubt you'll find me around here for long."

She wanted to know what he was planning, where he was going to go next. But that would be unnatural; she never poked her nose in his business unless he asked her to. So she remained silent until the handshake was done.

They looked at each other for a long, awkward moment. Then, with a small nod of her head, she turned around and walked away.

"Say," Jacob said suddenly, and she paused. "Won't you reconsider? How much would it take to get you to stay back?" She turned and looked at him incredulously. "Everyone's got a price, after all."

She stared at him, choosing the best possible response. She finally found the phrase she was looking for, a phrase she had heard Jacob himself use countless times to countless people.

"Jacob," she said carefully, "go fuck yourself."

She walked away, and wasn't quite successful at hiding her smile when she heard the whoop of laughter from the three-walled hut.

* * *

She made her way to the boys' cottage without any deliberation. Since it was recruiting day, both Mikasa and Armin had no work assigned to them. By virtue of Armin's job (ex-job, rather), he had managed to wrangle a free day for Eren, too. The other future recruits still had to work half a day before punching out of their shifts for the last time.

"Hey," Armin beamed in welcome and beckoned her in. Their cottage was empty but for the two boys, and a fluffy white lump that was currently sleeping on Armin's pillow. Mikasa felt a familiar twinge of affection in her chest, but it had dulled considerably over the last few months.

She felt almost no pain when she kneeled on Armin's ratty mattress and murmured, "I guess this is goodbye."

"Yeah," Armin said, his voice breaking. He had clearly gotten a lot closer to Moon-moon since Mikasa had given him her.

Mikasa searched within herself, to see if she felt remorse at transferring this responsibility of leaving the cat behind to Armin. She found that she mostly felt remorse at _not_ feeling any remorse. Well. It wasn't surprising. Her heart had hardened a lot over the years. The incident with Maxwell had only thickened the frost that now blanketed her heart with an intangible wall -a wall that seemed thicker in many ways than the very tangible walls that cooped up humanity.

She hadn't gone back to fetch the cat after the incident. It was only upon Armin's urging that she finally retrieved the cat from the vet's. It was strange, really, how she blamed Moon-moon; it wasn't the cat's fault, not even slightly. But for the longest time, Mikasa couldn't help but remember how she had paused at the construction site when she'd seen Eren on a faraway scaffold. How she could have stopped and spoken to him then and there, stayed by his side perhaps, and been there to prevent him from being so dangerously injured.

But no. She had chosen to go ahead. She had prioritised Moon-moon over Eren. Mikasa suspected she would never forgive herself for that. Not when Eren carried a permanent silvery scar on his forehead -easily hidden by his tufts of hair, but unmistakably _there_.

"I guess I'll miss her, too." Eren said sheepishly, his voice unsteady. Mikasa said nothing, for she could not lie.

Armin brushed the top of the cat's head with his fingers. Mikasa was glad to see there was absolutely no tremor in his hand. For weeks after the incident Armin could barely write with his injured hand. Mikasa had often worked twice as much in the beginning, sometimes doing chores for both Jacob and Johann. The only upside to his injury, as Armin insisted, was that he quickly learnt to use his left hand, and now he was ambidextrous.

"It's a physical skill," Armin had told her proudly, his face flushed with the pain and the effort. "And I don't have a lot of those, Mikasa!"

She had smiled and said she already knew he was talented without him being ambidextrous.

He had laughed it off.

"So how was Johann?" She asked Armin presently, watching Eren gently stroke the cat's back.

Armin smiled sadly. "Surprisingly okay. He's not a petty man, if anything. He wished me well." Johann had not been happy to learn his new prodigy of an assistant would soon be leaving him. Armin convinced him that he would take time to train his replacement to operate using his methods. That had certainly mellowed the foreman, but he had still made his feeling of betrayal vocal for a while.

"Johann did seem… nice," Mikasa agreed.

Eren snorted; apparently he found something funny. She glanced at him. "What?"

Eren shrugged, smirking. "Nothing. Just that you think someone is _nice_."

Mikasa frowned. "I think some people are nice."

"Yeah, _you're_ not that nice, Mikasa." Eren laughed. To her annoyance, even Armin was smiling.

"Don't you have laundry to pick up from the clothes lines?" She asked him in an effort to distract him. It worked.

"Shit!" Eren gasped and shot to his feet. "Be right back!"

"Nicely done," Armin chuckled, as Eren rushed outside. "But it's true, you know."

"You don't think I'm nice?" She was more confused than hurt, but she was sure she showed both emotions on her face.

"Well, you're kind. And you can be compassionate in many ways. But no, you're not _nice_." Armin placed a hand on hers. "Hey, don't worry. Neither am I, nor is Eren."

"You don't think _we're_ nice." It was a statement, rather than a question. Somehow, it didn't surprise her, nor did she mind the sentiment. And yet she felt curiosity, more than anything else. Why did Armin think that?

"No, I don't," Armin confirmed. She raised an eyebrow to indicate her unspoken question. _Why?_

But Armin just smiled and shook his head. "Another time, Mikasa."

She wanted to push him to explain further, but she knew he wouldn't answer her question now. Besides, his attention had shifted back to the cat, and his eyes were glimmering with sadness once again.

"I'm -I'm going to miss her a lot," he mumbled. Then, he swallowed hard and turned to her. "You're not, are you?"

Mikasa was surprised, but she didn't lie. "Not a lot, no."

"How did you manage to do that?" He said softly.

"Do what?"

"Push yourself away," Armin said, taking in a deep breath. "You -you used to care a lot more."

When Mikasa didn't answer, he asked her quite shrewdly, "Is it because of what Maxwell did?"

"How did you-"

"You didn't want to bring her back from the vet's." Armin blinked anxiously at her. "I hope you don't hate her. It didn't have anything to do with her."

"I-" Mikasa hardly knew what to say. Of course she knew Moon-moon had had nothing to do with the incident. It was just pure misfortune, that Moon-moon had to be so badly injured and needed to be taken care of on the very day that Mikasa should have spent with Eren and Armin. It was just another tragedy in the sequence of tragedies that had begun to consume Mikasa's life.

"I don't hate her," Mikasa mumbled finally, and reached over to scratch the cat behind its ears. Moon-moon began to purr immediately, even in her sleep. Mikasa smiled, a little wistfully. "She just doesn't matter as much."

"Oh. That's… understandable."

Mikasa nodded. She felt like she was beginning to get why Armin and Eren didn't think she was nice. A nice person would have cared more.

Neither of them spoke a word until Eren returned. Even then, they only spoke a little, in equal parts sombre and excited. The day had finally arrived. They would finally begin to carve their rightful place in this world.

She had gotten distracted, Mikasa realised later that night, as they tried to sleep in the carriage that was taking them to the Training Camp near Trost. Her rightful place in the world had always been clear, but Moon-moon, with her gleaming white fur and her playful blue eyes, had distracted her.

She pulled her new jacket closer as she looked down at Eren and Armin on either side of her. They were also wearing the jackets with the sigil of crossed-swords. The sigil had first left a sour taste in her mouth, as she was reminded of Maxwell's thugs, but she was already more or less indifferent to them. She knew she would be seeing a lot of that sigil in the next few years. Because come what may, she would stay in the Training Corps, right next to Eren, for as long as he did.

She would never leave Eren's side again. _That_ was her rightful place in the world. She felt it with absolute certainty, in the very core of her heart.

And yet, she was not surprised when she dreamt that night of little pale furry creatures bounding in the moonlight and of bright white flowers spilling onto a bloodstained floor.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yeah, I know this may seem a little abrupt, but this fic was never intended to be a pre-Training Corps fic. Be prepared to see more familiar people and scenes ahead!
> 
> I haven't explained what exactly Jacob did to let them off the hook on purpose. I don't find it particularly relevant to the narrative and I took a page out of Isayama's book when I figured you guys can imagine what you like! For example, not going into spoiler-y details, it is never explained in the manga what exactly Marcel did and how *exactly* Reiner got the job.
> 
> The "not-nice-people" conversation was added to simply have the sort of rambling, weirdly philosophical conversations that kids usually do. Hope it wasn't too rambling, I'll admit I'm not very pleased with my final result of that convo.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think, and see you at the next update!


	11. An Expedient Excursion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for some familiar territory! First of all, thank you mystifi_ed for your lovely comments, and the others for the kudos, it makes me really happy to know that my story is being appreciated!
> 
> So this here chapter was very fun to write, and hopefully, just as fun to read!
> 
> Only one "scene" to deal with, so hopefully it's not very confusing to follow. Enjoy the read!

 

* * *

Two months. It took her two whole months until she couldn't bear it any longer, and Eren's reasoning lay in shambles in her mind.

When Mikasa woke up gasping that night, she had to bite her fist to not cry out loud. She was trembling so violently the bed shook and she heard Sasha groan and mumble something from the bunk underneath her.

She froze; someone else's deep breaths abruptly cut off. Mikasa remained unmoving: the last thing she wanted right now was an audience. Digging her nails into her palms, she utilised every last ounce of patience she possessed and waited it out.

Soon, the loud sleepy breaths resumed. Sasha grunted, but that was normal. Hesitant and anxious, Mikasa sat up slowly. The soft noises around her didn't change and she almost sighed out loud with relief.

She'd already made her decision the last time her nightmares had plagued her, so now, with absolutely no deliberation, she swung herself off her bunk and landed quietly on her feet.

She plucked up her boots and her coat from their shelves at the far end of the cabin. Then, she slowly unlatched and opened the one window in the back. She knew exactly what to do because she had planned ahead and prepared herself for just such an eventuality.

As she hoisted herself out of the window, she couldn't help but feel a little bit proud of herself. She couldn't wait to tell Armin how much thought she'd put in her plan; then, hopefully, he'd be proud of her too. The idea of seeing them soon gave her strength and she clutched onto the eaves of the cabin and pulled herself up with little to no effort.

Mikasa had discovered that the cabins were close enough that she could traverse across their rooftops without fear of getting caught. She only had to make sure to keep out of sight of the watchtower. And to not slip and fall, of course.

With winter fast approaching, the rooftops were treacherously slippery. But, like every other skill she had, she had practised crossing a slippery slope until she had been confident enough she could do it silently, in the dark.

Thus she reached the boys' cabin with not a single hitch in her plan. Their cabin was closer to the watchtower, close enough to actually see the silhouette of the person on watch tonight. When Mikasa did risk a peek, she could tell the silhouette was slumped against the corner post of the viewing box, clearly asleep.

She almost smirked to herself. This was too, too easy.

She kneeled on the edge of the rooftop and rolled off, but hung off the edge by her fingertips for a split second before letting go and landing silently.

 _Full points, Mikasa Ackerman,_ Shadis' voice told her in her head. This time she actually let herself smirk.

She jogged silently to the side of the cabin and peered in one of the windows.

The first person she could make out in the dim light was Bertholdt, purely by his height and his weird sleeping position, which she had heard enough of. She wondered that he didn't break his neck sleeping like that.

Next to Bertholdt was a bulky figure she assumed was Reiner. She let out a short huff of frustration. None of the other sleeping figures appeared familiar to her. She couldn't believe she hadn't thought of this -reaching their cabin was one thing, but how could she hope to catch Eren and Armin's attention?

The seconds, then minutes ticked by while Mikasa paced restlessly outside the cabin. She tried peeking through all the windows, but could not recognise anyone else other than Connie, who slept with his leg hanging off his bed, his shorn head shining in the meagre light.

Finally, Mikasa made up her mind: she had to enter the cabin. There was no other option.

She left her boots outside the cabin, gently pushed the door open and slipped inside. She had checked to make sure the person on watch was still asleep, but this was still riskier than anything else she had attempted that night.

She tiptoed to the centre of the room and peered around her. Still, the sleeping boys seemed indistinguishable from each other, but finally she had a stroke of luck -a mop of blond hair glinted on top of a bundled figure sleeping across from the door. She bit back her sigh of relief and approached the sleeping boy.

She kneeled down, placed her lips close to his ear and whispered, "Armin."

Armin woke up with a yelp and threw his covers off. She tried to shush him but it was too late; his blue eyes focused on her and he let out an even louder yelp.

Quick as lightning, she slapped Armin gently up his head and rolled under his bed.

"Armin? What the fuck, man?" It was Jean's groggy voice.

"I -I thought…"

"Great. _Another_ guy with nightmares. What the fuck is wrong with you and Jaeger?"

"Shut the fuck up, horse-face," Eren snapped from Armin's other side even as Armin whimpered an apology. Mikasa's heart was thudding; at least she didn't have to look for Eren now.

"Don't you two start!" Connie whined, and she heard his bed creak. "It's the middle of the fricking night!"

"What's going on?"

"Go back to sleep, Marco, oh my god."

"Oi!" Reiner's fierce whisper was almost commanding in nature and all the bickering boys quietened down. "Shut up and go back to sleep, idiots. You want Shadis to come investigate?"

"Tell that to the crybabies," Jean mumbled, and she heard loud rustling, as if he was burying his face in his pillow.

"I'll make _you_ cry, you little-"

"Eren." Reiner was still using his command-voice. "Enough."

"Fine." The bed above her creaked loudly and she guessed Eren had sat up. "Come on, Armin, let's take this outside."

"Ah, erm, yeah, but…."

"Do whatever you want," Reiner sighed. "Just don't get us in trouble, too."

"Gotcha." She saw Eren's bare feet fall lightly on the floor next to the bed. "Come on, Armin."

"Uhh…"

Eren stood up. "What? You don't wanna come?"

"Just leave already," Jean whined lightly. Eren luckily chose to ignore him.

"Eren…"

" _What_?"

"I… I think I dropped my sock under the bed. Could you check?"

Thank heavens for Armin and his quick thinking.

With a soft sigh, Eren kneeled down and peered under the bed. Startled green eyes met an equally startled pair of grey ones.

"What the fuck." Eren wheezed. Mikasa raised her eyebrows in a silent apology.

Eren pinched the bridge of his nose and stood up again. "Shit. Okay."

"Did you find it?"

"Er, yeah."

"Okay," Armin whispered, then took a deep breath. "Okay. I… I'm going to fold up the blankets. You go get our coats." She saw Eren's feet take a step, pause, then he walked away. On her other side, Armin also stood up, pulling down his large blankets with him. Mikasa understood immediately what he was trying to do. When he spread the blankets to their full width, he nudged his heel against the edge of the bed, giving Mikasa her cue.

As silently as she could, she rolled out from under the bed, hidden by the billowing blanket that Armin held up. Without a word, Armin turned, moving the blanket with him. Rising to a crouch, Mikasa moved with the blanket until the cabin door was behind her: thankfully, she wasn't wearing her boots. Then, without a second look, she pulled open the door and slipped out in the small gap, even as Armin folded the blanket in half.

That had been very, _very_ close.

"Hey!" Jean's voice was suddenly loud again. "Wha- did you see that?"

Armin sounded deceptively calm. "What?"

"There was someone at the door!"

A pause. "There isn't anyone there, Jean."

"Are you fucking kidding me? The door's _open_."

"Yeah," Eren seemed to have returned to the bedside. "'Cause _I_ opened it, genius."

"I tell you, I saw someone!"

"Guys, what the hell." Reiner sounded seriously pissed off now.

"I saw someone at the door!" Mikasa heard the creaking of a bed, and she realised what was happening in a trice. Pulling on her boots forcefully, she leapt up, caught the edge of the overhanging roof and pulled herself up without a sound. And just in time, too. She heard the cabin door swoosh open as she knelt on the edge of the roof, listening.

Silence; then she heard the sound of the door softly closing again. She couldn't make out the different voices anymore, so she waited patiently. She didn't have to wait long.

After the voices in the cabin died away, Eren and Armin's heads appeared from under the roof in less than five minutes. They were looking around, confused, when she sprung off the roof and landed silently on her feet right next to them.

"Fuck!" Eren swore, then recovered. "What the hell, Mikasa?"

She dipped her head, embarrassed. "Sorry. That was a stupid thing to do."

"Damn right that was stupid!"

"What's important is no one saw her," Armin muttered placatingly.

"That was just luck," Eren fumed. "What were you thinking?"

"I just wanted to see you," Mikasa whispered into her scarf. "I couldn't sleep."

Eren huffed, but didn't say anything. Armin shot her a small smile, which Mikasa was very grateful for.

Eren was leading them to the woods on the edge of the barracks and they followed him unquestioningly. After a while, as they lit the lanterns they had thought to bring along, Mikasa did ask, "Are we going to the lake?"

Eren simply nodded, but Armin added, "You'll like it, Mikasa. It's very pretty."

"Okay."

They didn't speak for the rest of their hike. When they finally reached the cliff overlooking the moonlit view of the lake and the valley it was nestled in, Mikasa felt herself let out a breath she didn't know she was holding in. "It's beautiful," she whispered.

"Right?"

"Mm." She went and sat on the edge and the boys sat on either side of her. "How did you know to find this place?"

"Reiner and Bertholdt knew."

She drew her knees up. "How did _they_ know?"

Eren shrugged. "They're older." It seemed to explain everything to him, but Mikasa didn't get it. She chose not to question it, though, so she let the view in front of her sink into her mind.

"You wanna talk about it?" Eren said finally.

Mikasa shook her head. "Nothing new."

"Huh." Eren scratched his head.

"This isn't the first time since we came here, is it, Mikasa?" Armin asked her. She shook her head again, and out the corner of her eye, she saw Eren scowl.

"How many times?" Eren muttered.

She didn't answer him. Eren turned to glare at her. "Well?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Of course it does!"

"How, Eren?" She said, tiredly. "What difference does it make if I had the nightmare ten times or twenty?"

"You had the nightmare _twenty_ times?"

"I didn't say that."

"You should have come to us sooner, Mikasa," Armin said gently.

"Eren didn't want that."

"That's not-" Eren let out a frustrated growl and turned away, glowering at the lake, at the ground, looking anywhere but at her and Armin.

Silence descended on them. She remembered Eren's determined decision in the very first week of their joining the Training Corps.

" _We can't afford to look weak. Nightmares or not, we can't let_ _anyone_ _think that we're weak."_

Mikasa finally stirred as she voiced something that had been bothering her. "There was something that Jean said…"

Both boys stiffened on either side of her.

"What did he say?" Eren asked her casually. _Too_ casually.

Mikasa turned to Eren. "He said something about you having nightmares, too?"

Eren visibly relaxed and she heard Armin let out a small sigh. "Oh, _that_. Yeah I -I've had trouble sleeping, too."

"And you didn't come to me," Mikasa said flatly.

"Neither did you!"

"Guys," Armin sighed. "Can you both just let go and move past this? We'll tell each other next time, okay?"

Always the mediator. Mikasa and Eren nodded solemnly. They were quiet again, until Mikasa remembered something else.

"What did you think I meant when I mentioned Jean?"

Eren reacted negatively again. "What?"

She raised an eyebrow. "What did Jean say?" To her surprise, Armin actually giggled and Eren turned red.

She frowned. "What?"

"It's nothing," Eren muttered.

"Tell me," she said, her monotone close to pleading.

Eren wasn't looking at her again. Armin was still giggling. "It's just… Jean _likes_ you, Mikasa."

"Asshole," Eren muttered.

She felt foolishly obtuse. "Why? Should he hate me?"

"Well-"

"What I meant was, Jean admires you." Armin grinned. Then, just to drive his point across, "He has a _crush_ on you."

 _Oh._ "Oh." She honestly didn't know how to respond to that. "Did he say something about me?"

"He's an asshole," Eren repeated grumpily. Then, he looked at her suddenly, the intensity of his green eyes pinning her in place. "Why? Do you care if he did?"

" _You_ seem to."

"I don't give a _fuck_ about him," Eren snarled. "That horse-face doesn't deserve you."

A beat of silence. "Eren," Mikasa said slowly, "was that a compliment?"

Eren turned red again. "Shut up."

Mikasa smirked for the second time that night. Armin burst out laughing.

"Shut _up_!"

"Why does this bother you so much, Eren?"

"It doesn't! You know what, forget it; my mistake for looking out for you."

"Eren," she placed her hand on his arm and he froze. "You don't have to worry. Jean is an annoying brat," she said steadily. "And I don't return his feelings."

"Good." Eren's voice was suddenly vicious.

"He actually seems pretty decent when you get to know him," Armin said apologetically. Eren glared at him over Mikasa's shoulder.

"What?" Armin raised his hands defensively. "It's the truth!"

"Betrayal." Eren said solemnly. " _Utter_ and _complete_ betrayal. I don't know you anymore, Armin."

"Ugh, enough with the drama." Armin rolled his eyes, but he was smiling.

"It's true, though. For both of you. You're either on my side or horse-face's side. And if you're not on _my_ side, you're dead to me."

"Oh my god, Eren, I never even lie to you."

" _Dead_ , I tell you!"

"I'm going to push you off this cliff, I swear."

Eren stared at Armin in mock horror. "But you just said… You never lie to me."

"Exactly." Armin grinned. "Watch your step now, drama queen."

Mikasa couldn't hold back the chuckle that burst from her lips. Both the boys stopped their mock argument and looked at her, clearly pleased.

"Better?" Armin asked her, grasping her hand fondly.

"Much," she smiled. She squeezed Eren's arm gratefully and he flashed a grin at her.

"Come on. We should head back."

They decided that night that they would no longer stay away if the nightmares came to plague them again. On Armin's recommendation, they settled upon making sure to sleep next to an unlatched window. As for getting their attention, Mikasa came up with the idea.

"Let's throw socks."

"Like the 'sock' under my bed?" Armin grinned.

"Yes."

"In the face?" Eren clarified.

"Yes."

It was agreed upon immediately.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I LOVED writing flustered Eren. Again, I'm trying to keep this story free from explicit pairings, so if you think Eren is flustered for more than just hating Jean, you are welcome to think so!
> 
> I do feel bad for Jean since Mikasa calls him an "annoying brat", but keep in mind it's only been two months since they've joined the Training Corps. He will go ahead and redeem himself in the future, but for now, Jean is an annoying a-hole. :)
> 
> Also, Armin "never" lies to Eren. Except that one time... *laughs hysterically*
> 
> Let me know what you guys think of this chapter, especially of the stupid lame banter between these stupid kids that I'm so obsessed with!


	12. Distress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for the appreciation, guys! I'm glad someone is reading my story. :)
> 
> Spoiler-ish chapter, I guess? I hope you're aware of the SnK OVA's that provide extra material for us fans to obsess over. One of these OVA's is called 'Distress', which depicts an exercise in Training Camp. Eren and Armin are separated from Mikasa in this exercise, and the OVA deals almost exclusively with the boys' side of the story. OF COURSE I had to write Mikasa's POV of the same exercise, which is exactly what this chapter is!
> 
> If you haven't seen it yet, I would suggest you watch the OVA before reading this, since I haven't really dwelled on the setting and other plot points which were already established in the OVA.
> 
> If you HAVE seen it, then forge right ahead!
> 
> Hope you guys like it!

 

* * *

The first day of the exercise passed fairly uneventfully as their team approached the large forest. Any hope of reaching the midway point the same day was quickly lost, as they only reached the edge of the forest by late evening.

"The sun is setting," Reiner remarked presently.

"We should make camp," Bertholdt added.

They found a decently large clearing soon enough, but with no water source. Several hundred yards away, a small stream flowed, barely shallow enough to cover their ankles.

Thomas scratched his head. "This seems okay, right?"

As one, Mikasa, Annie, Reiner and Bertholdt shook their heads.

"The stream is too far away."

"And too shallow."

"But the woods are getting thicker ahead," Nac Tias, a brown-haired boy, pointed out. "There won't be a clearing big enough for all of us to make camp in."

He had a point. Mikasa frowned and looked back the way they had come. The stream only seemed to get bigger as the woods got thicker.

"It's still a bad idea to have the horses so far away from us." Reiner reasoned.

"I think we should stop," Daz said plaintively. "The sun's already set and it's getting really dark."

They looked at each other. Thomas cleared his throat. "Let's have a vote."

"That's stupid," Annie shot, leaning against a tree. "We should choose the most logical option. Not the most popular one."

"And who chooses which option is the most logical?" Nac snapped.

Tension descended on the eight of them. Mikasa wished Armin or Marco, the peacemakers, were with them. Or even Sasha or Connie, whose bright personalities often smoothed over differences and brought people together. All of them, unfortunately, were in the other team.

The feeling of being out of place that had nagged at her from the beginning of the exercise came to the fore again. She suppressed it forcefully.

"So shall we have a vote to see if we'll have a vote?" Reiner grinned.

Annie scoffed and Mikasa tutted. "We're wasting time. And you're all making valid points." She glanced at Annie, who didn't challenge her. "A vote is the fastest way to make a decision. So let's vote. Stay in the clearing, or go on ahead."

Thomas said immediately, "I'll abstain."

Mikasa heard Annie mutter under her breath as she walked past. "What a surprise."

What was her problem, anyway?

Predictably, Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie voted to go ahead. Daz, Nac, and Francis, a quiet boy from Calanes whom she had never spoken to before, voted to stay.

"Mikasa gets deciding vote," Thomas muttered, slightly apologetically.

She kept her face expressionless as she looked around again. Visibility was reducing by the minute, the stream seemed shallower than ever, the woods thicker and the clearing further and further away from view. She swallowed back a sigh. Nothing seemed to be going their way today.

She glanced again at their horses, waiting patiently with the odd rustle or so of their tails. Then she made her choice.

"I vote we move on."

Daz groaned loudly, but she remained calm as she explained her choice. "This stream is not enough for the horses. We have to keep moving until there's enough water for all of them."

There was no arguing there, so Thomas nodded. "Let's go. The horses are our greatest assets for this exercise and they _do_ need more water."

"I could've told you that before," Mikasa heard Annie mutter under her breath. It was clearly not meant to be heard by anyone, but Mikasa was standing close enough.

"Then why didn't you?" She asked Annie as they began to lead their horses.

Annie seemed surprised she was even talking to her. "What?"

"Why didn't you make the point about the horses before?"

"You heard that." It wasn't a question and Mikasa shrugged. "Well, I was hoping someone else would think of it."

Her complacence annoyed her. "I didn't think you were a person who _hoped_ , Annie."

Annie looked like she had another cutting remark to spout, when Reiner interrupted them.

"So what do you think, Mikasa?" Reiner asked her casually.

"Of?"

"The exercise so far."

"Too early to say," she said.

"How diplomatic of you," Annie drawled.

"Ah, don't mind our little Annie here," Reiner grinned. "It's a difficult time of the month for her."

"I'll make all month a difficult time for you," Annie said, her tone not changing in the slightest, "if you don't shut the fuck up."

Mikasa blinked; she had never heard Annie swear. Reiner winked at Mikasa in a 'what did I tell you?' look and walked ahead. Bertholdt took his place instead.

"You guys," he said in his low voice, "I don't like this. The woods are too quiet."

"I thought you wanted us to move on?" Annie sounded only slightly annoyed.

"Yes, but…" He turned to her. "Mikasa, what did you see back there, in the canyon?"

She frowned. "Nothing. It was a bird. Why, did you see something?"

"N-no. It's just a feeling."

"Wow. Thanks for that premonition," Annie deadpanned and walked faster, pulling her horse along with a jerk.

"Is she always like that?" Mikasa wondered out loud when she was out of earshot.

"No, I-" Bertholdt paused abruptly. "I wouldn't know."

Mikasa nodded. "Of course."

"I know I sound like a worrywart. But I really think there's something wrong," Bertholdt said anxiously. Mikasa glanced at him. He did look more nervous than usual.

"What seems wrong?" She prodded him.

He shrugged. "The woods are too quiet," he repeated. "Maybe there's something or someone else out there."

They both looked into the ever-thickening woods. Bertholdt's words were ominous enough, but Mikasa wasn't sure if she could place any worth on them. If it had been Sasha, for example, telling her the same things, she would have taken her seriously. Sasha's instincts were always dead-on.

Bertholdt, however, she knew very little about. All she knew was that he was a very capable soldier, a crack shot, and perpetually sweaty.

"Um, guys, I think we should stop," Thomas called out from the front of their line. Mikasa craned her neck to look ahead. Thomas had stopped at a fairly large clearing, right on the bank of the stream, which was much larger now. It would be a bit of a squeeze, and they would probably have to store their gear elsewhere, she realised, but it would have to do. They were well into dusk now, and were operating more on moonlight than anything else.

She exchanged glances with Reiner, who nodded. "Alright," she confirmed, brought out her writing tablet and made some notes. She left out Annie's sour mood, but included Bertholdt's concerns. If he turned out to be right, then his instincts would be vindicated. If he was wrong, then the fact that he was a worrier would be on record for future reference.

* * *

A small rustle made her straighten up, suddenly alert. She turned to the clearing where the sleeping bags were placed and counted four, five, _six_ occupied bags. She frowned slightly. There ought to be seven.

"What are you doing?" And although the voice was a slight whisper, she recognised it. There was only one other girl on their team, in any case.

She didn't turn around. "Keeping watch," she murmured.

Annie crouched next to her -she was dead quiet, Mikasa noted.

"It appears we think alike," Annie drawled.

"So you did take Bertholdt seriously?" Mikasa asked her.

Annie shrugged, making her pale hair glisten prettily in the moonlight. "He sounded convinced."

"Yes."

Annie shifted a little, trying to find a comfortable spot in the undergrowth. "How long have you been here?"

"Close to twenty minutes."

"We can take turns if you like."

Mikasa nodded. "I'll come for you in four hours, then."

"I spoke to Reiner. He offered to watch as well."

Mikasa raised an eyebrow. Annie shrugged again. "He trusts Bertholdt." That was explanation enough.

"So how do you want to split the watch?" Mikasa asked.

"Reiner offered to do the last watch. We have six hours before that. I can do four."

Mikasa paused before answering. She wondered what Annie was trying to say. Was she trying to show off by saying she could stay up and do the dreary task for more than half the required time? Or was she trying to goad Mikasa into offering to do more work?

Then, she bit her tongue and shook her head at herself. She was being stupid, ascribing too many motives to what was probably just a bland statement of fact. But that had always been her problem with Annie. She was rarely animated in any discussion, which left Mikasa wondering what the girl was actually thinking. Was she really as simple as her statements seemed to proclaim? Or did her disinterested nature hide a more devious manner of thinking?

The one time she had voiced this to Armin, he had simply smirked and said that was how most people saw Mikasa. That had annoyed her for some reason -she _hated_ to be placed on par with her.

She glanced at Annie now, at her icy blue eyes that were still fixed on her, waiting for a response.

"We'll split equally. Three for you, three for me," Mikasa said.

Annie rolled her eyes, which made Mikasa ask, rather confrontationally, "What?"

She sighed. "I can't sleep. I can actually do all six hours before Reiner, but since you're already here, I'm willing to go down to four."

It made sense, but wasn't necessarily a sensible choice. "You should rest as much as you can. I'm doing my three hours. You do what you like." Mikasa said shortly.

Annie didn't seem offended by her straight answer. "Fair enough," she murmured, stood up, and left. Mikasa didn't hear her at all, and when she glanced back at the sleeping bags again, Annie was already tucked into hers.

She returned in less than two hours. Mikasa wasn't surprised.

"Did you manage to sleep?" She asked her in greeting.

"No. An absolute waste of time," Annie muttered.

"As long as you're alert tomorrow," Mikasa shrugged.

"I will be."

"Good."

Annie moved to the opposite end of the clearing where she settled herself so deeply in the bushes that Mikasa barely saw her, save for the occasional glint of moonlight in her hair. Mikasa was wondering if she should even bother saying anything before ending her watch, when, suddenly, she noticed something.

A flicker, to her left. She stretched out her hand to get Annie's attention. When she raised her head to see what the matter was, Mikasa pointed at the light. Annie looked, frowned, and disappeared into the brush again.

She reappeared at Mikasa's side a few seconds later. "What is it?"

"I'm not sure. The wind is blowing the other way now and I think I see smoke."

Annie peered at the faint glimmer. "You're right." She turned to her. "Shall I go ahead and see what it is?"

"You don't have to ask me."

Annie snorted. "Sure."

What the hell was that supposed to mean?

Annie didn't elaborate, and disappeared into the darkness again. Mikasa grit her teeth and waited. As annoyed as she was with Annie, she could not deny her aptitude. She had demonstrated her skill in stealth and could handle herself in tough corners. She was more than suitable for the task at hand, and for now, all Mikasa could do was wait for her to report back.

Annie returned barely five minutes later. "Remnants of a campfire," she said in a low voice, crouching next to her. "That was the light from an ember reflecting off the leaves."

"No sign of people?"

Annie shook her head. "Traces. But they seem to have broken camp in the last thirty minutes."

Mikasa sighed, frustrated. It was a wonder neither she nor Annie had noticed it.

"Any indication of where they went?"

Annie looked away, at the sleeping cadets. "I couldn't say for certain, but I think they went west."

"Away from us, then."

"Mm."

Mikasa frowned, thinking. Who broke camp in the middle of the night? "We should stay alert, in any case."

"I'll tell Reiner," Annie agreed.

The implication was clear -it was time Mikasa went to sleep. Her three hours were coming to a close.

Mikasa stood up abruptly. "Alright, then. Good night. Wake me if something happens."

Annie simply nodded and Mikasa went to bed, thinking for perhaps the tenth time that the exercise could not get over soon enough.

* * *

"We're lucky," Mikasa repeated, looking at everyone in turn, when nobody made a move. "And we should warn the others." She glanced at Thomas, who got the hint.

"Mikasa and Reiner are right, you guys," Thomas said with forced calmness that fooled no-one. " At least we have our horses. Let's get going. We have to warn Marco's team."

She realised that Marco and Thomas had probably been chosen as team leaders on purpose. Neither of them seemed particularly suited to leading, but this would force them to build on their leadership skills, for at the end of the day, a good leader was welcome from any quarter in the midst of battle.

She doubted Thomas would ever be confident enough to lead, though. Annie or even Nac would be a better choice.

All this she kept to herself, of course. Daz had looked about ready to puke and these thoughts would hardly help if they were spoken out loud. She diligently kept notes instead, as her role demanded of her.

"We should go that way," Reiner, whose horse accompanied hers, said to her. He was pointing west.

She frowned. The road did indeed lead west eventually, but it went north for now. "Why?"

Reiner huffed. He looked angry and… ashamed? "Last night, during my watch, I heard a tree fall."

"And?"

He looked even more distressed. "It could've been a gunshot, if it was far enough."

Her stomach twisted and she turned cold. As hard as she had been trying to keep her fears at bay, she hadn't been able to stop thinking the worst. Eren and Armin were both in the other team, and she feared that their team had managed to confront the thieves. She could not even begin to imagine how Eren would react in such a scenario. And as much as she trusted the other team's skills, the strongest of their training batch were with her in Thomas' team. And if they were in trouble…

Unbidden, an image of Eren violently stabbing her kidnapper came to mind.

Reiner was still staring at her. "Mikasa?"

She shook her head slightly. "Sorry. What were you saying?"

"We should go west."

"The road does go west."

"Much later. If we turn off here, we could reach them sooner."

"What's wrong, guys?" Thomas had slowed down. She looked at Reiner, to see how certain he was in his assumption.

Reiner hesitated, then announced, "We should go off the path here, and go west." Apparently, he was _very_ certain, which only made her feel worse. "I think I heard a gunshot that way last night."

"And you didn't say anything?" Nac demanded, who seemed a confrontational sort of person.

It was Annie who answered. "If you had heard something like a tree falling in the middle of the night, what would _you_ have done?"

Nac, looking suitably chastened, didn't say anything.

Thomas had a nervous grimace on his face, which Mikasa was by now quite familiar with. Thomas did not like conflict, and was even more disinclined to act as mediator.

"Let's look at the map," she suggested and Thomas looked glad. "Right!"

They all leaned in and peered at the map. After a few minutes, Thomas turned to Mikasa. "What do you think?"

"Let's vote on this as well," Reiner said with easy confidence.

"No." Mikasa's voice resounded loudly.

Reiner frowned and crossed his arms. He looked forbidding. "Why not?"

Mikasa pointed at the map. "Even if you did hear a gunshot-"

"I did," Reiner interrupted.

Mikasa narrowed her eyes at him. "You weren't so certain before."

"Now that I've thought about it, I'm _very_ certain." Reiner held Mikasa's gaze for a long, challenging moment.

Thomas tried to break the tension. "You were saying, Mikasa?"

She blinked and turned back to the map. "Fine. The gunshot happened in this general direction." She indicated a broad section of the forest in the map. "We were here. Now, assuming the gunshot happened near the others' camp-"

"If it hadn't, they'd have gone to investigate anyway." Reiner cut in again.

Mikasa took a deep breath to calm herself. Surprisingly, it was Annie who spoke for her. "Reiner. Stop interrupting her."

He opened his mouth as if to argue, then closed it again. "Right… sorry, Mikasa."

She simply nodded. He sounded like he meant it. "Alright, so even if they'd gone to investigate, they wouldn't have lingered. Or maybe they'd have split up and sent some people ahead, depending on what situation they were in." She looked at them all, one by one. "What I'm saying is, if the thieves did get to the others, then they would have moved forward as well, to warn us." She tapped a finger on the map. "They may or may not have been attacked in the west. Unless they're _all_ unable to move forward, which I seriously doubt, they would not stay and wait for us. They'd move in the direction of the rendezvous point, possibly faster than before in an effort to warn us."

Bertholdt came to her support this time. "I agree with her. Let's stick to the road and go faster."

They all turned to Reiner. He paused, then scratched the back of his head. "Makes sense," he nodded, then grinned sheepishly at Mikasa. "No hard feelings?"

She rolled up the map. "Of course not. You gave us what you thought was the best option."

He nodded. "You're right, though. They'll be fine."

Mikasa wished she believed it as much as she pretended to.

It was getting close to midday when it happened. A sudden bang that made them all flinch, and the bright green trail of a flare marked the sky right in front of them.

They all looked at each other, but Mikasa knew exactly what it meant.

"That's Armin," she said, unable to rein in her excitement, and urged her horse forward. All of them were perfectly aware of Armin's strategic skills, and they followed her at a brisker pace.

Her hopes were not disappointed. When they reached the spot marked by the flare, they found an empty, overturned cart. Empty but for their gear.

With exclamations of delight, her comrades dismounted and brought the gear out. Mikasa, however, studied the road. Annie came to stand next to her.

"I see more cart tracks," Mikasa said. "And not enough hoof marks."

"They followed them using the gear."

Mikasa nodded. "They must have taken something else. No other reason to waste gas and chase them down." She could see Eren following the thieves, bent on revenge, but she couldn't see the rest of the team follow him without a good enough reason.

"A hostage, maybe?" Annie muttered.

"Very likely," Mikasa nodded again.

Annie stared at the cart tracks for a long moment. "Let's gear up."

They explained their theory to the others, and Reiner, possibly to make up for his behaviour earlier, supported them.

"They're our best and fastest," he said, indicating Mikasa and Annie. "We'll follow on the horses."

No one argued with that logic. In less than five minutes, she and Annie were airborne, following the easy trail of fresh hook marks on the trees from their friends' gears.

They made quick progress, and Mikasa was glad that it was Annie accompanying her. Reiner would have taken everything as a challenge, and Bertholdt would have been the opposite -too hesitant to act fast. She didn't think anyone else on their team would have been able to keep up with her.

A sudden loud crash brought her up short and she landed nimbly on a tree branch, Annie landing next to her a split second later. They could see a plume of dust not far ahead.

"Quiet," Mikasa and Annie said at the same time. Mikasa glanced at Annie who looked as surprised as her.

They did think alike, after all.

Annie's mouth curved upwards in a small smirk. Mikasa matched it with a sardonic grin of her own.

Silently, they leaped off the tree branch together. They compromised on speed and focused instead on making quiet, precise swings without using their gas.

They stopped again when they heard shouting. Annie holstered her triggers, beckoned to Mikasa and ran deftly across tree branches. She was clearly not new to forest terrain.

Mikasa put away her triggers as well and followed Annie to the best of her abilities, which she knew was more than enough for their current mission.

When the others finally came into view, Annie stopped abruptly, and Mikasa halted on a branch just above her.

 _They were fine_. Her first thought was relief, despite the fact that the two bandits were still armed, and one of them held a blade to Krista's neck. Eren had a nasty bruise on his cheek while Jean had a cut on his. Everyone else seemed unhurt.

And they were _alive_.

Though she and Annie were trying to be quiet, Armin, ever the observant one, spotted them. His face brightened and a half-smile appeared on his face. She placed her finger on her lips and he blinked to indicate he understood.

She turned to Annie, who had been watching their interaction. Mikasa pointed at her own chest, and ran a finger gently across her neck.

Her message was clear. She'd take down the bandit holding Krista at knife-point. Annie nodded and flicked two of her fingers upwards to confirm that she'd take the gun-toting man.

It was scary how easily they understood each other.

In another quick motion, Annie indicated that she would go first, as the gun was a bigger threat to the others than a machete.

Mikasa nodded again. Annie held up three fingers.

 _Three_.

The man holding Krista muttered something.

 _Two_.

Krista looked up at the bandit holding her.

 _One_.

They watched the bandit with the gun step closer to their friends yelling-

 _Whoosh._ Annie jumped and as her blades cleared the branch, Mikasa leaped at Krista and the bandit. In two loud swipes, the bandits were disarmed.

"Mikasa!" Eren gasped. But she had more pressing matters to attend to.

Annie and Mikasa's blades swung at the bandits' necks simultaneously.

" _Stop!_ " Krista yelled. "Don't kill them!"

Mikasa paused literally in the nick of time. Oh, so this one was human enough, was he?

Very well.

She let her blade drop.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This was also one of my most favourite chapters to write! I LOVE Mikasa/Annie interactions, and I was totally feeding my own cravings for those moments when I wrote this! I hope their dynamic isn't too OOC.
> 
> Plot explanations: The timeline is a bit iffy and unexplained in the OVA. So, to make things clear in this chapter, the night-time conversation between Mikasa and Annie happens the same night Marco's team was ambushed. In the OVA, when Thomas' team discovers their gears missing (shown before the bandits attack Team Marco), the other team is already planning its ambush to get the gears and Krista back.
> 
> In the OVA, at the moment of discovery, Annie also points out the remnants of a campfire and says it is "just like the other place". This is the abandoned camp I mention in this chapter that Mikasa and Annie discover in the middle of the night. Basically, it looks like those bandits had a VERY busy night.
> 
> I wanted to write more Mikasa/Reiner situations, too, and Reiner's competitiveness was completely unplanned. I like how it turned out, though; at the end of this exercise, Mikasa doesn't quite look at Reiner the way Eren and the boys do -but she respects him nonetheless. Which makes his future betrayal just as shocking to her.
> 
> Mikasa seems to take charge a lot in this chapter as well because she's right -Thomas is not leader-material.
> 
> Umm, I think that's it? Hope no one was OOC and hope you guys liked it! Please comment and let me know what you think!


	13. Of Angst, Ale and Allies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, sorry for the delay in updating! I decided last minute to add something to this chapter, and so I had to reread and edit the chapter like a thousand times. Hopefully it doesn't read too choppy.
> 
> Big, big thanks to mystifi_ed for your wonderful comments! I'm very glad you liked the previous chapter because that was one of my faves, too!
> 
> The setting for this chapter is the night of their Choosing Ceremony, immediately after everyone officially joins the Survey Corps. It's a little long, but hopefully it'll be worth the long read.
> 
> Enjoy!

 

* * *

The moon was a sliver of white in the sky. There would be no moon in the sky the next day.

For today, it was bad enough. Mikasa pulled her cloak closer around herself and suppressed a shiver. Finally, after days of humidity fed by the Titans' steaming corpses, there was a cool breeze tonight. The change was welcome enough, but Mikasa hated the cold.

The murmur of voices still sounded behind her in the mess hall. She tried not to think of the louder babble that had filled the hall merely five days ago. More than half the people dining that evening were dead now.

For perhaps the hundredth time, she wondered what Eren was doing at that moment. She hoped he wasn't chained like before. She hoped they were feeding him well. She hoped that freakish midget of a soldier hadn't hurt him any more.

The trial came to her mind again, and automatically, her fingers clenched into fists. Even now, when she knew it was the best thing to do at the time, even now, she regretted not beating the living daylights out of that soldier, the so-called humanity's strongest, that short bloody _Captain-_

"Mikasa?"

She turned around, and saw Connie approach her, his short buzzcut gleaming in the light from the mess hall. She simply nodded and turned away again. She was in no mood for conversation.

"Hey, what're you doing here?" He looked around. "Where's Armin?"

Mikasa considered ignoring him. Then she realised Connie was the type of person who would keep pestering her until she responded. So she said, "He had a headache and went to bed early."

"Oh. Phew, I'm tired," he sighed and practically fell onto a crate next to her. "I feel like I haven't slept in days. Cleaning up debris is _exhausting_."

He talked about it so casually, in such a _normal_ voice that Mikasa turned around to give him a talking-to. Her words died in her throat.

Connie was staring up at the starry sky, his eyes wide and dry, his mouth set in a small scowl. From this angle she could see that he had bags under his eyes. His hands were trembling.

She blinked rapidly, wondering what to say. She had never seen Connie look so forlorn.

The doors of the mess hall swung open and Sasha strode out, carrying a bunch of empty mugs. She sat down on the floor next to Connie and handed them both a mug without saying a word. This was hardly normal for Sasha, but she had been really, _really_ quiet lately. Mikasa took her mug, but before she could ask for an explanation, the doors burst open again and Ymir and Krista walked out, each holding a pitcher.

"Right. We have to do this. None of you are abstaining," Ymir muttered and began to pour. When she handed Mikasa her mug back, she saw it was filled with something frothy.

"Ale?"

"Specially reserved for the Choosing Ceremony, no less."

Mikasa was still staring at the full pitcher in Krista's hands. Ymir noticed and shrugged. "They have plenty to go around. Overstocked, apparently."

No one needed to be told why. Mikasa stared at her mug for a long moment, before taking a tentative sip, to be polite. She found to her surprise that she liked it, despite the bitter taste.

They all drank in silence, until Connie suddenly perked up and let out a shout that made everyone wince. "Jean! Hey, Jean, over here!" He slid off his crate and began to wave madly, but Jean made no sign of having heard him and walked stiffly toward the sleeping quarters.

"Jean…?"

Mikasa placed a hand on his shoulder. "Let him go, Connie."

Connie hesitated for a moment, then sat back down. Silence descended upon them once again, until Ymir tossed back her drink and slammed her mug down next to Sasha. "Okay. This has gotta stop. We need to talk this out."

Krista let out a small sigh. "Ymir-"

"Shut up, babe, I know what I'm doing." She stood up and glared down at all of them. "What we saw, what we _did_ needs discussing. We need to talk it out, let it all out. We've all made a fucking insane choice just now and we've got to get through this together."

Mikasa looked up at Ymir speculatively. She had never seen her this… sociable. Ymir, of course, noticed that, too. "Yeah, I know what you're thinking - 'why does this bitch care, when she never has before'? I'll tell you why, it's because we're all sailing in the same fucking boat right now, and I could do with some support." She glared at them as though daring them to laugh or disagree. None of them did. "Tell me, really, haven't you guys had enough of letting everything fester inside you and just moping your days away? 'Cos I am fucking _tired_ of it."

Krista sniffed and turned to them. "Ymir is right, you guys. We're all going to be in the Survey Corps together and we need to get through this together, too."

Connie and Sasha exchanged glances and nodded sombrely. Then, as one, all of them turned to Mikasa. She suddenly felt like an interloper. "I should go to bed-"

"Sit your fine ass down, Mikasa," Ymir snapped. "And drink with us."

"Yeah, Mikasa."

"Yes, please stay!"

She wanted to leave so badly. She couldn't bear her friends' naiveté when she had been aware of the world's cruelty for years now. She couldn't make the effort to be a shoulder for them to cry on. It would be wrong. Their grief did not need -no, did not _deserve_ her apathy.

"Please!"

On the other hand, the fuss she would have to create in order to leave would also be bad. And just as insensitive to their current grieving state. Unwilling, she nodded.

Ymir sighed. "Refills?"

They all handed her their mugs.

As she passed them their mugs back, Ymir said, "We should be drinking to something."

Connie let out a hollow chuckle. "Like what?"

"The Survey Corps?" Sasha said timidly. Her voice was so low Mikasa could barely hear it.

"Hah! To the Survey Corps it is, then!" They raised their glasses and took a sip. Mikasa's ale suddenly tasted more bitter than before.

Krista, who was staring at a fixed point on the floor, piped up, "I think we should drink to… what happened."

Sasha looked appalled. Connie's face was a frozen mask. Ymir rubbed her chin and muttered, "That's an idea. Okay, then." She slapped her thigh. "I want each of us to tell us the worst thing they saw. And we'll drink to it."

Mikasa flashed her steely gaze at them. "The 'worst'?"

Ymir shrugged.

"You want us to _rank_ the things we saw?" Mikasa asked in a tight voice. Ymir's sneer melted.

Krista came to the rescue. "N -no! Just maybe… the first thing you think of. When you remember the battle of Trost, what is the first thing that comes to mind?"

She glanced nervously at each of them when none of them contradicted her. "Okay, I'll… I'll go first."

She took a deep breath. "Whenever I think of that day, I remember this building we ran past. This was when Eren was trying to move the rock…" She drew up her knees and hugged them. "I don't know what it was about the building, but I knew as soon as I saw that it was an orphanage." Mikasa's grip tightened on her mug. "I've spent my life in enough orphanages to know. It was empty, and I couldn't see any b-blood or anything, but the building was damaged…" She swallowed hard and finally looked up at them all. "Like I said, I've lived in orphanages. I know for a fact that children tend to be neglected. Children like us -them, I mean."

They were so quiet they could hear the chink of cutlery from inside the mess hall. "I know Trost had an evacuation plan in place, but I don't know for sure that they made it out in time." Tears slipped down her cheeks. "Everytime I think of what happened, I imagine what it would have been like if I was three years younger, if I was in that orphanage."

In the silence that followed, Ymir slipped her arm around Krista's shoulder and pulled her into a half-embrace. She raised her mug and said quietly, "To the children. The living and the dead."

They all raised their mugs. "The children," Mikasa murmured.

They all took long draughts, Ymir the longest of them all. "Alright," she stated, wiping her mouth with the arm around Krista's neck. "My turn."

She took a deep breath. "My moment's a lot more selfish, I'm afraid. Shouldn't surprise you, huh, being the bitch that I am." Krista looked up into her freckled face. "Ymir," she said gently.

Ymir withdrew her arm and chuckled shakily. "A Titan nearly bit me in half. Damned stupid, _reckless_ mistake." Krista clapped her hands to her mouth. Connie's jaw dropped and Sasha slopped some ale over herself by mistake. Only Mikasa remained impassive, and only Mikasa could see how dead Ymir's eyes were at that moment. It was as though she was looking into a mirror: dead eyes were painfully familiar to Mikasa.

"A Garrison soldier distracted it. I don't even know who he was, I didn't even see his face, just the roses on his jacket." Ymir took a swig of her drink. "It got him. He didn't even have to help, it was so _pointless._ " When no one said anything for a long time, she muttered, "That's it. I remember his stupid jacket every time-"

This time, Krista pulled her into a hug. Mikasa raised her drink. "To the Garrison."

"The Garrison," they mumbled and drank. Ymir kept drinking until she emptied the mug.

As she poured herself another drink, Connie spoke up. "My turn, I guess." He ran a hand over his nearly-bald head. "I just remember this thing I saw… it's pretty gross." When no one stopped him, he continued, "This was when we were leading that Rogue Titan -er, Eren, I guess." He scratched his head again. "When Mikasa, Armin and I were trying to reach the Supply Depot. I just happened to see it." He paused. "One of the Titans that Mikasa took down, I saw its… foot. The sole of its foot, actually. I saw a jacket…" Sasha gagged and put her drink down forcefully. Mikasa, on the other hand, suddenly saw the appeal in downing her drink.

Connie was clenching the edge of the crate he sat on so hard, his knuckles were white. "It wasn't roses, it was crossed swords."

Ymir raised her drink so high and so fast some of it spilled over. Her voice was louder. "To the 104th."

Sasha and Krista were crying. "The 104th."

Then Sasha began speaking before anyone else could. "Mine isn't from the battle, it's… after." She sniffed. "The day after. I found Franz and Hanna."

"Oh my god." Krista breathed. Ymir, who was in the midst of refilling everyone's mugs (they were now on the second pitcher), paused.

"Franz was…" Sasha made a swiping motion across her abdomen and Mikasa felt sick. No further explanation was needed. "And Hanna. I think -I think she killed herself."

The silence that followed was the most potent yet. Then Ymir muttered, " _What_."

"She had a stab wound, and there was a blade and she was right next to him and I didn't…" Sasha broke down completely and buried her face in her hands.

Mikasa remembered Franz and Hanna from their training days, how they had always been together almost from the very beginning, she remembered Franz hugging Hanna before they were sent out to die, she remembered his calm voice telling her, " _I'll protect you…_ "

"To our comrades," her friends murmured, and Mikasa joined in belatedly.

Franz and Hanna, the annoying married couple, together even in death, _just like her parents-_

"Mikasa?"

She was startled into awareness. Krista looked apologetic. "It's your turn."

Mikasa looked into her mug, where only a few dregs of her drink were left. "The thing I remember first and foremost," she said slowly, choosing her words carefully, "is something you were all there for." She paused, wondering if she'd dare make the admission, if her friends would judge her for it. As if they sensed her hesitation, they all somehow seemed encouraging, even Ymir.

She took a deep breath and plunged in. "When I think of the battle of Trost, I always think of Armin first. On the rooftop, when he announced the death of his squad."

Mikasa felt compelled to justify herself, because hers was hardly as terrible as the others' and Eren did end up being alive… but then Ymir surprised her by nodding. "That was horrible." Krista nodded, too. "I think that was the first time it really hit us. Just how bad the situation was."

An overwhelming urge to cry overcame Mikasa. They were right, it _was_ horrible, and she never wanted to see Armin like that or hear him speak like that again, never wanted to feel that all-consuming numbness…

Krista raised her mug. "To the 34th squad."

Mikasa was touched she remembered the squad number. "The 34th," they all mumbled, except for Ymir, who fairly shouted the words. They all finished their drinks, which wasn't much for Mikasa since her mug was nearly empty.

Ymir suppressed a burp and snatched up the second pitcher, which was already half-empty. " _Now_ , my sad little warts, I have a proposal to make as to our next step. We spoke of our worst memories. Now I want you all to share one hopeful or courageous action from the battle. Anything. Something that, well, gave you _hope._ "

They all exchanged stunned glances and the mood imperceptibly shifted. Mikasa could see where this was going, and she approved, though she didn't say it out loud. "Krista, my love, you go first," Ymir drawled as she emptied the contents of the pitcher into their five mugs.

Krista started. "Oh! For me, um, the most hopeful moment was when Eren plugged that hole in the wall." Sasha and Connie nodded vigorously, and Ymir cackled. "Ah, Krista, Krista," she wagged her finger at her. "You stole Mikasa's moment!"

Mikasa directed a glare at the freckled girl, who laughed. "Ooh. If looks could kill!"

She was strongly tempted to tell her off, but saw that Ymir was swaying slightly next to Krista. _She's drunk_ , Mikasa realised.

"To Eren!" Ymir crowed and they all repeated after her, though much more sedately.

"Mikasa," Krista said anxiously, "Eren plugging the hole brought courage to all of us. I hope you don't mind I-"

"Of course not," Mikasa interrupted her. "I understand." She truly did. Eren, her family, had now become humanity's last, brightest hope. She didn't know yet if that made her happy or sad.

"Well, then, how about I tell you which self-serving moment made _me_ want to sing with fucking joy?" Ymir managed to enunciate.

Connie snickered. "Go for it, Ymir."

"I'll tell you. Fucking judge me if you want. But I swear, the moment Krista and I made it over the wall was the best fucking thing that happened to me that day. Fuck, _the relief_."

Connie nodded vigorously. "Nah, we get you. Best moment of the day _had_ to be when we got to safety." He turned to each of them. "Right? _Right_?"

Sasha managed to smile. "Yes."

Krista had a watery smile on her face too. "To safety." Ymir slipped an arm around her again. "And to luck!"

Mikasa, who couldn't relate, but understood, raised her glass. "To safety and to luck."

"Connie my man, you're up!"

Connie didn't even pause to think. "Oh, for me it _has_ to be the moment I first saw Captain Levi in action!" He whistled. "Did you see him _move_? Fuck, that dude is insane, man."

Sasha actually giggled. "I know! He's so amazing, isn't he, Mikasa?"

Mikasa grit her teeth. "His skills are like nothing I've ever seen before," she admitted. She was fair, if nothing else.

"To Captain Levi!" Ymir yelled, and Connie whooped loudly. Mikasa simply raised her glass without saying anything, but luckily no one noticed.

"Sash! You're next!" Connie was bouncing up and down in his seat. It looked like Ymir wasn't the only drunk one amongst them.

Sasha seemed to have decided on her moment, too. "Well, honestly… for me, the most courageous and hopeful thing I saw was… Mikasa."

Mikasa nearly slopped some of her ale over the edge of her mug. "What?" Heat crept up her cheeks.

"When you took down that Titan in the Supply Depot for me, that was… _amazing_. I could've died there."

Connie managed to look serious. "Yeah, that was pretty close. And even when you, Armin and I were making our way to the Supply Depot… you did damn good, Mikasa."

Ymir grinned. "Doesn't surprise me. Our girl's got skills."

Mikasa could only bury her face in her scarf to hide her blush. She was perfectly aware of her own strengths, but this… _awe_ bothered her. It wasn't right, not on her friends' (even Ymir's) faces .

"To Mikasa!" Her friends cheered, and she didn't know where to look.

"Aw, look, she's actually modest!"

"Ymir, lay off her." Krista scolded her.

"Aww, don't be jealous, babe. Sure, Mikasa's pretty but I've only got eyes for _you_... "

" _Ymir!"_

Ymir simply responded by smacking a loud, wet kiss on Krista's golden head.

"Alright, Ymir's getting indecent. I'm out." Connie tried to get up to leave their circle, but Ymir caught his arm with her claw-like fingers.

" _Indecent_? What we've got is pure, and don't you diss on it, you bald fuck. Besides, it's Mikasa's turn."

Connie didn't seem fazed by Ymir's language. "Oh right!" He said cheerfully leaned back on his crate. "Go, Mikasa!"

Mikasa frowned. She honestly didn't know what to say -so many of the moments she remembered from that day were tinged with the horror. She wondered how her friends seemed to cast their grief off so easily. Did they not feel as deeply as she felt? Or perhaps she simply didn't know how to let go, how to move past things.

If Armin were here, he'd know what to say. Both to her, and to her friends.

And suddenly, _she_ knew what to say.

"Since we're already drinking to particular people," Mikasa began carefully, "I would like to drink to Armin. He was brave and smart and saved my life multiple times that day."

Again, none of them mocked her or laughed at her for her choice. They simply raised their glasses, each of them smiling in their own characteristic manner, and said, "To Armin."

Ymir drained her glass and slammed it down. "Well. You guys feel better now?"

Everyone nodded and she clapped her hands together. "Mission fucking accomplished. My work here is done. Come on, Krista." She stood up, and then tottered dangerously.

Krista was next to her in a flash. "You most certainly are done! Come on, off to bed."

Clearly their little get-together was over. They all got to their feet as well -and Connie sat down immediately.

"Wow." He muttered. "How are you guys dealing with the spinning?"

Sasha rolled her eyes and pulled him to his feet again. Immediately, his eyes rolled upwards and he began to to fall. Luckily, Mikasa caught him under one shoulder while Sasha held the other. Together, they set off toward the sleeping quarters.

Krista glanced at them over her shoulder and giggled. "Can you believe these lightweights?" Ymir mumbled something incoherent which they all ignored.

"Are you sure you don't want help with Ymir?" Sasha called out.

"No, I'm used to this," Krista said calmly. She did not seem even slightly affected by all the alcohol she had imbibed. And with only a semi-functional Ymir to deal with, she quickly outstripped them.

Mikasa turned to Sasha. "Are you used to alcohol as well?"

Sasha laughed. "Honestly, yes. We used to drink back at home. We brewed our own fruit wines and liquors, you know. Did wonders in winter, when the alcohol warmed you against the cold." She grunted and adjusted Connie's weight. "We never drank enough to get drunk, of course. Father would've whipped our skins off our back. No, I guess I just drank enough to build up some resistance over the years."

"I see."

"What about you, Mikasa? You seem fine, too."

She did feel fine. The alcohol had somehow made her feel light, made it easier for her to breathe, _somehow_. But other than that, she was as lucid and in control as ever.

"I don't know. That was my first time."

"Really?" Sasha looked impressed. "You're a natural."

Mikasa didn't know what to say to that, so they walked for sometime in silence. Until-

"Mikasa?"

She stopped abruptly and turned around at the very familiar voice. A tall man rapidly approached them from the shadows.

"Mr. Hannes," she said, relaxing her taut muscles.

"It _is_ you." Mr. Hannes was smiling, but he frowned when he saw Connie limp between the two of them. "Is he alright?"

"Oh, he just had a drop too much to drink," Sasha tittered nervously. Mikasa was amused at Sasha's nervousness -Mr. Hannes was clearly a higher ranked military official, but to her he was always the young, drunk, foolhardy soldier from Shiganshina.

Mr. Hannes' brow cleared. "Oh, heh. First time, eh. Poor kid."

"Yes," Mikasa said, suddenly at a loss for words, highly aware of Sasha's presence.

Sasha seemed to get the mood, though. She said quickly, "Well, I think I can manage from here, Mikasa. I'll get him to bed safe and sound."

Mikasa was relieved but didn't show it. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, yeah. I've carried sacks of potatoes heavier than him, no problem."

"Okay, then. Good night."

"See you in the morning!"

Mikasa nodded at Sasha's awkward wave and watched her drag Connie away gracelessly.

Mr. Hannes waited until Sasha was out of earshot. "Was it your first time drinking too?"

Mikasa nodded and was surprised when he laughed.

"Of course _you_ can handle your drink! I wouldn't expect anything else from you _,_ Mikasa."

She didn't know what to say to that. He grinned at her. "So? Did you like it?"

"The alcohol?" She shrugged. "It wasn't too bad."

"Natural-born drinker, you are!" He laughed again. Then, watching Sasha's diminishing back, he said, not unkindly, "Looks like you've made friends, then."

Mikasa smiled slightly. "Looks like it."

Mr. Hannes ruffled her head lightly. "Good. That's good for you, Mikasa."

Her cheeks turned a delicate shade of pink. Somehow, inexplicably, she felt like she had made Mr. Hannes proud by just making new friends.

"So where's our little scholar?"

"In the barracks."

"I figured. Come on, let's draw him out."

Mikasa fell into step easily with Mr. Hannes and she was suddenly struck by how quickly time had passed. She remembered having to walk faster, almost run, to keep up with Mr. Hannes.

"How have you been?" Mr. Hannes asked her at one point.

Mikasa hitched up her scarf. "Okay, I think."

"Mm. It's been a hell of a week."

"Yes."

"You… you hear from Eren?" He asked her carefully.

"No." She clutched her scarf tightly. "He only left today."

"I heard."

They spoke nothing else until they reached the barracks. A few people looked askance at Mikasa when she entered the boys' quarters, but no one questioned her, not with Mr. Hannes at her side. They found Armin poring over his notes from Training camp. He jumped to his feet at the sight of them and rushed to Mr. Hannes with an almost normal smile on his face.

Highly aware of the curious glances from the other boys in the dorm, they went back outside to talk. Both Mikasa and Armin were clearly morose, and quiet as a result, after recent events. Mr. Hannes immediately set about to try and draw them out of their shells. He asked after their wellbeing and started to make his characteristic lame jokes.

It worked, and soon, the three of them were sniggering madly at his stupid statements. Even Mikasa's poker face broke, helped no doubt by the alcohol she had recently imbibed.

"All packed?" Mr. Hannes asked Armin as they quietened and sat down on the steps of the building.

Armin shrugged. "I guess. There isn't a lot to pack anyway."

"True." Mr. Hannes sighed and leaned back on a stair. "So. Survey Corps, eh?"

Both Mikasa and Armin nodded.

"I'd tell you to not follow Eren blindly but…"

"It's too late now," Mikasa deadpanned.

Armin shook his head. "We're not following him blindly, Mr. Hannes. This is our own choice as much as his."

Mr. Hannes sighed. "It didn't seem like he was given a choice anyway."

Armin and Mikasa exchanged glances. "You were at the trial?"

Mr. Hannes nodded. "It was the most leverage I could pull, being a man of my humble standing." He chuckled humorlessly. "They didn't let me see him in holding, though."

"They didn't let us either," Armin admitted.

He looked surprised. "So you two haven't seen him since-"

"No," Mikasa sighed, burying her face in her scarf again. _God_ , she missed Eren.

"Did the Commander speak to you?"

"Commander Erwin Smith?" Armin perked up. "No. Did he speak to you?"

Mr. Hannes nodded uncomfortably. "Yes. Wanted to talk about Eren."

"What did he want?" Mikasa snapped.

Mr. Hannes raised his hands defensively. "Whoa, easy there, Mikasa. He just wanted to know about Eren's childhood."

"And he couldn't ask us that?" She fumed. She trusted the Commander of the Survey Corps as little as she did the midget Captain.

"Mikasa, he would've wanted to know how Eren could have got the Titan power," Armin said gently. "We were children, we wouldn't have known."

"But Eren already told them about Uncle Grisha-"

There was a sudden pause.

"Grisha did that to Eren?" Mr. Hannes asked, eyes widening.

Armin said slowly, "Eren remembers very little, but he remembers Dr. Jaeger injecting him with something."

"Bloody hell." Mr. Hannes looked stunned. "I would never have thought…"

"None of us did. Least of all Eren."

Mr. Hannes still looked shocked. Both Mikasa and Armin waited for him to say something but the silence stretched on.

"...Mr. Hannes ?"

"Hmm?" Mr. Hannes jumped violently, as though he had forgotten he was with them.

"Are you alright?"

He looked at Mikasa and Armin's concerned faces. Then he sighed. "No. I don't think any of us will be, for a while." He gazed across the barracks' courtyard, the buzz of soldiers milling about greatly reduced from before. "I thought the world had turned into hell five years ago but now it only seems like the beginning…"

He shook his head and stood up. "Well. Let's not dwell on it. I just came to see you two before you left for the Survey Corps headquarters in the morning." He smiled down at them. "Also wanted to say I'm proud of both of you. When you see him, tell Eren I'm proud of him, too."

Mikasa felt on the verge of tears again. Armin looked just as overwhelmed. "Thank you, Mr. Hannes."

Mr. Hannes smiled warmly at them. "Keep each other safe. And stay alive." With which final words he turned away and trotted down the stairs.

"You too!" Armin yelled after him. Mr. Hannes waved at them without turning. They watched him disappear into the darkness in silence.

"I wish Eren had got to speak to him," Armin sighed.

"Mm," she agreed.

Armin squirmed. "Mikasa… Are you scared?"

She looked at him, surprised. "What?"

"Tomorrow, we'll be going to the Survey Corps headquarters. We'll be facing Titans again. There's no turning back." He looked away. "Doesn't that scare you?"

She pondered for a moment. "No. I'll get to be with Eren. That's all that matters."

"Of course." Armin sighed. " _I'm_ scared," he admitted, looking ashamed.

"That's alright," Mikasa said gently. "Almost everyone else is."

He hugged his knees. "You and Eren aren't like everyone else."

Mikasa blinked. Did he still doubt himself, after everything he'd done in the battle of Trost?

Armin had done so much that day. He had swept her out of the way of Eren's fight with one of the Titans. He had come up with the plan to lure Eren to the Supply Depot. He had come up with the plan _at_ the Supply Depot. He had convinced the Garrison to not kill Eren. He had come up with the plan to plug the hole. He had brought Eren out of his stupor in his Titan form.

How did he not see how much he'd accomplished? As much as Eren, if not more… It suddenly occurred to her that _both_ her boys had grown so much and been so strong on that day. Her own physical strength was nothing, _nothing_ compared to them.

"Do you know we just drank to you?"

His head shot up, startled. " _What_?"

She told him about their drinking session.

Armin shook his head, but she was glad to see a small smile. "That's not… I didn't do anything more than all the others…"

"Yes. Nor did I." Mikasa remembered something Connie said. "Nevertheless," she said with something close to a grin, "you did damn good."

Armin laughed lightly. "You should get drunk more often."

"I'm not drunk," she snapped.

"Sure." He stood up, and before she could see it coming, ruffled her hair. "Go to bed, Mikasa." He beamed at her, the same sunny smile he had once given her when she had rescued his book from his bullies. "Good night."

"Good night, Armin."

The night was still cold, the sky still moonless. Trost still burned in the afterglow of their battle, and death still lurked around every corner. Mina Carolina and Hanna's beds were still empty.

But she was fine. She had Eren's warm scarf, Mr. Hannes and Armin's warm smile, her friends' warm support. She had the alcohol warming her blood.

She was _fine_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: First things first, Mikasa really isn't drunk. I like to think she's like Levi in that aspect - they just don't get drunk. That doesn't mean she can't feel the (mild) effects of alcohol at least!
> 
> I struggle so much to write conversations that involve more than two people... *sigh* I hope the entire drinking sesh flows well and it doesn't sound too monotonous and formulaic.
> 
> Hannes was the person I added last minute, I suddenly realised I really wanted Mikasa to interact with him as well, since he is also an important part of their lives. And his segment was added so belatedly, I hope his character came out well enough and his dynamic with Mikasa felt fairly established.
> 
> I love Ymir. She swears, she a total lightweight, and she gay af. I frickin' adore her.
> 
> Last but not the least, I suck at namling things. :/ Hopefully the chapter title isn't too bad.
> 
> Let me know how you feel about this chapter, and thanks again for the appreciation so far!


	14. Betrayal - Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first of all, thanks so much for the appreciation, mystifi_ed! I'm really glad you like the story. 
> 
> And I know I sound quite self-deprecating, but that's because, honestly, I have no idea how this story comes across to all of you lovely readers. Seriously, I have read and reread and reread this story so many times, I've a pretty good idea which line comes where rn, and am pretty much desensitized to reading it as a whole story.
> 
> Which is why your comments mean everything to me, because then I know what I'm doing right and what I'm not, and if the story flows well enough, because I did not write these chapters in the order they appear. Fun fact, this chapter and especially the next were written early on, pretty soon after the very first chapter.
> 
> So let me know what you think about this one. Happy reading!

 

* * *

A sudden grunt in the gathering darkness jolted her awake. She turned bleary eyes to the window, and realised it was quite late. The sun had already set and only a few hints of orange remained in the sky.

She turned back to the bed she had fallen asleep on, half of her still on her chair. They were still holding hands, a throwback to when they were little and she could not sleep without Eren's hand in hers. And after the fall of Shiganshina, Eren had needed her hand too, for a long time. It was a familiar anchor they both depended on.

Eren looked particularly peaceful asleep, a small snore or two escaping him. All the distress from before, from their hasty return to the shameful reception by the townspeople, none of it remained on his face. She was glad. She hoped his dreams were as peaceful as he looked.

Bodily urges soon overcame her and she retracted her hand regretfully. She stretched to loosen her stiff muscles and closed the door to his room, giving Eren one last look. And promptly ran into someone.

"Oof!"

"Hey -oh, it's… you."

Jean's gaze lingered on her face. She managed to ignore it, as she'd had enough practice over three years to deal with it.

Jean glanced over her shoulder at the door she had just closed. His open, vulnerable expression immediately tightened to a cold sneer.

"Been with Eren, huh."

"Yes." Her voice was flat. "Excuse me, Jean."

"R-right."

She pushed gently past him and made her way to the women's restrooms. A small voice in her head told her she should be kinder to Jean, but between her mood and her bladder, she couldn't care less.

She felt a little aimless as she quit the restroom. She supposed she should get something to eat, not because she was hungry, but because she knew her body's limitations, and nourishment was important.

She made her way to the mess hall, still thinking about their horrible day, and as she turned around a corner, she rammed into someone again. This time, the person fell with a loud gasp, and she recognised him immediately.

"Armin!" She cried and helped him up. "Did I hurt you?"

Armin simply shook his head. She took one look at him and knew something was off.

"What's wrong?"

Armin shook his head, almost in disbelief. "I… I need to get some thoughts straight."

"What thoughts?"

He didn't answer her. "Did you see Reiner around? I wanted to talk to him."

Mikasa shook her head. "I've been with Eren."

"How is he?"

"Still sleeping."

"Good, good." Armin clearly wasn't listening to her. He also wasn't looking at her and looked deeply troubled now.

"Armin. What's wrong?" She repeated with a frown.

He ran his fingers through his hair. "I have a theory, I still can't… still can't believe it…"

"A theory about?"

He was silent again.

"Armin."

He finally looked at her, and something in his wide blue eyes made her shudder. "Mikasa. I -I need your help."

"Tell me."

He tugged at a few strands of his hair, hard enough to rip them out. He was clearly more distressed than his expression let on.

"Could you come with me to Commander Erwin's office? I have to tell him something."

"Oh. Alright." Mikasa had automatically assumed he needed her physical strength, when all he seemed to be looking for was moral support. She wondered what he had to say to the Commander.

Armin took a deep breath. "Okay. Let's go."

They walked side by side through the many winding corridors of HQ. The closer they got to the Commander's office, the more anxious Armin seemed to get.

Finally, when they were a corner away, Armin slowed down so much Mikasa had to stop. His expression pained her.

"Armin," she sighed, walking back to him and placing a hand on his shoulder, "please tell me what's wrong."

He reached up and grasped her hand; he was clutching it so tightly his nails dug into her flesh. His eyes were brimming with fear and anger and… pain? He turned away before she could remark on it.

"Mikasa," he said slowly. "Did… did you recognise her?"

She stared at him blankly. "Her?"

He started to shake. "Armin," she murmured, her gut twisting. "What-?"

"The female Titan."

She frowned. "I'd never seen it before today."

He let out a shaky, humourless chuckle. "I don't mean 'it'. I mean _her_."

"We never saw the person inside…" Her voice petered away. Some chord of recognition had struck her, but what it was, she couldn't tell. Yet.

Armin clearly saw the gears in her head turning. Before either of them could say anything more, they heard footsteps behind them. Both turned around , and for the second time that evening, Mikasa was met by Jean's scowl.

"What are you guys doing here?"

"Jean!" Armin sounded inordinately pleased. "Actually, I'm glad you're here." He stepped toward Jean, leaving Mikasa's hand to fall at her side limply. He did not seem to be shaking anymore.

"I want to talk to the Commander about something, and it would be best if you came with us, too."

Jean looked surprised. "What do you want me for?"

"You'll see." Armin, suddenly calm, suddenly determined, grasped Jean by the arm and led him to the Commander's office, beckoning Mikasa to follow. She did, still frowning.

"Armin, what the hell, man, what are you even talking about-"

Armin rapped loudly on the Commander's door. He looked almost desperate, like he wanted to get the conversation over with.

"Enter."

Jean's voice cut off abruptly as Armin opened the door and hauled him in. Mikasa followed sedately.

At least four heads turned to look at them when they entered the spacious office.

The three of them saluted instantly, while Mikasa looked around. The room was sparsely, but pleasantly furnished. Books lined parts of all the walls neatly, there were even bookshelves next to the door. The chairs were straight-backed, but cushioned. The window bars were not affixed to the frame, rather, they were hinged and could clearly be swung open. A small fire burned in a plain fireplace. Large posters of maps and scouting formations were plastered neatly on the walls. She liked this room.

She then turned her attention to the people in the room. She recognised three of the four veterans that turned to look at them : Squad Leader Hange, Squad Leader Mike, Captain Nanaba, and a dark-haired woman.

The Commander himself was poring over a map, and only looked up at the sound of their fists hitting their chests.

Armin took it upon himself to speak. Mikasa, who stood a step behind him, could see a shudder pass through his spine. Unobtrusively, she stepped forward until their shoulders touched, willing Armin to understand that she was by his side, she would support him no matter what.

It seemed to work. In a surprisingly firm voice, he said, "Sir, I apologise for disturbing you. But I have some important information about today's expedition that I would like to report to you."

It was Squad Leader Mike who spoke. "Just how important is this information? Can't it wait?" Mikasa bristled at the insolence of the statement, but said nothing. The higher-ups would obviously have more important subjects to discuss. On Armin's other side, she noticed Jean squirm uncomfortably.

"It's highly important, sir," Armin said. "It's to do with the female Titan."

Jean shot him a quick, sharp glance. Everyone else in the room stiffened.

Finally, the Commander spoke. "You are Armin Arlert, from the 104th?"

Armin nodded. "Yes, sir!"

"Eren Jeagar's close friend?"

Armin blinked. "Yes, sir. Along with…" He gestured at her, but the Commander spoke for him. "Mikasa Ackerman, I presume?"

She nodded. "Sir!"

His gaze lingered on her a moment, and Mikasa was struck by just how much like Armin he was, with his piercing, calculating gaze. Then the Commander turned to Jean, who answered the unspoken question.

"Jean Kirschtein, also from the 104th, sir!"

"Very well. What do you recruits have to say about the female Titan?"

Armin took a deep breath. "I believe I know who she is, sir."

The silence was only pierced by Jean's sharp hiss as he glanced at Armin again. Everyone else stared at Armin, their expressions ranging from shock to disbelief.

The Commander only looked at Armin as though he were evaluating him. Mikasa wondered how Armin felt to be on the receiving end of a look like that, for once.

The silence continued for nearly half a minute. Then - "Alright, I'll hear you out. Everyone, I request you to grant me fifteen minutes with them."

None of the veterans argued, and only Hange and Mike sent them curious glances before closing the door behind them.

"Now, I see from your friends' expressions that they don't know what you're talking about. Care to explain?"

He was a sharp man, the Commander. She made a note to be wary of him in the future.

"They're witnesses, sir, and I told them nothing so that you'll get honest, spontaneous answers from them."

 _What a pair, these two_ , Mikasa thought wryly.

"That was clever of you," the Commander acknowledged. "Well?"

"With your permission, sir?" Armin had half-turned toward Jean. The Commander nodded, while Jean stiffened.

"Jean. I'd like to ask you some questions."

Jean jerked his head in a short nod.

Armin dove right in. "Would you say the female Titan was capable of advanced hand-to-hand combat?"

"It's possible," Jean answered uncomfortably. "Though I didn't see her fight with Eren."

"Fair enough. What about her approach to 3DMG maneuvers?"

"She… she knew what to expect."

"So you'd say she was familiar with them?"

"... Yes."

"When you were attacking her, and I was on the ground, she nearly got you. But she stopped. Do you remember?"

"It's not something I'll ever forget," Jean muttered. "You saved my life."

Armin let that pass. "How do you mean?"

"You were there, Armin."

"I'd like you to explain to the Commander, Jean."

Jean took a deep breath. "She knew what to expect from our maneuvers, like I said. I swung past her nape, which she shielded with her hand, and as I swung by her side, she knew exactly where my trajectory would lead. She raised her fist to hit me. But… she stopped at the last minute. Because of something you said."

Armin sighed softly and turned back to the Commander. "It was a spur-of-the-moment decision. I had already deduced she was looking for Eren-"

"How did you deduce this?" The Commander cut in for the first time.

"Because our paths had crossed before." Mikasa felt him tremble and she leaned into his shoulder gently. He took the hint and calmed down. "Minutes before that encounter, she ran past my horse, causing me to fall off the horse. I was on the ground, on my knees and I was sure I would die. Then… she stopped and leaned down, and…" Mikasa found herself staring at him. She did not know this. "She lifted the hood of my cloak, which had fallen over my face. She looked at my face for a moment, then stood up and ran away."

The Commander's voice was bland. "She looked at your face."

Armin nodded, a bead of sweat forming on his brow. "I surmised then that she was probably looking for someone. It wasn't hard to imagine that it was Eren she was looking for."

The Commander nodded. "Continue."

Armin took a deep breath. "Coming back to Jean's near-death experience, I guessed that she was still looking for Eren. I yelled out a lie, that Eren had been crushed by her in the right flank, where she was coming from."

Jean nodded. "Then she changed course after that, and left us alone."

"But," and this time his voice was shaking, "I didn't say Eren's name. Do you remember, Jean?"

The Commander leaned forward, his eyes gleaming. Jean had frozen stiff with shock at the memory. "You said… you said-"

"I said we must avenge the 'Reckless Idiot', whom she had crushed in the right flank."

Despite the fire in the room and her warm scarf, Mikasa suddenly turned cold. She finally knew where this was heading, but she couldn't process it. _It couldn't be_.

"And this Reckless Idiot is…?" The Commander's voice was soft.

"Our nickname for Eren."

"By 'our' you mean…"

"The 104th Training Squad."

There was a beat of silence. "None of the instructors would have known?"

Armin shook his head. He was trembling again and Mikasa's presence didn't seem enough to make him stop now.

The Commander rubbed his chin. "So you're saying this person is from the 104th Training Corps, and is good at combat." The silence was deafening. "Which girl in your batch was good at hand-to-hand combat?"

Both Jean and Armin turned to her reflexively. Her heart was thudding with the realisation, but she managed to keep her tone dry. "I fought the female Titan. I definitely wasn't in the Titan's nape. Captain Levi will attest to that."

It was Jean who spoke. "That's not necessary," he snapped. "The female Titan is _blonde_."

He had voiced her thought exactly.

The Commander looked between them. "You all know who he's talking about."

The boys nodded, but neither of them seemed to be able to talk anymore. Armin was shaking so much she gave in and held his hand tightly. "Armin is saying the female Titan is a girl called… Annie Leonhardt."

Her voice broke, she could speak no more. In her mind, she saw Annie training with her in the gym, flying through the trees with them, taking down bandits with her, talking to Armin, teaching an eager Eren hand-to-hand combat…

That. _Bitch_.

The Commander, when he finally spoke, did so softly. "Take a seat, all of you. This is going to take some time."

* * *

"Eren."

No response.

"Eren, please."

Still nothing.

"Eren, talk to me!"

He stopped then, so suddenly she nearly ran into him. When he turned to her, his eyes were sparkling, brimming with fury.

Wet with tears.

She felt her gut clench at his pain.

" _Talk?_ What else is left to say?!" He was nearly screaming.

She was caught off-guard. What _was_ left to say? Everything had been discussed, out in the open. He was right, there was nothing left to say.

"Eren! Mikasa!" Armin was catching up to them.

With a noise that was half-snarl, half-sob, Eren turned away from her pleading gaze and stalked away.

"Eren!" Armin's voice was pained, too, but she clutched his arm to stop him. "He… he doesn't want us, right now," she mumbled, her insides feeling empty.

Armin simply grasped her hand, and broke down into tears.

She didn't say anything as Armin wheezed and sobbed next to her. She simply squeezed his hand every now and then, and waited for him to stop. She wished she could break down, too, give the boys company.

But her goddamn tear glands refused to cooperate. As usual.

Armin finally straightened up with a last, shaky sniff. "I'm sorry… I didn't think I was-"

"Don't apologize," she said softly. "I'd cry if I could."

"Does he hate me?" His voice was still trembling.

"Of course not." She wished her tone carried more conviction. "He -he trusts you. More than anyone else."

"And you."

"Yes." She buried her face into her scarf. "I wish… I wish that was enough for him."

"For us," he amended.

She didn't answer him. She remembered a conversation she'd had with Armin during training.

They were to practise scaling the walls on the outside. It was their first and closest brush to Titans since the fall of Shiganshina. Mikasa, understandably, was panicking.

Armin had tried to calm her down while they geared up. "Mikasa, it'll be alright. This exercise is being closely monitored by the Garrison and even some Survey Corps members. All we'll be doing is scaling the wall."

She had been single-minded in her words. "Armin. If something happens-"

"Mikasa, nothing will-"

"If something happens," she had barrelled on, "and I'm not around… get Eren to Annie."

That had stopped Armin's dithering. "What?"

"If I'm too far, or incapacitated… get him to Annie."

Armin had turned to look at Eren, who was joking around with Reiner and Bertholdt.

"Not… Reiner?"

"Too much of a good soldier." She'd answered him shortly, sliding in her gas canisters. "If Eren's wellbeing means disobeying orders, then Annie's the person to go to."

"You… you trust her that much?"

Mikasa had snorted. "I don't trust her at all. But she is the most capable after me. And she thinks quickly in times of stress. If she's around, Eren won't die."

_Eren won't die._

How wrong she had been. It had been Annie who had nearly killed Eren and stuffed him into her mouth and run. Annie who killed all her Survey Corps comrades. Annie, who had nearly pulverised _her_ , were it not for Captain Levi. Annie, who…

"What did you mean," she mumbled suddenly, "when you said she helped the Colossal and the Armoured Titan?"

Armin looked away. "It was a theory I always had. When Shiganshina's outer gate fell, too many Titans came in, way too fast. You remember what Mr. Hannes used to say? It was rare to see more than six to ten Titans near the gate. When the gate fell, dozens poured in almost instantly. Like someone had brought them along."

Mikasa felt sick. "You think-"

"I think they each had their role. The Colossal would take out the outer gate, the Armoured would take out the inner one. The Female Titan would lure the Titans in."

 _Annie_ lured the Titans. Annie had brought destruction to her home. Annie was the reason they left behind Aunt Carla.

It was all Annie.

"She has a lot of explaining to do," Armin muttered in the silence.

"Get in line," the new voice was familiar by now. "I have some questions too." Jean looked defeated, exhausted. "She saved my life in Trost."

"She killed all those people on the expedition," Mikasa said harshly. "She helped kill all the people in our town. She killed our _families_."

Jean raised his hands. "I know, I get it, Mikasa."

"Don't forget that, Jean," she snapped, her voice rough. "She's a monster."

Another memory popped into her head, unbidden. She'd been returning to the girls' barracks after training in the gym. On the way, she'd overheard a conversation between Connie and Thomas.

"...but imagine it though. Who do you think could take Mikasa?"

"We _know_ Reiner can't," Connie had snickered.

"Well, Reiner couldn't take down Annie, either," Thomas had mused.

"Oh yeah! Dude, I bet Annie could take Mikasa. She's just as much a monster as her."

They had been comrades, fellow monsters, Annie and her. And as much as the blonde girl had annoyed her, Mikasa at least had respected the girl for their near-equal standing.

Now, it was like Annie had destroyed the ground beneath her and Mikasa was reeling at how unequal they truly were, how they were both monsters of a wholly different calibre than the other.

"Yeah, she's a monster," Jean agreed presently. "But you shouldn't be telling _me_ that."

His voice was mild enough, but there was _something_ hinted there that she could not ignore.

"What are you trying to say?"

"Has Eren come to the same realisation you have?"

Still he spoke softly, but Mikasa sensed a confrontation, even as Armin muttered a warning - "Jean."

"What are you trying to say?" She repeated.

Jean shrugged. "He didn't seem to believe us."

"Of course he believed us!" She snapped.

"Oh yeah? Then why is he pissed at you both?"

"He isn't mad at us," she said carefully.

Jean snorted. "Right. That's why he won't even look at you." She was frozen stiff in shock; what Jean was saying was cutting her deep. But she could say nothing. She had no words.

"Jean," Armin said, his tone more urgent.

Jean ignored him. "It had to be her, of all people. It had to be Annie." He blinked at her. "So Eren won't talk to you. It hurts, doesn't it?"

It was his tone that did it. That inflection of… of pity, of understanding, of _commiseration_. How dare he, how _dare_ he equate his stupid, childish feelings to her deep, irreplaceable bond with Eren? _How_ _dare_ _he?_

She felt rage burn through her veins, and she told him something she had only said once before in her life. "Jean," she spoke through her teeth, "go fuck yourself."

She whipped around and strode away, ignoring Armin's calls, and eventually, Jean's as well.

She only stopped in her room to gear up. Then, without a backward glance, she ran out the gates, fleeing, craving escape, crawling away from the hell that was the Survey Corps headquarters.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh ma GAD did Mikasa just swear? You bet your ass she did; she spent enough time around Eren to get that bad habit. And, if it wasn't clear enough, she was furious at that point. Mikasa likely ranks her affection for Eren at a much higher, deeper level than mere romantic interest, which is why Jean's words bothered her so much.
> 
> Eren is, I am certain, a major drama queen, but I feel his reaction is justified. Annie's betrayal was the very first one they had to face, and I have a feeling it was the hardest for them. That Annie, their friend, a kid just like them, was directly involved in the fall of Wall Maria, would have been very upsetting. Add that to the fact that Eren had just watched his entire squad die that very morning, and in the midst of that terrible grief, he is told that Annie was the one that killed them... put yourself in poor Eren's shoes and feel his angst, if you can.
> 
> So yeah, if it wasn't obvious, this takes place the same day they return from their botched expedition.
> 
> Next chapter will be much smaller, but hopefully, worth the added delay!
> 
> Like I said, let me know what you think of the chapter. Thanks again for reading this!


	15. Betrayal - Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sli-ightly late update, I hope you'll forgive me. Wow, thanks mystifi_ed for the comments, I'm glad the story continues to interest you. :) To the others, thanks anyway for reading and hope you'll keep reading!
> 
> This chapter continues immediately from the previous one, but it'll be a little short. Buuut it has one of my most fave conversations I've written so far, so yaye for that I guess?
> 
> Enjoy!

 

* * *

It was very dark by the time she returned to the headquarters; it was a cloudy, moonless night. She walked past the stables briskly, trying to keep her crushing disappointment at bay.

She was walking so quickly she nearly missed it: a gleam of white from the corner of her sight. She turned around, and stared, stunned, at what she knew was the herb garden.

"You're out late, soldier."

He had been so quiet she hadn't sensed him. She whipped around, then saluted immediately at the man standing in the shadows of the gables.

"At ease," Captain Levi nodded. "Where have you been off gallivanting?"

She wanted to snap that no one _gallivanted_ and it was none of his business anyway. She kept silent instead.

The Captain continued to be annoyingly inquisitive. "You got family here?"

Maybe it was the exhaustion, maybe the disappointment. Her sharp retort never left her and she said instead, "My only family is in there." She gestured at the main building.

"How tragic." His tone didn't change in the slightest. "Why were you out then?"

She frowned. He had saved Eren, she reminded herself. _He is humanity's brightest hope, next to Eren_. But he was still a rude and annoying midget.

"Is there a problem? Was I not supposed to go out?"

Levi raised his eyebrow. "Calm down, brat. No need to get snappy."

"May I go then?"

"I'm not stopping you."

That should have been good enough for her, but she knew people enough to sense that the conversation was not over. Leaving now would be the height of insolence, and as annoying as he was, Levi was still a much higher ranking officer.

"What did I do wrong?" She asked when the silence got awkward.

"Single-minded little doll, aren't you," he drawled. She felt her hands curl into fists. _Little. Doll. Little?_

Her fury was, of course, apparent to him because she let it be so. He rolled his eyes. "You did nothing wrong, other than the fact that you've been compromising on time allocated to you for rest. You are an integral part of the operation in Stohess tomorrow. You need to be at your alert best."

" _You're_ still up," she pointed out, getting away with as much rudeness as she could.

"I said 'integral', brat. I'm on standby tomorrow. No action unless absolutely required."

The reason for that hung unspoken in the air. She dropped her head, flushed with embarrassment and shame. It was her fault.

"I'll go to bed," she mumbled. Before she turned around, she cast one last, lingering look at the herb garden.

Of course he noticed, curse him.

"Were you a gardener or something before you joined the military?"

_None of your business._

She bit back her snarl. "I like those flowers," she said monotonously.

He glanced at the flowers. "They're pretty, I suppose." His statement seemed to hold a question. She could almost hear him say it. She didn't seem to be the type of girl who liked flowers. Was she?

She, of course, didn't give him the satisfaction of finding out. "Do you know what they're called?"

A frown. "Do _I_ look like a fucking gardener to you?"

She blinked. "Of course not, Captain. My mistake."

He huffed then, clearly annoyed at her cool response. "Tch. You can pick a few. Go on, they're common enough and a few is not stealing."

She stared at him, to make sure he wasn't joking or playing a trick of some sort. But his expression remained uniform. She decided not to tell him that she didn't want to pick any flowers anyway.

She cut two or three twigs easily with her fingernails, each bearing a sprig of gleaming, clustered white flowers. They smelled heavenly.

He simply watched her as she stepped out of the garden. She approached him, wondering what to say, when he spoke instead. "They're called Moonlace."

She jumped, surprised. "What?"

"Those flowers. Moonlace… someone told me, once."

She stared at him. "Oh." Her heart was thudding. Why did it sound so familiar, so close to her heart? Is that why she dreamed of them?

"They're used to make teas. Good for stress and insomnia."

"I see," she looked down at the aromatic little blooms in her palms.

Then she looked at him again. His expression seemed to have remained the same, but there was something different. Something, she realised, to do with his eyes.

Then the moment ended. "Go to bed, soldier," he said sharply. "Make yourself some tea if you have to."

She looked at him. "Would you like some?"

She fully expected him to decline, and she almost didn't hear the "Alright." When she did, she nodded and turned away, hiding her surprise behind her scarf.

They walked to the mess hall in silence. Mikasa made a beeline to the pantry adjoining the mess hall, without waiting to see what the Captain would do.

Mechanically, she began to make the tea. She set water to boil, then washed the sprigs.

_Remove the buds, Mikasa. They make the tea bitter._

She froze, the sprigs still under the running water. How… how did she know that? An old, tarnished memory seemed to come into focus, but the more she tried to remember, the more the memory seemed to slip out of her grasp…

"What are you doing?"

Captain Levi's voice jarred her to the present. She jumped and noticed that most of the flowers in her plucked sprigs had already been washed away under the stream of tapwater.

"Your effort at cleanliness is appreciated," Captain Levi said, raising an eyebrow, "but you'll need _something_ to make the tea with."

She flushed guiltily. She felt worse when he handed her more flowers. "Any more and we'll definitely be stealing," he told her.

She wanted to ask him why he had taken the flowers, and when, because she hadn't noticed him pick any. But she knew it was pointless asking him, so she accepted the new sprigs with a murmur of thanks.

The Captain went back to the mess hall before she could finish expressing her gratitude.

Huffing, she washed the flowers with more care this time. She boiled water afresh and added the flowers, and then, unbidden, added cloves and honey.

She paused again, frowning. How was she doing this? Had she made this tea before?

She had to physically shake her head to get herself out of her reverie. _Focus_ , she told herself, _focus on the now._

When the tea was finally ready, she put the tea things on a tray and walked back into the dining hall. Captain Levi, to her surprise,was still standing. Didn't his leg hurt?

"Won't you sit, Captain?"

He looked at her. "Where?"

It was such a stupid question, she stared at him for a long moment. There were more than a dozen empty tables, each seating eight. It was like he'd never been to the mess hall before, when only yesterday he'd been sitting at the table near the stairs with his squad-

Oh. _Oh_.

She had been making her way to the same table but at the last minute she swerved and sat at a different one instead. His expression did not change when he sat opposite her, but she thought she could see a hint of _something_ in his eyes again.

Or maybe it was a trick of the light.

"Are you going to pour, or what?"

Definitely the light.

She poured, and they drank in silence.

Captain Levi broke the silence, surprisingly. "Where did you learn to make this tea?"

Mikasa hesitated. "I think my mother taught me."

"You _think_?"

"I don't remember her teaching me." She admitted.

The Captain took a sip of his tea. "Was she from the mountains?"

"We used to live in the mountains," Mikasa said, raising her eyebrows.

He answered her unspoken question, though he seemed reluctant to do so. "One of my subordinates, her mother's family came from the mountains." A small, hesitant pause. "Petra Rall used to make tea like this."

His voice was as toneless as ever, his face with its usual stoic expression. But Mikasa knew, from years of practice, just how much a deadpan countenance could hide.

She hadn't been able to interact much with the Special Ops Squad, informally known as the Levi Squad, during her month with the Survey Corps. But from what she had managed to observe, and from the little that Eren had told her, she had known Petra Rall to be a kind, warm person, despite her formidable kill rate.

Mikasa wondered now at how much strength it had taken Captain Levi to even say her _name_ in that measured tone. She supposed she shouldn't be surprised -he was humanity's strongest soldier, after all. She suddenly found herself at a loss for words and searched desperately for something to say, something to break this sudden overwhelming weight of grief that was in the air.

"I went outside to look for a cat," Mikasa blurted. Then her cheeks reddened. Of all the things to say!

The Captain paused mid-sip. "A cat," he repeated slowly.

She nodded, pulling up her scarf to hide her embarrassment. "It was a cat we left here before we enlisted in the Training Corps."

"Did you find it?"

She shook her head.

He snorted. "What did you expect?"

"I didn't really expect to find it… it was just wishful thinking," she said softly.

"Well," he took a sip. "That's understandable."

She looked at him with surprise again. How was he not laughing at her? He noticed her stare, of course. "I do understand the concept of wishful thinking, Ackerman," he said, raising an eyebrow.

She shook her head hurriedly. "Captain, I didn't-"

"Relax. Drink your tea."

It was excellent advice, and she complied. When the tea did calm her flustered nerves, she reflected for a while, and came to a decision.

"Captain," she said, her voice firm. "Thank you… for saving Eren."

He snorted. "The brat can thank me himself."

She bowed her head. She knew she had to say it. She _had_ to. "Then… I'm sorry. About your leg. It was my fault entirely."

Captain Levi watched her for one long moment before answering. "Yes. It was." The words would have cut her deep, but they didn't. His voice was very soft.

They spoke no more until they finished the tea. When they did, the Captain insisted on clearing up.

"You need to rest," he said flatly and waved her away.

Mikasa didn't argue. She simply nodded, wished him a good night, and as she left, glanced back at the pantry one last time. The Captain had already started on the teapot, but his hands were barely moving, and he held onto the teapot under the running water as though his life depended on it.

Grief and anxiety, sorrow and anger overtook her senses again. She blinked away the tears gathering in her eyes and turned away from the grieving Captain, from the dark, moonless sky that seemed to mock her from the windows, and she went to bed in silence.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Slight Rivetra I guess, but like I said, the pairings are completely up to you. Even if it's platonic, Levi did care about all his Squad members, and as the youngest (I think) and only girl on his team, I still think Levi had a soft spot for Petra in his heart, even platonically.
> 
> There is a small shift in how Mikasa acts around Levi after taking on Annie in the forest. We see her slowly come to respect Levi and even follow his orders unquestioningly in the manga. I think the first time we see the difference is later on when she asks him how his leg is. I like to think Mikasa would have apologised to Levi for costing him his leg temporarily -I mean, she's no brown-noser, but she definitely gives her superiors the respect she is expected to, as a rookie soldier.
> 
> Anyhow, that's what inspired this chapter, which I think I wrote immediately after I wrote the first one, so it feels 'old' in my head!
> 
> As always, hope no one seemed OOC and let me know what you guys think!
> 
> Thanks again for reading!


	16. Beaming Bright - Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy guys, time for a new arc! But first, thanks so much for the comments, I am so happy you guys are still sticking around with my story! And to the new readers, welcome to the madness!
> 
> SPOILER ALERT: Going forward, the story is going to be manga-only. This scene takes place immediately after where season 2 ends. So consider yourself warned!
> 
> This is a quiet and short chapter and so very close to being shippy I had to rein myself in... You'll see!
> 
> Happy reading!

 

* * *

The moon was quite bright. This was both a good and bad thing. Good because it wouldn't be too dark for her task, not that she needed the light. Bad because someone else could see her.

She made her way to the stump where they chopped wood and found a small pile of partially cut logs next to it.

Excellent.

She positioned herself on the other side, where the stump and the logs would hide her, and began.

It was more painful than she had imagined but she brushed it away. She could deal with the pain. She knew she could.

Not a whisper nor wheeze escaped her for the next ten minutes. Slowly, methodically, she focused on the count and the light sounds from the forest around her, on the cool breeze fanning her face and exposed midriff.

She had just started on sit ups, and had only pulled herself up for her third one, when a voice cut through her quiet thoughts.

" _Mikasa?_ "

She gasped and twisted around, then gasped again at the sudden movement. So much for dealing with the pain.

Eren approached her swiftly and helped her up. "What the hell are you doing?"

She let a small sigh of frustration escape her. "Training."

"Training," he repeated flatly. Then - "Are you crazy?"

"Shh, Eren. You'll wake the others."

"That's not important right now!" He hissed. "You're supposed to be resting!"

"I'm done resting. I've slacked off for more than a week now. I need to keep fit."

"Don't talk like fricking Shadis. Keeping fit is all well and good but not when you're hurt!"

"I'm not hurt anymore. I've healed."

"Like fuck you have."

She shook her head and tried to deflect him. "Why are you up?"

Eren looked away. "I couldn't sleep, what do you think?" He was still frowning. "Come on."

"I was in the middle of my set-"

"If I have to transform into a Titan to restrain you, I'll do it right now." He growled. "Enough exercising. Come with me."

She knew she could just go away, train elsewhere. Eren truly couldn't pin her down unless he was a Titan, and she was sure he wasn't serious about transforming. What she _did_ know, was that Eren would not give up. And that he had a loud voice. Which would wake everyone else, and then she'd have more questions to deal with.

She sighed again. "Alright. Where are are we going?"

Eren shrugged. "Just… around."

"Okay. Not near the watchtower, I'm guessing?"

"Obviously."

Mikasa nodded and fell into step with Eren, holding onto her scarf while she cooled off. Neither of them said a word as they trudged through the woods. She was suddenly struck by the fact that Eren was quieter than before. She had not heard him approaching when she was exercising, though that could be blamed on her single-minded focus on her movements to smother the pain. On a normal day, she reasoned, she would have heard him.

Even now, they made nary a sound as they went through the undergrowth of the forest. In training, Mikasa had excelled at stealth, like numerous other skills; Eren, however, had been particularly weak at it. He was, after all, all brute force and energy, and stealth had probably been a foreign concept to him. She supposed he had gotten better over the course of their three years of training, but Mikasa could only see now just how much better.

She wondered randomly if Annie had taught him to be stealthy. The gut-twist that followed was familiar to her by now.

"What are you thinking about?" He muttered, and she realised she was staring at his face.

"Training camp," she said, half-truthfully.

He snorted lightly and made the leap to her thought process anyway. "Bet Shadis would be surprised if he saw me now. He told me I wouldn't be able to sneak through a _weapons_ _factory_ if my life depended on it."

"His insults were pretty colourful," she agreed. Eren snorted again, this time with actual humour. "Yeah."

The trees thinned out suddenly, and they found themselves on the edge of a cliff, looking down on an endless swathe of trees that swept all the way to the horizon.

"This is a large forest," she murmured as they sat down near the cliff's edge.

Eren nodded. "We saw it, remember, on our first day-" His voice cut off abruptly. "Right. You were still bedridden."

Mikasa nodded, looking at the scarf folded up in her lap. When she risked a glance at him, she saw that he still looked angry and… guilty.

"Eren," she hazarded, "you know I don't blame you for my injury, right?"

"I know you don't." Then he mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "You should."

"No." She made to grasp his hand, but for some reason decided against it. "It's not your fault. We've been through this-"

"I know, Mikasa." He snapped.

She let out a soft sigh. Another wall, again. "So what was your nightmare about?" She asked him instead.

He ran a hand through his hair. "The usual. You. Armin. Bertholdt and Reiner with your blood on their hands."

She struggled to find the right words. "You know we can take care of ourselves, right?"

He didn't answer her, but glanced down at her midriff. Her smooth abs were gleaming in the moonlight. It was no indecent leer; she knew perfectly well what he was thinking. Smooth and strong her abs may have been, but they hid a broken, healing inside. Vulnerable.

Weak.

"This was my own mistake." She mumbled. They had come back full circle to her injury.

"It was," he agreed. He had seen it happen, after all. "But it wasn't a mistake you'd have made under normal circumstances."

She closed her eyes. "Mm. It was stupid of me."

"It was," he agreed again. "You shouldn't let your feelings cloud your judgement, Mikasa. Not in the middle of combat."

"My feelings…" She didn't know what to say. There was a tense silence.

Eren, surprisingly, broke the silence, with a calm tone, at that. "This is what I try to tell you all the time. I mean, yes, the coddling is mostly annoying, but…" He looked away. "You put yourself at risk, too."

Mikasa looked at the scarf in her lap. "I don't-"

"Don't tell me you don't care because that is fucking selfish of you." His voice had an edge again. "If it's so hard to understand, try putting yourself in my place. What if I tried to help you and made a stupid, possibly fatal error that got me hurt?"

Her breath caught in her chest. She knew she was being uncharitable with Eren's feelings. She had known it for years -it didn't matter what Eren thought as long as he was fine, he was safe. But the feeling that Eren was describing now was pain of a high order -a toxic cocktail of anger and worry and guilt and self-loathing. And _she_ was making Eren feel that way.

"I -I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't mean to hurt or worry you. I'll try to be better."

He simply nodded but he seemed satisfied. The fire in his eyes had dimmed. They looked out at the treetops for a while, at the pearly moonlight and the sparkling stars.

"Armin doesn't like it here," Eren muttered presently. "Too disconnected from the world."

"Isn't that why we're here?" She unfolded her scarf to its full size, hoping to cover her bare arms and shoulders as well. She winced lightly when she tried to stretch out her arms and Eren noticed.

He tutted, annoyed. "Why didn't you get a coat?"

"I expected to be sweating. From the exercise."

He rolled his eyes. "Here. Put on my coat." When she protested, he snapped, "You're making a fuss again. We literally just discussed this."

She said nothing more and put on Eren's coat. As she wrapped the scarf around her neck, Eren said, "What was I saying?"

"Armin doesn't like it here."

"Oh yeah. He knows I'm sure, that this cabin is the most logical place for us to be right now. But…"

"He doesn't like the dark," she nodded.

"Eh?"

"He doesn't like not knowing things, being hidden and useless in the dark."

Eren shrugged. "Sounds like him."

"And you?" She asked him. "This idleness does not bother you?"

He seemed to be deep in thought. "I guess I'm alright with it," he said finally. "It's not like we have a choice, anyway. And so much has happened, so fast…"

Mikasa nodded, understanding. Six weeks ago they had been graduates fresh out of training. Dozens of people they had known were still alive. They had all been together, hopeful and cheerful, excited for the future. They had known no traitors.

In just six weeks their entire life had turned upside down. They _needed_ this break.

"You're right. I'm sure Armin feels the same way, despite his impatience."

"Yeah, I guess."

They were quiet again, for longer this time.

It was probably a quarter hour later that Eren spoke. "It's weird, but, somehow, the moon reminds me of her."

She glanced at him. "Her?"

Eren smiled and he looked five years younger. "Moon-moon."

Sudden warmth flared in her chest. "Yeah. Me too," she admitted.

"I was thinking of looking for her, when we were in Calanes," he continued, looking like he was embarrassed by this confession.

"I did look for her," she told him.

"Really? When? Why didn't you tell me! Did you find her?"

This Eren, this bright, questioning, chattering Eren had become so rare lately that her heart twinged painfully despite the small smile on her face. "I went to look for her the night before we left to Stohess." She paused. "I didn't find her."

"Oh." But his grin remained fixed on his face. "She's alright. You know her. Resilient little imp."

Her smile widened. "Yes. I'm sure she's fine."

He snorted. "I can picture her. I'm sure right now she'll be using all this moonlight to hunt all the rats she can find. And leaving them half-eaten next to people's beds."

A giggle escaped Mikasa at the memory. "Poor Armin."

Eren laughed, too, a small, light chuckle. When there was silence again, it was one of their rare, content ones. Happy memories rose to the fore in Mikasa's head, filling her with so much warmth she loosened the scarf around her neck.

Eren noticed. "Better?"

She nodded. "You?"

"Yeah." He paused. "Are you going to keep exercising?"

She wasn't even remotely sleepy, but she did not want to ruin this rare, _happy_ moment between them.

"Not tonight," she said, compromising.

To her relief, Eren simply rolled his eyes. "I guess that's the most I can ask for." He stood up and helped her up. "Will you at least take it slow?"

Mikasa shrugged delicately, ignoring the dull pain in her ribs. Eren sighed. "Well. Let's go. Connie's watch is ending soon, and I don't want him to find my empty bed."

"We can't have that," Mikasa agreed.

She slipped off his coat as they approached the cabin and handed it to him.

"Mikasa-"

"We're heading inside. I'll be fine."

He looked at her, at her scarred face, her muscled arms, and at her chiselled abs which still sported faint purple bruises.

"Sure you'll be," he muttered. " _Lady_ _Beaming Bright_." He flashed her a quick grin before going to the boys' room, a grin straight out of their childhood together in Shiganshina, and she felt a burst of warmth flood her insides again.

Of course she'd be alright, she smiled to herself, and went to bed too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: As you can tell from the chapter title, the 'beaming bright' bit will be explained in the upcoming chapters. The focus of this one, of course, was to have quiet Eremika because goddamn I love Eremika. Not sure if I have to mention it again, but just in case, here goes: this doesn't have to be romantic Eremika. If you don't like the pairing, no issues, but they are fricking close, these two lost children, so yeah.
> 
> Again, hope there was no OOC and the chapter flowed well. Let me know what you think and thanks for reading!


	17. Before the Fall - Beaming Bright - I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okaay, time for another flashback arc!
> 
> First off, thanks SuperSizeKinkAnon and mystifi_ed for your lovely comments! And thanks everyone else for the kudos... I appreciate each and every single one of them. :)
> 
> So yes, buckle your seatbelts, we're going back to Shiganshina for this one. Happy reading!

 

* * *

They had just watched the sun sink behind the wall from one of the riverside quays, as usual, when they heard a faraway shout. "Armin!"

All three of them turned to see a very unfamiliar sight -Armin's grandfather, _running._

"Grandpa?" Armin stood up shakily. Eren and Mikasa shot up next to him and each held his hand. Something was wrong, Mikasa knew instinctively.

Armin began to run, too, and she and Eren followed close behind. By the time the three of them had reached him, Grandpa Arlert had slowed down and stopped, and was breathing heavily, one hand on his knee, the other clutching a cloth satchel. A few people turned around to see, but their attention quickly wandered.

"I'm glad I found you…"

"Grandpa," Armin said timorously, "are you alright?"

"Fine, fine," he wheezed and gently ruffled his grandson's hair. "I just… have some sudden plans. And I needed to find you quickly."

"Plans?"

Grandpa Arlert didn't elaborate but held his grandson's hand. He turned to Eren and her and asked, "Do you think your father will be home now?"

Eren shrugged and Mikasa answered for him. "Uncle Grisha usually receives patients at home on Wednesdays."

"Good, good. Come, I'd like to speak to him."

The three of them exchanged glances. Something was happening.

They barely spoke on their way home. Grandpa Arlert asked them about school, which Eren railed against for a bit, then there was mostly silence. Mikasa felt uneasy and anxious, her mood mirroring Grandpa Arlert's demeanour.

When they arrived home, Aunt Carla looked just as surprised as they had been. "Mr. Arlert? Come in, come in."

They entered the house, feeling awkward, despite the fact that Armin had been over a bunch of times and was no stranger to their home.

"Is Grisha in?"

"He's with a patient -ah, there he is! Dear, look who it is."

Uncle Grisha was surprised, too, Mikasa could tell, but he hid it well.

The three of them huddled behind the kitchen table, watching silently while the adults exchanged pleasantries. Mikasa felt Eren twitch with impatience next to her and she nudged him gently with her shoulder. He calmed down.

"I apologise for barging in on you like this," Grandpa Arlert said finally. "But I've come to ask for a favour."

 _Finally_.

"Of course!"

"Could Armin stay with Eren and Mikasa here tonight? I have to travel urgently, I'm afraid." He gestured at the cloth bundle next to him. "I've brought his things over."

Before the Jaegers could say anything, Armin burst out, "Where are you going, Grandpa?"

"Not far, my boy. I should be back tomorrow."

Then Aunt Carla stood up abruptly. "I'll take Armin's things, Mr. Arlert. Eren, Mikasa: I was in the middle of taking the clothes down. Go upstairs and finish it for me, please. And take Armin with you."

All three of them knew not to argue with that tone, and started to leave dutifully. Armin lingered until his grandfather hugged him, rumbled, "Be good, Armin," and then they were forced to leave the room.

"Something's happened," Armin whispered as they took down the billowing clothes from the clothes lines on the rooftop. "I think it's something to do with my parents."

Eren paused in his struggle with a large blanket. "You think they made it outside?" He asked excitedly.

"I don't know." Armin was staring at the wall towering over their town. "Grandpa seemed worried."

Eren and Mikasa simultaneously placed a hand on each of Armin's shoulders . "I'm sure everything's fine," Eren said steadily.

"There's no point guessing, Armin," Mikasa said. "They haven't said anything yet."

"Yes but they never tell us _kids_ anything," Armin said resentfully.

"Your grandpa tells you a lot more than my parents do," Eren pointed out. "Ma says it's because you're so clever."

"He doesn't tell me _everything_."

"Oh?" They were folding clothes again. "Like what?"

Armin pondered for a moment. "Like where babies come from. I asked and asked but Grandpa refused to tell me."

"Oh, _that_." Eren shrugged. "Mikasa knows."

"Really?"

Mikasa shrugged, too. "They're made when adults do some sort of 'physical activity' together. That's all Uncle Grisha said."

"Wait, _my dad_ told you?" Eren sounded affronted. "How come he didn't tell me?"

"Because you never asked him, Eren."

"Hmph."

"Physical activity?" Armin wondered.

"It must involve kissing. Adults kiss a lot," Eren muttered with disgust.

"Maybe," Armin agreed. They were done with the last of the clothes, and, distributing the folded clothes amongst themselves (Mikasa got a larger share as usual), they headed downstairs. But Armin, who was ahead, went down only two steps before stopping abruptly.

"Look." He pointed.

Grandpa Arlert was hurrying down the street in the direction of the Arlert home. While this was a normal thing for most people to do, Mikasa felt her anxiety rise. Grandpa Arlert _never_ ran or hurried anywhere. The one other time she had seen him hurry was earlier that evening, when he came up to them on the riverside.

"Come on," Eren said abruptly and Mikasa could tell he was worried, too. "Let's go inside, it's getting dark."

What a bizarre day. She never thought she'd see Grandpa Arlert run, or hear Eren say those words.

Armin listened to him, at any rate, and they went downstairs together.

* * *

"Wait, that's it?" Eren whispered.

"Um, yeah."

"But it's _stupid_!"

"Eren, shh," Mikasa whispered.

Eren lowered his voice. "It's a stupid story," he repeated.

"Not really," Armin murmured defensively.

"But it is!" Eren insisted. Then, when Mikasa shushed him again, he continued in a softer voice, "This Cindy person-"

"Cinderella."

"Yeah. Whatever. This Cinderella is so weak and useless! I mean, if her stepsisters are so mean, why doesn't she just beat them up? All she does is just sit and cry. Oh, and she doesn't do anything about _anything_ and just gets what she wants because some random magical creature _happens_ to help her?" He snorted and nudged Mikasa. "I mean, can you imagine it Mikasa? Being bullied by two stupid girls and their stupid mom? You'd beat them to a pulp, wouldn't you?"

Mikasa didn't answer him. She did not want to admit that she had actually liked the story of Cinderella: why, she did not know. She couldn't even truthfully agree with Eren about beating up her bullies. Before Eren came into her life, she had never beaten up anyone. If she'd ever had an evil stepmother, without Eren in her life, she suspected she would have taken it all silently, without protest. Just like Cinderella.

"Eren, that's not the point of the story." Armin said softly.

"What's not?"

"Whether she fights or not. This story tells us that kindness is important, patience and perseverance is important. That no matter how bad her life got, she remained good and kind. And so she deserved her happy ending ."

Mikasa was glad at Armin's presence -he had put into words what she herself was struggling to understand. And it made her feel so much better about herself.

Eren sniffed. "Whatever. I say it's still stupid."

In the dim moonlight from the window, Mikasa could see Armin scowling. "Fine. Maybe next time _you_ should tell a story, then."

She felt Eren stiffen next to her. "Armin, I didn't mean it like that!"

He was too loud again, and Mikasa shushed him again, furiously, when they heard a creak and a shuffle next door.

"Shit," Eren muttered, which earned him a quick pinch from Mikasa.

" _Mika-"_

"Don't swear, Eren-"

"Shut up!" Armin hissed. "Both of you!"

Because it was Armin, who never lost his temper, and because he had good cause to lose his temper, both Mikasa and Eren did shut up. They huddled closer under the large blanket and closed their eyes when they heard soft footsteps in the hallway outside.

The door opened with a creak and Mikasa felt Eren hold his breath. She wanted to tell him that he was not being natural at all but she knew better than to speak now. On her other side, Armin was in the middle of a marvellous performance of slow, heavy breaths and and the occasional gurgle. Armin was an excellent actor.

The door stayed open for a long minute. Then, it was slowly closed-to, a small gap left between the door and its frame.

"Asleep?" Came Uncle Grisha's whisper from the gap.

"You wish," Aunt Carla muttered.

But, to Mikasa's surprise, she heard the adults' footsteps receding and eventually the soft click of their door closing.

"Hah," Eren wheezed. "Fooled them."

Mikasa simply shook her head. Eren was hopeless sometimes.

* * *

Her father's shouts woke her. That and her mother's laughter. She opened her eyes blearily to see her mother gazing out the window, a hand placed over her mouth to contain her merriment.

"Mamma?"

Her mother turned to her immediately and scooped her up from her little cot. Her eyes were still glistening from laughing too hard.

"Ah, my little Mika-baby is awake!"

Mikasa inserted her thumb in her mouth. "Why is Papa shouting?" Her mother gently pulled her thumb out of her mouth. "Oh, your father found a little thief just now."

She cocked her head to the side and thought about the new word. "Thief?"

"Someone who takes something that doesn't belong to them."

Mikasa thought about the explanation. There was more she wanted to know but didn't know exactly how to put it. She needed more words.

"Who take what?"

"Who _took_ what." Her mother corrected her smilingly.

"Who took what?" She repeated.

"Come see." Her mother walked over to the window, and Mikasa leaned forward in her mother's arms to see a very peculiar sight.

Her father was chasing a small furry animal in their little garden. He looked furious but the furry animal slipped away from his grasp nimbly, hopping and skipping every now and then with a cheerful "Blahhhh!"

Mikasa giggled as her father fell face-first into the mud and the animal slipped away.

"Yes, he's funny, isn't he?" Her mother giggled, too.

"Why Papa angry?"

"Because that little goat ate my Moonlace border."

Mikasa looked up at her mother's face inquiringly. "Moon-moon?"

"Yes!" Her mother laughed, tweaking her nose. "Baby goat ate my Moon-moon!"

"Moon-moon!" She squealed as her father nearly caught the animal again. "Run, Moon-moon! Run!"

* * *

"Oi, Mikasa!"

Mikasa woke up to something big and fluffy slamming into her face. She shot up, confused, until her sleepy eyes focused on a very awake Eren, brandishing a pillow. "Wake up already! Armin's here so we can go to the windmills!"

They had always meant to take Armin to the windmills inside the wall, but since he never met them early enough, they had never gotten him to see the mill work in full power early in the morning. Now that Armin was staying with them, they could finally go.

Their trip was extremely successful, and Armin was so impressed he forgot about his grandfather's sudden plans for the better part of the day. He only seemed to remember as they made their way back to the house that evening.

"Like I said," Eren chattered, oblivious as usual, "we'll grab a quick bite at home and then go to the Supply Depot. We'll get a good view of the sunset from there!"

They never saw the sunset that day. When they came home, they found Grandpa Arlert waiting for them in the living room, along with Aunt Carla and even Uncle Grisha. Something was terribly wrong, Mikasa realised. Uncle Grisha was never home at this time of the day.

Even Eren caught the mood and didn't say a word. Grandpa Arlert took the lead. "Sit down, children."

They did, uneasily. Mikasa felt like they were going to be scolded for something, but she somehow knew, with her limited childish instinct, that something more serious had happened.

"Armin, there is something you must know," his grandfather said sadly, "and something I believe your friends must know as well."

Something was very, _very_ wrong. Her eyes still on the wooden floor, she groped blindly at her side until she found Armin's hand. He clutched her hand with quiet desperation.

"Is it to do with Mum and Dad?" Armin asked timorously.

Grandpa Arlert sighed. "Yes." Still, he seemed unwilling to speak, and Mikasa felt she would burst from the suspense, when Armin, _brave_ Armin, spoke again.

"They're dead, aren't they?"

Aunt Carla gasped softly, and Mikasa could see Eren stiffen on Armin's other side. Uncle Grisha looked like an impassive statue, as he often did, and Mikasa felt a cold grasp on her heart. She had never met Armin's parents, only knew that they were brilliant engineers, and that they were trying to make their way outside the Walls. She realised that Armin had already known for a while that he would never see them again. How had she not thought of this?

"I believe so," Granda Arlert rumbled, looking morose.

"I see."

"Armin," Aunt Carla said gently. "I'm sorry."

Armin took in a shuddering breath. His grasp on Mikasa's hand was so tight her fingers were numb. "Thank you, Mrs. Jaeger." He took another deep breath. "Is there anything else, Grandpa?"

A year ago, she would have been surprised, even shocked at his calmness. But she had not met him a year ago. A year ago, like Armin Arlert, Mikasa Ackerman had not been an orphan.

Grandpa Arlert only nodded. "I hope you don't mind we had Eren and Mikasa stay with you-"

"Of course not!" Armin interrupted loudly. He squeezed her hand, and repeated softly, "Of course not." For the first time since that rainy day in the mountains when she had met Eren, Mikasa felt as cold and as tearful as she had then. _Why_? Why was the world so cruel?

"I'm glad. I'm glad you have such good, kind friends. But what I have to say next is for all three of you, so I want you all to listen carefully." Grandpa Arlert leaned forward. "I need you all to be very, very careful in what you say in public. Armin has probably told you both where his parents were over the past few years." Reluctantly, Mikasa and Eren nodded. "You must speak of it no more. Armin's parents went to the Inner Walls for work. There, they died in an accident. That's all you need to know, and that's all you will ever say. Do you understand?"

Still numb with shock, they could only nod.

Then Uncle Grisha spoke. "Eren. You understand what this means, right? You understand the danger?"

"I do, dad."

"Don't brag, don't show off. Let people say what they want, you don't have to correct them, you don't have to be right-"

"I _know_ , dad!"

"Eren, this is important!" Aunt Carla snapped.

"Do you think I'm stupid? Why are you harping on me-"

"Please," Armin cut in, and his soft tone put a stop to all their voices. Armin could make himself heard if he wanted to. "Please Dr. and Mrs. Jaeger, we all understand the consequences. We haven't spoken of it to anyone else, ever!"

Aunt Carla sighed. "That's good, Armin," Uncle Grisha nodded, then turned to his son.

"Eren, we don't think you're stupid."

"Then why-" Eren began hotly but was interrupted again by his father.

"We only think you're a loyal friend. And sometimes that loyalty might make you want to defend your friend, no matter what."

"Is that wrong?" Eren demanded.

"He means, Eren," Armin said shakily, "that if anyone… bullies me or taunts me about my parents, you should never let the truth slip."

Eren crossed his arms sulkily. "I get it."

"They can kill us for it, Eren," his mother said anxiously. "You and me and Mikasa-"

"I said I get it! That's what happened to Armin's parents, right? _I get it, ma_!" His voice resounded in the room. Angry tears slipped down his cheeks.

Armin stirred anxiously; Eren's tears were bothering him as much as they did her.

Mikasa finally spoke. "Please stop." Her voice made all the adults flinch. "We understand, we've… we've seen enough."

Uncle Grisha sighed and stood up. "She's right. I'm sorry, all of you, especially you…" He kneeled down in front of his son. "...Eren," he gently lifted up his chin. "We didn't mean to gang up on you. I know it came across that way, but we just want you to be safe." He stretched out his other hand and patted Armin on the head. "All of you."

Armin's voice was quivering. "We will be. Thank you, Dr. Jaeger."

And somehow, at the end of it, Aunt Carla and Grandpa Arlert were there, too, and they were hugging all three of them. The raw emotion brought tears again to Mikasa's eyes, but she didn't actually cry, even when the adults did.

Because she saw that Armin didn't, either.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I have always been fascinated by Armin's backstory, because it's so vague, and contradictory in the manga itself. For the longest time, I wasn't certain if Armin's parents died trying to escape the Walls, or if they were sent out on the Reclamation Expedition with Armin's grandfather. With the recent Character Guidebook that was released in August, it is now confirmed that Armin's parents were indeed killed by the Military Police for trying to escape. It's a terrible end for them, but what interested me most was Armin's calm manner when he spoke of his parents' deaths. I imagine little Armin, clever for his age, had already deduced that his parents wouldn't be coming back, and even if their plan was successful, he wouldn't see them for a long time. Poor boy.
> 
> So, there you have it. I ask a little more patience for the explanation for "Beaming Bright". All will be revealed in the next chapter.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think of this chapter!


	18. Before the Fall - Beaming Bright - II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, time for part two of this flashback arc! Thank you so much mystifi_ed for your lovely comments and I'm glad you still like the story! For everyone else, thanks for reading and hope the new chapter pleases you all.
> 
> Without further ado, the chapter! Happy reading!

 

* * *

Blood red berries spilled from an overturned basket. Some of them rolled into a red liquid that also looked like blood but how… how was there so much blood? _Why_?

The dead woman's face stared at her from the floor, more red liquid pooling out from under her dark silky hair.

But wait, was her hair really dark? Wasn't it just a trick of the light, the fact that she was in an already dark room? Lightning flashed, and suddenly the woman's hair turned pure gold, the colour of sunlight and corn, framing a dead face with dead, piercing blue eyes-

Mikasa shot up in bed, breathing heavily. That was…That wasn't… _it couldn't be_ , she had never seen her before, she couldn't have dreamed her…

A quiet sob brought her up short. Slowly, she turned her back to snoring Eren and squinted at the mop of blond hair next to her, disturbingly similar to the woman in her nightmare…

Another sob and a discreet shudder brought her to reality again.

"Armin?" She whispered softly.

His sobs cut off abruptly, but he didn't stop shivering. Carefully, she placed a hand on his shoulder. "Armin…"

A suppressed sniff, and a long moment later, he spoke in a thick voice. "S-sorry, Mikasa. I -I didn't mean to wake you. Please, g-go back to sleep."

Mikasa didn't budge. "Armin, turn around."

He continued to cry quietly, his back heaving.

"Please?" She whispered.

He sniffed, suppressed another sob, then slowly turned around. His face was a wet, blotchy mess, his eyes were burning red. Those blue eyes that had watched her with so much intelligence, so much affection, were now brimming with sorrow so stark it made her gut twist uncomfortably. The vulnerable Armin she had seen being beaten up by bullies was reflected a hundred times stronger in that gaze.

Her response was immediate, unthinking. "Come here," she whispered. And Armin buried his face into her shoulder and cried, sobbing quietly, yet violently, shaking so hard the entire bed shook.

Eventually, even Eren stirred. "What's going on?"

"E-Eren!" Armin gasped thickly, sitting up. "I -I'm sorry, please go back to sl-sleep!"

Eren, to his credit, woke up completely. "Are you kidding?" He muttered and sat up, too. "Not when you're like this."

"Please!"

"You're not doing this alone, Armin," Mikasa whispered. "We're here for you."

Armin gave up then, and broke down completely. Eren clambered off the bed, ran to the other side, and squeezed himself next to Armin. Mikasa scooted backwards, until Armin was now wedged between the two of them.

None of them spoke for a while. Armin sobbed, and Eren and Mikasa simply held him tightly.

When the sobs finally quietened, they still didn't let him go. Armin then turned deadly quiet, his rising and dipping chest the only sign of life.

Mikasa saw Eren shoot her a worried glance over Armin's head. "Hey Armin," he said softly. "Do you want to tell us a story?"

Slowly, Armin shook his head.

Eren looked more anxious. "Would you like to hear one?"

To their surprise, he responded. "Okay."

Eren, to her annoyance, turned to her. "Tell us a story, Mikasa."

"Why me?" She demanded.

"Because you said your mother told you lots."

She huffed lightly. Armin mumbled against her shoulder, "You don't have to if you don't want to, Mikasa."

His small voice only strengthened her resolve. She had forced herself to repress the memories of all those storytelling nights that used to leave her and her father enthralled. For Armin, though, she would now dig through the pain, and give him a story.

For Armin, from one orphan to another.

* * *

"There was once a hard-working old couple that lived in the woods. They were not rich, but they were happy, for they had their cottage and their animals, and their own little corner of the woods to themselves.

"They had but one sorrow in their lives -they had no children. For years, they tried medicines and spells and magic amulets and nothing worked. Finally, one day, when the old man went to the forest to chop bamboo-"

"Chop _what_?" Eren interrupted.

" _Bamboo_ ," Mikasa repeated. "My mother said it was a type of wood." *****

"A type of grass, actually," Armin mumbled. "My book about the Outside World says it's the tallest grass in the world and it can be thick enough to be a type of wood."

"Giant grass," Eren said, his eyes wide.

Mikasa sighed. "Can I continue or not?"

"Yeah, sorry."

Mikasa took a deep breath.

"One day, the old man went into the woods to chop bamboo, which he often did. This time, however, he found a bamboo plant much bigger and taller than any other he had chopped down before. To his surprise, his axe cut through the bamboo in a single swipe. A much bigger surprise awaited him in the hollow stem of the bamboo. A giant, sparkling green gem."

"How big was it?"

"Eren _._ "

"Sorry!"

"It was a big gem. Really big. He had to carry it in both his hands. But before he could pick it up, it cracked open in half. Inside the gem sat a little girl."

"So _that's_ how babies are made?"

"Eren!"

" _Sorry!_ " Eren looked embarrassed, but he had a familiar glint in his eye. She was grateful for it, because she knew he was trying to lift Armin's spirits with his silliness. She hoped it was working.

She pretended to be annoyed, at any rate, and sighed. "Well, that's _not_ how babies are made, by the way. But this wasn't a baby. It was a little girl. And she was very, very beautiful, with skin as pale as the moon and a voice like tinkling bells.

"The little girl looked at the old man, and raised her hands. And she said, "Good father, please take care of me, I beg you. I am but a child in this harsh, cruel world, and I would be honoured to be your daughter." And the old man, who was still very surprised, told her, "Your looks and your circumstances at the moment tell me you are perhaps a noble fairy, who deserves a rich and warm home. Alas, my dear, I have but my wife, and we have but enough to not freeze nor starve through the winter, but no more. What sort of life could I offer to you in my humble state?"

"The little girl laughed. "Oh, you needn't worry about that. Look, this gem is filled with gold. Use it to make your home as rich and as warm as you think I deserve."

"The gem was indeed filled with gold coins and he discovered later that it continued to refill itself every time he needed more. With the help of these new riches, he built himself a large, comfortable mansion, with many servants to take care of them and the magical little girl. He named the girl 'Lady Beaming Bright', for the stone that he found her in had been shining so vividly and the girl herself glowed like a gem in the moonlight.

"As the years passed, Lady Beaming Bright grew up to be a most beautiful young woman. Stories of her beauty spread throughout the land and many handsome, capable young men came to ask for her hand in marriage. Every time, though, Lady Beaming Bright laughed and said, "My parents' love is enough for me. I will live with them and be their daughter."

"Finally, one day, a young, brave warrior happened to visit the old man and fell in love with Lady Beaming Bright. He was so good and kind that Lady Beaming Bright fell in love with him as well. When he revealed himself to be the Prince of the land, and asked for her hand in marriage, the old man and his wife wept tears of joy for their daughter would be Queen and would have a loving husband.

"But Lady Beaming Bright wept tears of sadness and said, "My Lord, I cannot."

""You cannot!" said the Prince, astonished. "Why not, my dear Lady?"

""Wait and see," she said sadly.

"Seven months passed and the Lady was depressed through all of them. During the days, she sat on the porch and brooded. By night, she gazed at the Moon and the stars. Then, one night, the Lady, her old parents, and the young Prince were sitting on the porch with her, gazing at the full moon.

""Look how bright the moon is tonight!" Said old man.

""Indeed, it looks like a silver plate scrubbed bright," said his wife.

""I think it looks sad and pale," said the Prince for he was still suffering from unreturned love.

""But look how long and bright the moonbeams are, like a pathway from the sky to our garden!" Said the old man.

"And for the first time, Lady Beaming Bright spoke. "You are right, my dear foster-father!" She cried and stood up. "You speak truth, it is indeed a pathway. And along this pathway come many celestial beings -the people of the Moon King, come to take me home! Ah, but I am sad to leave!"

""There is mist approaching!" Cried the old man.

""No," said the sad Prince. "It is the people of the Moon King."

"Down they came, dozens and hundreds of them, all beautiful and pale like Lady Beaming Bright. They all held torches and gathered in the old man's garden. Then, the grandest of them all stepped forward and offered Lady Beaming Bright a beautiful feathered robe.

""I disobeyed the King," said the Lady. "And he banished me for a number of years. But now my banishment is over and they have come to take me home." She took leave of her parents tearfully. "Farewell, dear foster-father and foster-mother! I leave you my jewel so you may remember me and spend the rest of your years in comfort.

"Then she turned to the Prince. "As for you, my Lord, I wish I had a feather robe to give you, but I have none. But take instead this nectar, which is the Elixir of Life. Take it, and you shall be immortal."

"Then she spread her wings, and so did the other people of the Moon King. They flew up the moonbeam-path and vanished.

"The Prince took the Elixir, but he went to the top of the highest mountain in the land. Then he made a great flame and poured the Elixir into the fire. "What use is it to me, when I cannot see my Lady Beaming Bright again?" He cried. So the Elixir of Life was burnt and as its blue smoke floated up to the sky, the Prince said, "Let my last message of love reach the celestial home of Lady Beaming Bright.""

* * *

When Mikasa stopped talking, both Eren and Armin were silent for a moment.

"Wait, that's it?" Eren gasped. Mikasa only nodded.

"But… What was the point of the story?"

Mikasa frowned. "The point?"

"Not all stories have to have a moral, Eren," Armin said softly. He was lying on his back and looking up at both their faces. Mikasa was glad to note that his cheeks were dry. "Some stories are just stories. No lesson to teach."

"Yeah, but like… there was so little?" Eren looked genuinely curious. "What did she do to make the Moon King banish her? What did the Prince do after that? Did she get his message? Did they see each other again?"

Mikasa sighed. "I don't know, Eren."

"Well, I wanna know more," Eren huffed. "Don't you wanna know more, Armin?"

Armin shrugged. "I guess. But I think that was the beauty of the story. Everything else was unimportant."

"You'd want to know everything, important or not," Eren sighed, flopping onto his back as well and staring at the ceiling.

"It's just a story, Eren," Mikasa said, tiredly. "There are no such things as Moon People."

Eren turned to look at her. "How would you know that?" Then he gasped dramatically. " _You_ look like a Moon Person, Mikasa!"

Her hand shot over Armin's head to swat Eren's forehead. "Shut up."

"Ow! It's true, though!" Eren sat up, grinning. "Look, Armin, doesn't she look like a Moon Person?"

Mikasa sat up, too, scowling. A small smile was curving Armin's lips. "You kind of do, Mikasa."

"I do not!"

"Look!" Eren laughed and grabbed her hand, pulling it over so the moonlight from the window hit it directly. Her pale skin was indeed… glowy. " _You're_ Lady Beaming Bright!"

She hit him again, more forcefully this time. "Shut up." She was sure her cheeks were turning red.

" _Ow_!" Eren rubbed the side of his head. "Well, you aren't a delicate fairy, or something, that's for certain."

Then Armin spoke. "She's Lady _Kickass_ Beaming Bright."

Both Eren and Mikasa stared at him for one moment in absolute silence. Then, simultaneously, all three of them burst into laughter.

"Damn, Armin, that was horrible!" Eren snorted between laughs.

"Yeah, I thought my jokes were bad," Mikasa giggled.

"Hey, it's a pretty cool name!" Armin said, giggling too.

"Says you."

"It _is_ cool!"

"Sure."

"It's an _amazing_ title!"

"Riiight."

" _Any_ title with 'kickass' in it is cool!"

"You are such a dork."

They continued to laugh for a while. They'd quieten down for a moment or two and then catch each other's glance and suddenly start up again.

"It was a beautiful story, though, Mikasa," Armin said finally when they were able to calm down. He brushed tears from his eyes and she hoped they were tears of laughter, like Eren's.

"Yeah, it was," Eren nodded.

"You narrate stories very well," Armin continued, squeezing her hand warmly.

She squeezed his hand back. "I just tried to say it the way my mother told me."

"Well, that was good. I hope you tell us more stories."

"If you like."

Armin sighed, his smile lessening but not going away altogether.

"Are you okay?" Eren asked him anxiously.

"No." His quiet voice seemed to make Eren more worried. But Armin reached out and grasped both their hands in each of his. "But I feel better now. Thanks, you guys."

Eren simply smiled at his best friend. Mikasa squeezed Armin's hand, and both she and Eren lay back down again, snuggling up to their little blond friend.

They spoke in short, quiet phrases for some time more until they all drifted off into exhausted sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Quite a few notes this time around! First things first, the story about Lady Beaming Bright has been taken with only a few changes, from the story "The Moon Maiden" from the book JAPANESE FAIRY TALES: THE DEVIL WORLD by GRACE JAMES. This book is a collection of Japanese folk tales retold by the author, and it is pretty awesome, because I adore folktales and they have been beautifully retold in this book. It seemed apt for me to use a Japanese tale for Mikasa to narrate. :)
> 
> * - I'm not certain how aware the people in this world are of other climates' ecosystems. They seem to be aware of monkeys, which is a tropical animal (they call the Beast Titan a monkey) and they live in assumedly a temperate area. I liked the idea of having 'exotic' flora in Mikasa's story, and since bamboo is very South-Asian (tropical) it would make sense that they didn't know what it was.
> 
> Also, if it wasn't obvious in the previous chapter, Mikasa always takes the middle when they're sleeping next to each other, because she gets cold super easily and her boys want to keep her warm. Headcanons like these are enough to bring me to tears, I swear to God.
> 
> ATTENTION: All the people who are only following the anime and not the manga, You should stop reading now. I'm sorry, but it's not just the spoilers -I will dwell very little on plot points that are already established and just work my scenes around them. For example, I have barely mentioned Reiner and Bertholdt's betrayal, but I have referenced it with the assumption that you are already aware of what's happening. So the chapters ahead might actually not make sense if you don't know what's happened in canon. Of course, please come back and revisit the story after season 3 is done!
> 
> Thanks everyone for sticking with the story and for reading so far! Let me know what you think of it!


	19. Beaming Bright - Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, so sorry for the delay, guys, I was travelling unexpectedly for a while. I managed to update this on ff.net because that layout was easier for me, so I'm publishing two chapters back to back now!
> 
> So, here comes the next one!
> 
> Thanks so much mystifi_ed for your comments, they really make my day! I liked the idea of storyteller Armin and imagined that Mikasa, with her rich heritage, could also be an interesting storyteller as well. I'm glad you liked this little headcanon of mine!
> 
> This one's a little angsty because of course, it's not SnK if it's not angsty...

 

* * *

She heard him almost as soon as he woke up. She didn't budge, though, as he moved around silently in their refuge for the night. She stayed still as he approached her. She only responded when he spoke to her, right behind her.

"Hey Mikasa."

"Armin."

He came to stand next to her. "Can I join you?"

"You should be sleeping."

"I can't sleep."

She looked at him then, unable to keep the concern hidden from her face. "What was it this time?"

Armin sat down. He looked pale and sickly and small, like the nine-year old child she had fought for on the streets of Shiganshina.

"Trost," he said shortly.

"Oh."

Armin sighed heavily. "It sucks that we keep running into things that just give us more sleepless nights." He hugged his knees. "Do you think they'll ever stop?"

"That's what we're aiming for," she said cautiously. It was something she had wanted for a long time: to wake up one day and realise that she couldn't remember the last nightmare she had.

At this point, though, her own were more vivid than ever.

"Yeah," Armin muttered, his words muffled at his knees. "Someday."

She sighed. "Someday," she whispered.

They became quiet until Mikasa could hear the sounds of the grasslands around them. Insects chirped and buzzed and the wind rustled. It was peaceful, but Mikasa felt like she was being buffeted about in a big, cold storm.

"Mikasa," Armin said suddenly, "do you think we'll find him anytime soon?" He sounded so scared and so sad her own heart twisted. And honestly, it scared her, too. He had always been the one to calm her down, to assure her that they would get Eren back. If he himself was losing hope, then…

Armin shook his head suddenly. "Sorry. That was -bleak, I'm sorry-"

"Armin," she whispered and he stopped abruptly. "Don't apologize for being afraid."

"Aren't you afraid?"

"Terrified." She turned to look at him. "Every single minute, I think, I should go to Eren, _now_. I should scream his name from the tops of the trees in all the forests, from the buildings in all the cities, scream and shout his name until I find him and then I can just bring him back." Her voice broke. "But that is stupid. And pointless."

"And not quite so easy."

"No," she sighed harshly. "Because of _politics_."

"I'm sorry," he said again. "I shouldn't have asked you…"

"Armin, it's not your job to keep my fears away." She paused and amended, "Not all the time. You are very good at it and I'm very grateful, but should tell your fears to me, too. I probably wouldn't help as much, but…"

"But you do," Armin said, and inexplicably smiled. "Did you forget Lady Beaming Bright?"

She remembered the last time Eren had said that to her had been barely ten days ago, in the secret cabin in the woods. She almost gave in to her tears then, but she did not. For Armin's sake, she could not.

"Don't you mean Lady _Kickass_ Beaming Bright?" She said with a straight face.

Armin burst into giggles. "Oh my god," he moaned. "You guys were right, it sounds _stupid_."

"No," she smiled lightly at him. "I like it now."

"It certainly fits you now," Armin smirked.

"Okay, don't push it."

"You said you liked it!"

"I was being nice, Armin."

"For like a second!"

She shrugged. "You did say we're not nice people."

And Armin slumped again. "I did, didn't I?" He was solemn. "We're really not, now more than ever."

"Why did you think that before?" She asked him, if anything, to wipe that look off his face. She couldn't bear it. "I know I'm not, but why you and Eren?"

"Well," Armin shrugged. "Like I said. You and Eren are kind. You help people in need. But… you're selfish for your own reasons, like I am,and that's okay."

Mikasa heard the edge of self-hatred in that statement. "You don't think you help people, Armin?"

"Not like you and Eren," he said frankly.

"Eren helps _everyone_. I don't."

Armin smiled. "Remember the bandits during training? And the people in Trost?"

Mikasa tutted. "I was doing my job."

"Which isn't exactly to help people, but you did it anyway. Unlike me."

Mikasa stared at him. "For someone supposedly smart, you are so stupid, Armin."

Armin snorted. "And _that's_ why you're not nice."

"Shut up." She said smoothly. "Did you forget fake Aunt Maria?"

Armin stiffened up next to her.

"That's what I thought," she said softly.

Armin was quiet for so long she thought he stopped thinking about it.

But then Armin muttered, his knuckles white on his knees,"I killed that MP woman."

Mikasa huffed. "If you _really_ want to talk about killing people-"

"No."

She blinked. "Right." Then she felt ashamed. "Sorry, Armin."

"No, I -I brought it up myself," he said hurriedly. "You -you helped, Mikasa. Just now. Thank you."

Mikasa felt at a loss for words. She had absolutely no idea what to say. It had felt like the conversation was getting better, but now, suddenly, she seemed to have made it worse.

The tears threatened to pour out again. Mikasa clenched her fists in an effort to block them.

Armin sighed roughly. "I shouldn't -I shouldn't be this scared. Tomorrow's lead is actually a good one and we are sure to get information when we raid the Interior MP Headquarters. I don't know why…"

"Like I said, it's okay to be scared," Mikasa said carefully. "And you're right, it _is_ a good lead." She paused again, stringing together words in her head and making sure they were alright. "For all we know, we might even get to Eren tomorrow."

Armin took in a sharp breath. "That's a happy thought."

"It is," she agreed, going giddy with the realisation.

"As long as the raid goes well."

"It will," she said sharply, glancing at him. "No one's going to get hurt."

Armin laughed shakily. "Actually, the MPs will."

"It's either that or killing them, Armin. We can't have it both ways." She knew she was hardly being careful in her words now, but Armin _had_ to understand this.

"No, I know." Armin nodded shakily. "It's that or be killed ourselves, right?"

She didn't answer him because she didn't have to. In the ensuing silence, she suddenly thought of something to say.

"Perhaps it's a good thing, Armin, that you and I aren't nice people." She noticed his nails press into his palms. "We're not dealing with nice people anyway."

She waited for her words to hit home, and saw his jaw tightening, his blue eyes turn hard and bright. "That's true," he muttered.

"They took Eren from us, so we don't have to be nice to them. It's as simple as that."

"Yes." Armin said it in the same tight voice as before, but something in that single syllable seemed to fall flat. He stood up abruptly. "I should try and sleep. Tomorrow's an important day."

She twisted around to look at him. "Armin. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine." Then he smiled, and placed his hand on her head. "Thank you for talking to me. Good night, Mikasa."

It sounded wrong. It sounded all wrong and off and jarring. She wanted to follow him and shake him until he spit out whatever was churning on his mind. More than that, she wanted him to tell her, she wanted _him_ to convince _her_ , and not the other way around, that Eren was fine, that Eren would soon be safe and sound with them, maybe even tomorrow. She wanted to scream and shout at him, and at _everyone_ , just to make her voice heard above the noise and the fear of the storm that swirled around her.

Above all, she just wanted one thing.

She wanted Eren.

But she never got what she wanted, so she watched Armin walk away without a sound.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Throwback to "we are not nice people" in Chapter 10 y'all!
> 
> So, if you guys remember the Uprising Arc well enough, this actually happens towards the end of the arc, just before the Survey Corps are legitimised again. For this chapter, though, Squad Levi is at their lowest point because Eren and Historia have been missing for days with no leads, they are fugitives from the law, and Erwin is slated to be tried/executed at around the same time. Clearly, morale is low.
> 
> I also wanted to illustrate that pacifying/consoling someone doesn't always work. So far, I've had these kids somehow feeling better when they talk to each other after bad days/nights. But life is shit, the world is cruel and you don't always feel better, even when you're with someone important, someone who means well. Pretty angsty, yes, but like I said, this is SnK after all.
> 
> That's it! Again, let me know what you think, and hopefully no one was OOC. Until the next one!


	20. Trials

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the next overdue chapter!
> 
> I have news for y'all - only two chapters left after this one. Yup, I'm sad too, but hey, it's not over yet.
> 
> For now, happy reading!

 

* * *

Mikasa had seen very few libraries in her life. There had been the small bookstore in Shiganshina that Armin had insisted on calling a library. There had been the Arlerts' own private collection, a small garret overflowing with books of every subject possible. There had been the sparsely furnished library at training camp, filled with books on technique, weapons and military strategy. The Survey Corps library had been stuffed with dusty, outdated tomes, the more useful or interesting ones residing in Commander Erwin or Squad Leader Hange's offices.

But the one in the palace at Mitras, the Royal Capital, rivaled them all. It was _grand_ , with painted ceilings, alabaster mouldings on the pillars, and several comfortable 'reading nooks' that had sent Armin into raptures. The new Queen had also ordered the Reiss family's personal collection to be added to the Royal Library, including a hidden rack full of previously tabooed books.

It was no wonder Armin wanted to spend every free minute of his time in the library. He went alone more often than not, but Eren and Mikasa accompanied him when they could, or more accurately, when they felt like it.

This was one of the latter instances. Queen Historia had been needed in the Capital, and so her former comrades had all accompanied her from the farm.

The others had opted to go out to explore the city. Mikasa wanted to stay in, and surprisingly, so did Eren. He waved away questions about his health, though Mikasa had noticed him wipe away a few spots of blood near his nose at one point. Sometimes she felt like she could strangle Squad Leader Hange Zoë.

Currently she was watching Eren dozing in one of the many window seats at the Library, his face gaunt against the rapidly darkening sky outside the window. Armin, who had been reading random snippets out loud from his book about gunpowder, paused. Mikasa didn't notice until he slammed the book shut, jarring her into awareness.

"You're worrying too much, Mikasa," Armin muttered. The sound hadn't woken Eren, luckily, and Mikasa didn't look away from him.

"Look at him," she whispered. "Tell me he doesn't look weaker."

Armin reached across the table and grabbed her hand. She held onto it tightly. "He's just tired."

"From those damned experiments."

Armin nodded. "You know they're necessary, Mikasa."

"At the cost of his wellbeing!"

"Shh."

She dutifully lowered her voice. "He's pushing himself too hard."

"He wants to. He always has wanted to."

"Yes, but…" She frowned. "He's different now." She finally looked at Armin. "You've noticed, haven't you?"

Armin nodded solemnly. "He's more… fatalistic." He withdrew his hand and gazed at his best friend. "After that cavern, after what he learnt and what he remembered…"

Mikasa had to push down bile that rose in her throat, something that happened every time the topic of Eren's father was breached. She could not bear to think of it. Uncle Grisha, the man who had given a lonely little girl his home and his family on a rainy day. Uncle Grisha, who had turned Eren into humanity's hope -painfully and against his will. Uncle Grisha, who loved his son, and yet made him eat him…

A small voice said "Excuse me?" and Mikasa jumped so hard her chair screeched, which in turn woke Eren. It was one of the new recruits, a transfer from the Garrison. The boy looked as young as them, if not younger. Mikasa wondered if the boy had even graduated.

"Um, Mikasa Ackerman?" He looked at her, half-awed, half-scared. She simply nodded. "Um, y-you're wanted in the grounds."

"What for?" Eren asked for her, rubbing his eyes.

"I'm not s-sure… I think Squad Leader Hange asked for her."

She exchanged glances with the boys. Since when did Hange want her and not Eren?

Eren stood up slowly. "Should I come along?"

Mikasa was next to him in two quick strides. "No, they're only asking for me. Stay with Armin and rest, Eren." She pressed gently on his shoulder, and when he sat down again without protest, she realised just how tired he must be.

She shot an agonised look at Armin, who nodded calmly. "I'll be here. Go on."

Worry still gnawing at her insides, she followed the new recruit. He kept throwing little glances at her, and he still looked starstruck. Soon enough, as she expected, he spoke to her. "Um, sorry, but you're _the_ Mikasa Ackerman aren't you? From the Southern Division?"

She simply nodded.

His face brightened, though he still looked nervous. "We'd already heard about you, you know. The highest-ranking soldier in the 104th, possibly ever!"

"You're 104th too?"

He nodded. "Northern Division."

"Why did you transfer to the Survey Corps?"

He blinked nervously. "Heh. I don't know myself. My friends teased me that I was doing it for the glory."

She finally looked at him. "If that's your reason then you should transfer back right now. The Survey Corps has never been about glory." _Only about death._

"I -I know that! That was just a joke!"

"It wasn't funny," she said flatly.

The boy didn't speak anymore. He led her to one of the many training grounds that were in the palace's vicinity. This one was used for riding practice, but now that it was dark, the grounds were empty.

Empty but for a small group of people huddled in the middle, that is. They held lanterns made of the new gleaming ore, and Mikasa could tell by the ample light that four people awaited her -Squad Leader Hange, her assistant Moblit, and surprisingly, Jean, and the Queen herself.

"Ah, excellent!" Hange cried, bounding forward and shaking Mikasa's hand vigorously after she saluted Queen Historia. "We can begin now!"

"Begin what exactly?"

"An experiment," Squad Leader Hange grinned, baring her teeth. "Or, more accurately, a trial."

Mikasa gave up and glanced at Jean, who shrugged. It appeared he had no idea what he was doing there either.

"Shall we begin ?" Historia took command as if she were doing it all her life. She was unsettling, this tiny Queen, because sometimes Mikasa still saw the ghost of Krista Lenz in the glint of her blue eyes. In moments like these, Queen Historia was a dead woman walking.

"This way," Hange said cheerfully and strode toward the edge of the grounds, which tapered into a patch of trees, which in turn hid a disused quarry.

It was not disused anymore. Bright ore-lamps lit the entire sunken area. Pillars of rock left from the old excavation had been piled at several places. Most curious were the various Titan effigies. They seemed to have wood frames like the usual training models, but there the similarities ended. Instead of cushioned napes, all the effigies were covered in plates of what looked like concrete. Mikasa understood in a flash. They all looked eerily like Reiner in his Titan form.

Two more people waited down in the quarry, next to several crates. Hange, very typically for her, waved at the people, leaped off the edge (she wasn't wearing any gear), caught on to one of the ropes manning the Titan effigies, and rappelled down. Jean let out a small sound next to Mikasa, possibly of disbelief.

Queen Historia looked perfectly unconcerned at Squad Leader Hange's antics. She led them down much more sedately, using a steep, rocky path hewn down the side of the quarry.

"Alright then, soldiers, gear up!" Hange pointed at one of the crates. "We'd like you to test a new weapon for us!"

Despite her bad mood, Mikasa felt her interest pique. Was that the reason for the bizarre Titan models -were the new weapons to be used against the Armoured Titan? She saw Jean look around them, and knew he had come to the same conclusion as well.

Squad Leader Hange noticed, of course. "Yes," she nodded, excited, "we're going after the Armoured Titan!"

Mikasa exchanged glances with Jean.

"We feel you are the best soldiers to try the new gear," Hange continued smoothly, "by virtue of being in Levi's squad. Also by being with Eren, which increases your chance of facing off against the Armoured Titan. More importantly," she lowered her voice and suddenly turned serious, "you trained with Reiner Braun, often performed exercises in the same squad as him. We feel you would have the best possible knowledge of his weaknesses."

Jean squirmed visibly. "You don't feel our… history with him will make us less inclined to hurt him?"

Hange was still unsmiling. "Frankly, no. We feel you would have a stronger motive than anyone else to bring him down." She paused. "Are we wrong?"

Jean still looked conflicted. Mikasa was used to this look of Jean's since their rebel days in the Uprising. She answered for both of them. "You're not wrong. We'll kill him."

Jean shot her a look, before turning back to Hange. "May I ask whose idea this was?"

Hange raised an eyebrow. "Does it matter?"

To Mikasa's surprise, it was their tiny Queen who answered. "It was my idea, Jean." Somehow, despite being nearly a foot shorter than him, she seemed to glare him down. "Does that make it easier for you?" Jean looked away.

One of the soldiers standing in the shadows of the Titan effigies stepped into view. Mikasa was unsurprised to see their one-armed Commander. They all saluted automatically, after he had in turn saluted their Queen.

"Kirschtein," he said. "Is there a problem?"

Jean took a deep breath. "No, sir."

There was a long, uncomfortable silence. Commander Erwin spoke, "I'm not certain it needs reminding, but your former comrade is an enemy of humanity."

"I know, sir."

"Would you like to be reassigned away from the Shiganshina Recapture expedition?"

"No!" Jean burst out. "I mean, no sir. I'll do my duty."

"Then the question that remains, soldier, is what you consider your duty to be."

All eyes were on Jean now, including Moblit and the other soldiers manning the effigies. Mikasa felt a hint of concern. Jean's position at that moment could not be an easy one.

Jean fidgeted, his fist still firm on his chest. "My duty… My duty, sir, is to ensure humanity's survival. To protect my friends."

"And if one contradicts the other?"

Jean stiffened. "Reiner Braun is not my friend."

The Commander gave him one of his long, piercing stares. "That's good enough for me." He said finally.

Queen Historia nodded. "And me."

A collective sense of relief seemed to pervade the quarry.

"Right." Squad Leader Hange clapped her hands. "Gear up, soldiers. Let's get started."

They strapped on their gears as usual, until Hange handed them the new weapons -long, cylindrical tubes that housed sharp points not unlike the hooks of their regular gear. These tubes were to be attached to their hips, next to their blades.

"How's the feel? Comfy?"

Mikasa didn't think so, but didn't argue when Jean said, "We'll try them in the air." He squirmed. "They're heavy." Moblit dutifully made a note in his journal.

"Now, be aware these weapons are highly explosive and highly dangerous. Don't jostle them too much." _Great._ Mikasa and Jean nodded as they positioned themselves on opposite ends of the quarry.

"Ready? Go!" Hange's voice boomed in the quarry and with simultaneous snaps, she and Jean were airborne.

He was right, the new weapons _were_ heavy. She could deal with heavier weights than the average person, but the added encumbrance near her hips meant her movements were very limited. She started to do her easiest move -a quick, low sweep that carried her parallel to the ground, barely inches from it. This normally enabled her to make higher, more powerful vertical swings and more importantly, gave her enough momentum to swing into her spinning attack.

However, sailing that close to the ground meant scraping the gear, which was highly explosive. She caught herself just in time and shot upwards mid-swing, landing straight into what would have been a Titan's maw.

With a growl of frustration, she leaped away, only to find that the tubes caused a substantial drag in her turns, making her nearly slam into another effigy's torso. She managed to bring her feet forward at the last second, kicked herself off the cement chest, and with an awkward reverse cartwheel mid-air, she hooked her wires off a rock pillar, swung around it, and landed half-kneeling on the ground. On the other side of the quarry, Jean landed just as gracelessly, having to run a few steps to avoid falling on his face or triggering the weapon.

The silence that followed seemed deafening. "That was horrible," Queen Historia said flatly.

"I agree," Jean snapped, rubbing his head; he must have hurt it at some point.

Mikasa nodded and unclasped the tubes from her waist belt. "The weapons severely limit our movements."

Squad Leader Hange sighed loudly. "As we expected. We need to find other ways to equip our soldiers with them." She scratched her head as they came to stand next to her. "For now, I would like you to test if the weapons actually work on the hard armour." She picked up one of the tubes. "You see the little trigger? Aim and fire."

Mikasa and Jean both found the little triggers at the bottom of the tube and stepped forward. Then Jean turned to her, smirking. "Ladies first."

Mikasa rolled her eyes at him, lifted the tube like a standard-issue military rifle, aimed at a cement jaw and fired.

Pain erupted in her shoulder as she was sent flying back from the recoil of the shot. She landed on her behind with a surprised "Oof!" Jean screamed simultaneously, " _Mikasa_!"

Several people rushed to her, Jean leading them. There was a strange ringing in her right ear and her shoulder burned and throbbed with enough pain to make her grit her teeth.

"Shit!" Hange gasped, not far behind Jean. "Shit, shit, _shit_!"

"Are you okay?" Jean gasped, taking her hand. His voice seemed muffled in her right ear. "Are you hurt?"

"I'm _fine_ ," she snapped loudly and yanked back her hand. The movement made her jerk her shoulder and she winced involuntarily.

"Medical ward for you," Hange said immediately. Jean still hovered, too close for comfort, his hand inches from hers. "Can you walk?"

"I'm fine!" She repeated wearily, getting to her feet. Her ringing ear suddenly made her woozy and she swayed slightly.

"Kirschtein, get her to the medical ward," the Commander rumbled. Jean hesitated, then grasped her elbow. She thought of resisting, but did not want to make a scene, not after the official command. She was especially aware of Historia's critical gaze on her.

She turned to Hange instead. "I need an explanation, Squad Leader."

Hange wrung her hands, but did explain, thankfully. "We were going on the idea of crossbows. The spears have extra powered charges, but they only succeeded in piercing the armour some inches deeper. We'd still have to do more to reach the nape. The explosion-"

Mikasa closed her eyes, a vague idea forming in her mind. "If the force in that kickback was a part of the initial projectile instead…"

Hange's eyes lit up dangerously behind her glasses. "Then… then we can _really_ break some armour."

Mikasa nodded. At times like these, she was glad the eccentric Squad Leader was as clever as she was. Hange only needed the bare inklings of an idea to build on and bring it to reality.

Hange clapped her hands together. "Portability issues and more explosive projectiles -that's more than enough to work with!" She grabbed Mikasa's hands. "Thank you, Mikasa!"

The gratitude seemed so genuine that Mikasa nodded uncomfortably. She could finally understand a little of what Eren felt. It was very difficult to say no to Squad Leader Hange when she was so earnest.

Then, highly aware that Jean still clutched her arm, she performed an awkward salute that made her wince again, and she let Jean lead her back into the palace.

"I can walk by myself, Jean," she muttered as they entered the magnificent building.

Jean looked at her. "Are you sure?"

She nodded tiredly. "Catch me if I fall."

Jean hesitated, then let go of her arm. "Always," he muttered, and she wished it wasn't him escorting her at that moment.

They made it to the medical ward in awkward silence. After inspection, no lasting injuries were found and she was pronounced mostly fine. "Your hearing will return completely overnight. Your shoulder, however, is sprained. You need at least two days of absolute rest." The physician applied a minty salve on her shoulder and insisted she spend the night in the medical ward.

She didn't hesitate a moment when the physician left. She sat up, but before she could get off the bed, Jean was by her side.

"What do you think you're doing?"

She swatted away his hovering hand. "Leaving."

"The physician said you should stay the night."

"I don't want to."

He tried to hold her wrist and she shoved his hand away again. "Stop resisting, Mikasa," Jean said anxiously.

"Eren and Armin will be worried."

She saw him clench his fists but his voice was still normal. "I'll tell them. Lie down, already."

"It's only my shoulder," she complained. "I don't see why I have to lie down."

After a minute pause, Jean, to her surprise, chuckled. "I believe that's the first time I've heard you whine, Mikasa."

She frowned. "I didn't _whine_."

"You _so_ did."

She huffed, feeling utterly petulant, which made Jean laugh. "You are ridiculous."

"So are you!" He sniggered.

"Shut up."

He laughed some more. Her glare only made him laugh harder.

She swung her feet off the bed. "Alright, that's it. I'm leaving."

"No, no, no, no. Sit down. I'm sorry, I won't laugh at you." He grinned. "I promise."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine." She slid back under the covers. "You'll tell Eren and Armin?"

His smile slipped off but now he looked… sad. "I'll tell them right away."

Relief spread through her. "They're in the library."

He nodded and stood up. "Get better soon."

"I will." She watched him walk away, and something in his expressionless face, in his forlorn voice, made her call out, "Jean!"

He paused at the doorway and looked at her over his shoulder.

She took a deep breath. "... Thank you."

He blinked. "Like I said," he muttered, turning away, "Always."

With that promise, he left her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Plot-wise this happens in the one month gap between the Uprising Arc and the Shiganshina Arc. Historia is settling in as Queen and Erwin is clearly alive and well.
> 
> If you don't remember the final model of the Thunderspears, they basically have a fuse-like chain at the end, which are pulled off to detonate the charges in them. They have to be thrown like javelins first and the soldiers affix them to their forearms in specially installed metal rings/hooks.
> 
> I actually wanted some Mikasa/Hange interaction, but somehow this chapter turned out this way with very little conversation between the two of them. I like how it turned out, though, especially with Jean. Fun fact, Jeankasa was my first ship when I got into this fandom! I ship Eremika a lot more now, but Jeankasa always is special to me! So by this time in the arc, both Mikasa and Jean are more comfortable together. But Mikasa still feels a little guilty about Jean's obvious feelings for her, since he's clearly a good guy and not just "an annoying brat". (Throwback to Chapter 11!) Jean, of course, respects Mikasa's feelings and friendship and doesn't confess to her like a douche. At least, that's my headcanon.
> 
> Again, hope no one was OOC. Mikasa keeps getting hurt in my fic lol. Please do let me know what you think of the chapter. Until next time!


	21. Moonlace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright-y, super short chapter, I know. BUT it connects a lot of my themes together, so hopefully, it makes sense?
> 
> Thank you so very much mystifi_ed and chiakara for your very lovely comments, they totally made my day! I'm especially glad you liked the Jeankasa bit, it was a little difficult for me to get their dynamic just right without it being too OOC or shippy.
> 
> That was my intention, really; as fun as it is to ship all its wonderful characters, SnK is in its essence such a beautiful story that appreciating it should be easy, no matter what ship it has or doesn't have. Not sure if that makes sense, basically, canon SnK has little to do with romantic shipping so I tried to keep it the same way here in my story.
> 
> In any case, one-sided Jeankasa is canon, so it was interesting to have to portray it!
> 
> Well. Hope you guys enjoy this one! Angst alert, btw.

 

* * *

**Before the Fall...**

Aunt Carla had just returned from one of her shopping runs when Mikasa first noticed it. She was helping her put away the purchases, and in one of the shopping parcels, found several sprigs of dried white flowers that brought her up short.

"What is it, dear?" Aunt Carla asked her, wiping her forehead after hefting a heavy sack of flour onto its proper place in the larder.

For some reason, Mikasa couldn't form a coherent sentence. "These flowers…"

"Oh, those!" Aunt Carla laughed. "You don't normally find them in the marketplace. They grow best up in the mountains."

Mikasa couldn't tear her eyes from the flowers, which still smelled amazing. "My mother… my mother used to make a tea, I don't remember what they're called…"

Aunt Carla paused her flurry of activity. "Moonlace tea."

Recognition thundered in her beating heart. "Yes."

Aunt Carla stepped toward her hesitantly, then placed her hand gently on Mikasa's head. "Shall I make some for you?"

 _How kind of her_. Mikasa nodded slowly. "Only if you'll have some."

Aunt Carla laughed merrily. "Of course I will!" She resumed stocking the larder.

Later that evening, as Eren struggled over sums Aunt Carla had set him (Mikasa had finished hers), they set about making the tea.

She washed the flowers by force of habit. "Remove the buds, Mikasa. They make the tea bitter." Aunt Carla told her as she cleaned the kettle.

"Yes, Aunt Carla."

As the tea steeped, Aunt Carla reached over her and added cloves, and small pieces of cinnamon bark. "They add to the flavour," she explained. Mikasa made careful mental notes.

When the tea was finally ready, Aunt Carla carefully poured it into their special patterned teacups instead of the plain ones. When Mikasa looked confused, Aunt Carla just smiled. "It's a special occasion, after all. How long has it been since you had this?"

"I don't remember," Mikasa admitted.

"I see." Aunt Carla paused before handing over the teacup. She looked anxious. "Either way, Mikasa, I'm… I'm not certain this is how your mother made it. I hope you don't mind."

Mikasa only shook her head. "That's alright." It was very heartening to see Aunt Carla try so hard to keep her happy. She hoped she knew she didn't have to try at all.

They took their first sip, Aunt Carla still watching her anxiously over the rim of her teacup. "Well?"

Tears filled her eyes, whether from the steam or from the warmth inside her, she couldn't tell. "It's perfect," Mikasa mumbled.

Aunt Carla beamed at her, the same brilliant smile Eren gave her every now and then. "I'm glad."

They drank the rest of the tea in silence.

When they were clearing up the teacups, Mikasa asked quietly, "Can we do this more often?"

"Of course! You know, it's supposed to be very soothing for the nerves, Moonlace tea." With an airy flip of the dishcloth, she continued, "So I'll definitely need it tomorrow. Uncle Grisha is leaving to the Inner Walls, which means I'll have to deal with Eren all by myself!" She chuckled heartily.

"I'll help," Mikasa smiled.

"I know you will." She ruffled her hair. "Now, shall we see if Eren has finally bested Math or not?"

* * *

**...and After the Return**

Bright white Moonlace spilled from the overturned basket, the blood on the floor seeping into its pristine white petals. Blood continued to pool from the woman's head, and the ominous growling recommenced outside.

The cold settled into Mikasa's bones and her teeth began to chatter. She knew that woman on the floor, she _knew_ her right to the very center of her cold bones-

_Boom._

The ground beneath her shuddered and she froze. Those… Those were footsteps.

_Boom._

The windowpanes were trembling, the woman's silky hair moved, but there was no wind.

_Boom._

The woman sat up.

Mikasa opened her mouth to scream but no sound came out. The woman stretched out her hand - _an accusation_ , and Mikasa scampered backward.

_Boom._

Lightning flashed as the earth trembled and the woman's hair was suddenly bright yellow, her big, dead eyes were blue-

_Boom. ROAR._

Lightning flashed again and the woman's hair was dark again, but it was longer, slung into a loose ponytail that dripped something, something red-

_Boom._

She was wrong, her eyes weren't blue, not blue, not blue, they were _green_ , big and sparkling and green with pain, with anger-

_Boom._

The woman opened her mouth and screamed but a roar came out instead and Mikasa saw that it wasn't a woman at all, it was a boy, it was _him_ , and Mikasa wanted to look away but she _couldn't_ , she couldn't blink, she couldn't move, she couldn't even scream…

Blood trickled down his forehead and from his nose and his roaring mouth, pouring heavily over his accusing green eyes-

Lightning flashed and suddenly he was covered in blood, but no, he wasn't covered in it, he _was_ the blood, he had no skin, he was burnt skinless and he had _nothing_ , not a single eyelash, and when he blinked, his eyes again were a deep, reproachful blue-

When she woke up, Mikasa could at first feel only relief.

And yet, tears streaked her cheeks and the cold from the nightmare remained with her.

And yet, she could not shake the pain, the horror, the absolute _guilt_ that the nightmare had left her with.

And yet, she could not forget the various dead eyes and the accusation in them. She saw them everywhere -in the darkness of her cell, in the water in her jug, in the moonless sky outside the barred window…

For the first time in all the years she'd been dreaming that dream, she felt like she hadn't woken up at all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sooo, where do I begin?
> 
> We finally have and explanation for how Mikasa had tea-making memories in chapter 15, so yaye!
> 
> If it wasn't obvious from Carla's words, this tea-making session happens the day before the fall of Shiganshina (the series begins the morning-of). So, yes, I'm sure in the trauma of the moment, you can't blame Mikasa for forgetting, hmm?
> 
> The nightmare scene is in the prison cell where Mikasa and Eren are incarcerated after they return from Shiganshina.
> 
> The nightmare itself was always going to be this way, I especially wanted to illustrate the intense guilt Mikasa must've been feeling at that point because she gave up on Armin too early (Flocke mentions this in the ceremony-thingy), which is the last apparition in the nightmare. So yes, if you were wondering, Mikasa does blame herself for not saving her mothers (I am certain Carla is her unofficial surrogate mother by the end) and is terrified of not being able to save Eren. Which literally makes this her worst-ever nightmare.
> 
> Why am I pointing out all this terrible angst, you say? Because, if I'm sinking into a bottomless pit of despair while fangirling over this series, I'm taking y'all down with me. :)
> 
> Thank you all so much for sticking with the story! I'm really glad I got to share this little effort of mine with so many of you! We have one last chapter left, which is longer, no worries. As always, let me know what you think of the chapter, and thanks for reading!


	22. Beyond the Sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well folks, this is it! Terribly sorry for the delay, work has been a little too messy lately. So, here we are, at the final chapter, which doubles up as an epilogue of sorts.
> 
> A million, million thanks to everyone who read, commented and gave kudos! Really, you guys have no idea how wonderful it felt to know that my story was worthy enough of your time and attention. Thank you so very much for sticking through this insane little journey with me :)
> 
> I normally don't do songfics because I feel every song and every story, for that matter, leaves a different impression on different people. I wouldn't want to impose my own experience of the story to you. But there are times when I feel like music can add to what the writer wants to convey. Which is what I'm doing right now.
> 
> So I don't know if the movie INTERSTELLAR is really your thing. It most certainly is mine, and Hans Zimmer, the music composer, pretty much made it an incomparable experience to watch that movie. I happened to be listening to the official soundtrack of that movie when I was writing, and I must tell you guys how well it set the mood for me to write this. I really, really want you guys to get the same feel from my words as well, so here's my recommendation: A video called "INTERSTELLAR - MAIN THEME" on youtube. It's around 4 mins long, I think, and trust me guys, it does wonders for the setting. Listen to it as you read the chapter, if you can.
> 
> More discussions, as usual, at the bottom of the fic. Happy reading!

 

* * *

"Eren."

Her voice was so soft she wondered if her whisper had been lost in the wind and the strange new sounds. Eren had sat up next to her, quite suddenly, and didn't respond when she called his name. He was as still as a statue and only his hair, now longer, fluttered with the breeze.

Mikasa sat up, too, until they were both shoulder-to-shoulder. She spoke his name again; this time, as a question.

"Eren?"

His bright green eyes, sparkling in the moonlight, flickered once at her and then back to the view again. "I couldn't sleep," he murmured.

Her eyes widened with concern. He glanced at her again, then smiled sadly. Almost all of Eren's smiles were sad these days.

"No, no nightmares. I actually can't sleep."

"I see." She looked away.

His gaze was still on her. "Did I wake you?"

She shook her head. "I can't sleep either."

"Mm." Eren turned to look at the view in front of them. "This… this takes getting used to."

She simply nodded.

Right in front of them, stretching out as far as the eye could see, was the ocean. It was everything Armin had told them, and more.

In all their years and years of talking of the ocean, both Armin and Eren had always seemed more interested in seeing it than Mikasa had ever been. To Mikasa, going to the ocean meant being by Eren's side, and so she had wanted to go see it, too. If Eren had said he wanted to go to the top of the world's tallest mountain, she would have gone with him just the same. The place had never really mattered to her.

Except now, she had seen the ocean.

And it was _breathtaking_.

The saltiness took getting used to -not just in the water, but even in the tangible crisp edge of the air. The breeze was laced with seawater, the smells not unlike the fish market back in Shiganshina, but somehow more _fresh_ , more clean. Best of all was the sound. There was the cawing of strange birds that dove for fish in the sea, but that was not it.

The ocean, she was shocked to discover, had a sound of its own. It was the calm, gentle lapping of the waves on the sandy shore. She had heard similar sounds on river banks before, but they were nothing compared to the music that currently invaded her senses and filled her with a sense of peace she never thought she'd obtain in her short, violent life. It was the sheer magnitude of that sound, of endless saltwater and waves lapping up and down, up and down, all the way to the horizon and beyond, that gave the ocean its music.

Up and down went the waves, up and down, and in and out as well: in and out of the "beach", gently bringing forth bits of sea treasure and taking them away in the same harmony. There was a rhythm to the waves, a constant, never ending thrum of the vast expanse of water.

Mikasa found that she loved it. When they had first arrived at the sea that morning, the air was so humid it reminded her unpleasantly of steaming Titan corpses. But the sea breeze was unlike any Titan decomposing. It mellowed as the day changed into night, and now, with the moon high in the sky, the breeze was cool, but still had a tinge of the morning's warm humidity. Mikasa would never feel cold in this climate.

She _loved_ it.

She turned to look at Eren again, and felt a painful twinge in her heart. In Armin's eyes, she had seen the same wonder and joy she had felt in her heart, a joy so overwhelming that she had been frightened by it, at first. Eren's eyes, however, were still dim, weary. It hurt her profoundly that Eren was so changed, so far gone that he did not feel what _she_ did -she, Mikasa, who cared little for beauty and wonder, unless they were reflected in someone else's (usually Eren or Armin's) eyes. That she felt more happiness than Eren in this magical place felt like a cruel joke.

"Do you -do you like it here, Eren?" She asked quietly.

"It… certainly is something."

"It's nothing like anything we've ever seen before," she continued, inwardly pleading for him to look at the sea with her eyes, begging him to feel the joy and the peace of mind that he so sorely _deserved_.

… In the little time that he had left.

 _No_ _._ She would not think of that. She refused to believe it.

"You forget I've seen this before," Eren muttered. When she blinked at him, surprised, he explained, "In my father's memories."

 _Ah._ "Of course."

"To him, the ocean meant…. Death."

She clenched her fists. "Not to us. Never to us, remember?"

Eren sighed. "I guess. Sometimes, I forget what it ever meant."

"It meant freedom, Eren," said a soft voice behind her, and Mikasa was very glad that Armin was now awake, too. She felt him sit up next to her, and reach out behind her back to place his hand on Eren's shoulder. "To see the ocean was to be free."

Eren smiled his sad smile. "And here we are."

"And here we are."

They were quiet for a moment before Armin spoke again. "Eren. Why aren't you happy?"

Eren didn't answer him at first. Mikasa waited a while, then thought of adding to the question, when he finally spoke. "I don't know." He huffed lightly. "I thought this was what I wanted."

"This _was_ what you wanted."

"Maybe not. Maybe… not like this." He blinked rapidly, and Mikasa was suddenly afraid he'd cry. "Seeing the ocean always meant victory. Freedom, like you said. I -I don't feel like we've achieved either of those things."

"But we have."

"Have we?" Eren's voice rose slightly. "Have we really, Armin?"

Mikasa hated this. She hated what they had become in the past year. In that year humanity had learnt much, achieved much more than it had in the hundred years before that. But here she had to pause her thoughts, as she often had to -not _humanity_. Just -just them. The rest of humanity awaited them across the heaving ocean, hating Mikasa and her people, fearing them and even wishing their death.

She had always known that it was a cruel world. She had always known humanity was a part of that cruelty: her own parents were victims of that cruelty. And yet, the sheer scale of the truth of their existence often left her breathless with fear and disgust.

Eren and Armin had both struggled visibly with this truth over the past year, even as Mikasa internalised her own struggles. For Eren, it was like a dam had broken in his mind: all the memories of his father, of the previous Titan shifters that had held his power, all of them came flooding down on his shoulders. She could almost see him physically buckling under the weight of these memories, of the truth and the knowledge that was forced into his conscious being.

For Armin, the struggle was more muted, but definitely there. His self-esteem seemed more fragile than ever, despite the fact that he had been entrusted with one of the strongest powers a single human could be given. No -it was _because_ of that fact that Armin doubted himself more each passing day. Every single decision, every action he took somehow led back to one question _: do I deserve it?_

Neither Eren nor Armin had ever voiced these thoughts, of course. But Mikasa knew. She saw it in Eren's haunted, sleepless visage. She saw it in Armin's cringe every time he walked past a mirror. She knew.

As Sasha had put it so eloquently the other day: _this sucks._

"Mikasa," Armin said presently. "Could you… could you tell us a story?"

She froze, surprised. Eren actually chuckled. "Are you serious, Armin?"

Armin shrugged next to her. "I feel like listening to one."

"Why me?"

Armin smiled and nudged her playfully. The small, sheathed dagger he always carried with him these days poked her in the ribs. "Because you're Lady Beaming Bright, remember?" On her other side, Eren laughed softly again.

The cheer felt forced, if Mikasa was being honest with herself. But it had been so long since the three of them had been together like this. It had been so long since she'd slept cocooned in their comfortable presence. It had been so _very_ long since she'd heard Eren laugh.

"Alright," she said, playing along. Anything, _anything_ to get the old days back.

 _No matter how long it takes,_ Mr. Hannes' voice whispered in her mind.

She fought off the urge to scream.

"Mikasa?"

"Right." She looked out to sea again. "What do you want the story to be about?"

"Anything," Armin shrugged again, even as Eren said, "The moon."

They both looked at him.

Eren scratched his head and gestured at the moonlight glistening on the edge of the waves. "Seems appropriate."

"'Lady Beaming Bright' again?" Armin grinned.

"No," Mikasa said softly, a sudden memory rising to the fore in her mind. "Something else."

The boys spoke no more, and so she began.

* * *

"Once, a monkey, a crane, a fox and a rabbit were travelling together through a forest, determined to perform good and selfless acts to help creatures in need. When night fell, they decided to camp for the night and made a fire for warmth.

"Suddenly, an old beggar man came upon them. He was weak and exhausted and begged for some food.

"All the animals agreed to help readily because that was what what they were meaning to do. The monkey jumped up into the trees and gathered fruit for the old man. The crane waded into the river and brought him fish. The fox tricked a squirrel into giving up its nuts and berries for the man. There only remained the rabbit, who didn't know what to do.

"Rabbits only graze on grass, and grass was all he could give the old man. But he knew that the old man could not eat grass. Deeply anguished that he could not help, the rabbit told the old man that he could feast on his flesh and jumped into the fire.

"It turned out the old man was no ordinary human. He was a kind and powerful god, and he had heard of the animals' quest and had decided to test them. Touched by the act of self-sacrifice performed by the rabbit, he picked up the rabbit, who was unharmed in the fire, and drew his image upon the moon, so that the rabbit's sacrifice and goodness would never be forgotten."

* * *

Both Eren and Armin were still quiet, so Mikasa muttered an anti-climactic "The end."

Still neither of them spoke for several long moments. Mikasa stirred uneasily. "Was that not a good story? I could-"

"No, it was very good," Armin spoke first. "A bit short, though. What do you think, Eren?"

They both turned to look at Eren and Mikasa felt a sudden lump in her throat.

Eren was looking up at the moon right in front of him, above the swelling waves. A lone tear was running down his cheek.

"Eren-"

He cleared his throat and turned to them, wiping off the tear with a finger. "Sorry," he said, smiling ruefully.

Mikasa felt horrible. "I shouldn't have told you-"

"No, it was good that you did." Eren shook his head vehemently.

"No, it was _stupid_ , I shouldn't have-"

"Mikasa," Eren said gently, and placed his hand on hers. "I liked the story."

"It was a beautiful story, Mikasa," Armin said softly, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"I've made you feel worse and we should be happy-" Mikasa could feel the tears gathering in her eyes and she couldn't believe that she was this weak, that after everything she had seen and done she could break down this easily.

"Mikasa, I _am_ happy," Eren told her. She shot him such a disbelieving look that he laughed shakily. "Yeah, okay, I don't look it. I know. I may have been unhappy before, but I'm happy now." She blinked at him, her eyelashes wet with tears. "Trust me."

"Then why were you crying?"

"Because -because like Armin said before, it was beautiful. Because it was such a nice thought, that that sacrifice, as small as it was, it would never be forgotten."

Armin leaned his head on her shoulder. "I agree. I also think the story tells us that no sacrifice is too small."

"Yeah," Eren nodded. "That too."

"It was very appropriate for the moment Mikasa. Thank you."

Eren just squeezed her hand and she knew he was thanking her, too.

Mikasa suppressed a sob. "You are both too good to me."

Eren let go of her hand. Before she could feel bad about the sudden cool emptiness that she felt about her fingers, he slipped an arm around her waist and pulled himself close.

"That's our job." He muttered.

She couldn't help it; a tear, then two slipped down her cheeks. She finally understood what Eren had meant -she was not happy, not by any stretch of the term. But she was warm, and she was cared for, and she was loved. And so they were not sad tears.

She reached out and held both of them in each of her arms, even as they held onto her tighter. These were her boys, this was her family.

The days and years ahead would be painful and difficult, far more than they had already been. There was so much more to be done, so much more that could go wrong, so much worse that could happen. Their time together was on a countdown and every lap of the ocean wave on the shore brought that day of reckoning, their inevitable fate, closer and closer to them.

But for now, under the bright white moon and the sparkling stars and in front of the breathing, dancing ocean that they had dreamed of for so long… for now they were together.

And she was happy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I really, really wanted Mikasa to love the sea. Her roots from the 'East Sea Clan' suggests coastal life/seafaring is in her blood. I also thought it would be interesting to see Eren and Mikasa's roles reversed, because that's the vibe I got from chapter 90, at least. Eren, who has raved and dreamed and screamed about the ocean for years, couldn't care less that he's finally made it. Mikasa, who cares of nothing and no-one other than Eren and after him Armin, is actually curious, excited in the sea. It was beautiful and it was painful, and if the characters seem a little too morose up above, it's because of my impression of chapter 90 -it gave me heartache, guys.
> 
> The story is a quite popular folk tale, a "Jataka tale", if I'm not wrong. Even I had heard it as a child and I'm not east Asian! The parallels, of course, made it perfect for me -sacrifice is such a big thought in everyone's head at that point -so soon after the mass sacrifice of almost all of their comrades, and then having to live with the fact that all the countless sacrifices including them and before them were trivialized by the truth they learnt in the basement... Basically, I clearly have a lot of feels for this subject and will not shut up about the terrible, sad fate of the Paradisians. Sorry, heh. But that's really what I was trying to convey.
> 
> Which brings me to my next point: I will be marking this story as 'Complete' and this chapter makes a definite, nice ending. BUT, I really, really hope to revisit this one day. Chapter 99 has me primed for some explosive new developments for chapter 100, and I can't wait to see everyone (Mikasa!) again. Months from now, when I feel like the plot has progressed enough, and when I feel the inspiration strike me, I totally plan on returning to this and continuing Mikasa's PoV through the rest of the story, whichever way Isayama takes it. Seriously, guys. I WILL return to this story.
> 
> For now, though, it is complete, and hopefully FEELS complete. I know I've jumped about the timeline but hopefully, this story leaves you satisfied with the end. As always, let me know what you think, and thanks again for reading all the way through to here. You guys are the best!
> 
> Shinzou wo sasageyo!


	23. Smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK! Chapter 105/106 have left me a sobbing mess and I needed some goddamn outlet for all the feels.
> 
> For all the new readers, welcome to the madness! And for all the old readers, welcome back!
> 
> So, here you go! Another moonlit glimpse of Mikasa's terribly difficult life...

 The moon was a bright silver sickle in the starry sky when she slipped out of her tent. It was Floch's turn on the watchtower that night, and she steadily avoided looking at him as she trudged past, fighting down the flare of irritation that rose in her chest.

She walked and climbed until she reached the rocks jutting over the small inlet that was slated to be a harbour. The ocean was just beyond that, vast and inviting, its music already soothing on her keen ears.

Then she noticed someone else sitting on the edge of the rocks. She hesitated, not really in the mood for company, but she was found out before she could leave.

"Mikasa?"

She sighed and went to sit on the edge of the rocks, too. "Why are you here?"

"I ate too much," Sasha moaned, clutching her stomach.

Mikasa simply shrugged, unsurprised.

"You have no sympathy for me, do you?" Sasha sighed dramatically and flopped her head onto her shoulder.

Mikasa automatically pushed her away. "You should have known better."

"I suppose," Sasha sighed again. "But  _oh my god_ , who knew seafood was  _so_  delicious!" She looked up at her, amber eyes gleaming. "Don't you think it's delicious?"

Mikasa, who agreed completely, murmured, "It's not bad, I guess."

Sasha chuckled and nudged her hard in the ribs. "Liar. I know you loved it."

"If you say so."

"Ugh. Why must you be so stiff all the time?" Sasha scoffed. "Ymir was right-"

A sudden pause. In the past year, Queen Historia had told all her former comrades what Ymir's letter to her had contained, and Mikasa couldn't help but be sickened by the story. It was near impossible for her to reconcile the brash, insolent Ymir she had known, to the unlucky girl whose terrible life story Historia told them with dry eyes and a steady voice.

_The world is a cruel place._

"Anyway," Sasha continued in a defiantly cheerful manner, "what are  _you_  doing up this late?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"You still get those nightmares, huh."

Mikasa froze. "How do you know about the nightmares?"

Sasha raised an eyebrow. "I'm your bunkmate. And I'm not stupid, you know."

"I didn't-" Mikasa hurried to say but Sasha interrupted her. "It's okay. I don't mind that you didn't tell me. You never tell anyone anything, that's just who you are." Sasha leaned back, resting her palms on the dark rock, gazing thoughtfully at the moon. "But if you do feel like talking… I'm here."

A sudden lump appeared in Mikasa's throat and she swallowed it with great difficulty. "That's very kind of you, Sasha."

Sasha shrugged, eyes still on the moon, a small smile on her face. "That's what friends are for." She turned to her and her smile softened, somehow. "So? Nightmare?"

"No. I just couldn't sleep," the lie slipped out.

"Mm." Sasha turned away again. "Maybe you ate too much, too."

Inexplicably, the corners of Mikasa's lips twitched. "Maybe."

"Connie says I should pace myself," Sasha huffed. "But how can I say no when there's  _so_ much food?"

"Connie is right," Mikasa told her.

"Yeah, yeah." Her gaze still fixed on the crashing waves, Sasha piped up, "Hey, Mikasa. Mr. Niccolo said that there are hundreds of more cooking styles -what did he call it? -yeah,  _cuisines_! He said there are  _hundreds_  of different cuisines in the world out there." Mikasa glanced at Sasha and was unsurprised to see her eyes glowing, her smile widening. "Wouldn't it be great if we could get to go out there and taste all that? Just imagine all the different food and all the different ways of eating it!"

Sasha beamed at her, and Mikasa was forcibly reminded of the innumerable times Eren and Armin had looked at her with exactly that expression on their faces.

" _It's out there! The ocean is out there, you'll see!"_

" _Oh, fine. We'll go see it together."_

Her mouth was suddenly dry, and the lump was back in her throat. She couldn't say a word.

Sasha's grin slipped and her sparkling eyes dimmed. "Are -are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Mikasa rasped hurriedly, and cleared her throat. "You're right. It does sound amazing."

Sasha seemed satisfied with her response. "I know it's too early yet, but maybe one day we can go out there and try them all. I could-" Sasha grew excited again. "I could be like the Food Ambassador! Introduce our food to the other countries and bring back amazing dishes for all of us to have! That would be so cool!"

"You'll have to talk to Commander Hange and Historia about that," Mikasa told her, fighting to hold back her smile. "I don't believe there are any 'Food Ambassadors' as such from the other countries."

"Just because it hasn't been done before, doesn't mean it can't be done now," Sasha said loftily.

"True."

Sasha wrapped an arm around her shoulder before she could see it coming. "Anyway,  _you'll_ back me up, won't you, Mikasa? You'll convince them for me?"

Mikasa pushed her away again. "Maybe if you get your devouring instincts under control."

"Hey!"

"Of all the things, I won't have you die of overeating."

"Oh, fine." Sasha rolled her eyes, then smiled dreamily. "But what a way it would be to die."

"A very gross way," Mikasa informed her. "You'd choke on your own vomit."

"What?!" Sasha yelped. "That's… Ew, ew,  _ew!_ "

Mikasa almost smirked. "See, I'm only watching out for you."

"You are such a buzzkill," Sasha groaned, clutching her stomach again. "I  _really_  did not need to know that right now."

In fact, Mikasa was certain it was the perfect time to remind Sasha of her limitations, but said nothing. Instead, she stood up and dragged Sasha to her feet, too. "Come on. You need to walk this off."

"But I don't wanna!" Sasha whined.

"You'll feel better, come on."

Still groaning like a petulant child, Sasha let Mikasa lead her. She quietened down eventually and they weaved through the rocks in silence, walking parallel to the ocean, the salty breeze ruffling their hair and making their coats billow about them. After some time, the rocks gave way to smooth sand, and Mikasa found herself standing on the beach they had first laid foot on, all those months ago.

Both girls stood solemnly and stared out to sea, at the white-crested waves that washed gently onto the pale sand.

"Sometimes I still can't believe we made it here," Sasha whispered, her words almost carried away by the breeze.

"Me too," Mikasa nodded, just as softly.

They peeled off their boots, rolled up the legs of their pants and discarded their coats. Hand-in-hand, they stepped into the mildly warm water until it lapped around their ankles.

"I love it," Sasha said, like she was divulging a secret.

"Me too," Mikasa admitted.

Sasha smiled at her, her warmest smile yet, pushing dimples into her cheeks and eyes flashing silver in the meagre moonlight.

And finally,  _finally,_  Mikasa found herself smiling back.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Where do I start? I have been waiting for a flashback chapter for so damn long! And now that I have it, I only have more questions!
> 
> At this point, a Miksasha chapter was absolutely necessary imo. I would love to write more about the three years we have missed, but 106 dealt exclusively with the time immediately after they reached the ocean, so I have to wait to know more about any potential world building/character updates (we haven't seen present day Historia yet!)
> 
> So yes, this story is still marked as complete for now. I hope to have more scenes to add in the future. And then, of course, I'll also have to deal with the attack on Liberio. *cringes*
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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